Kewl, rawk, and rawr!

KEWL!!! I'm finally catching up and slowly absorbing back every sense of sense I've lost. Back on track with school, must've had a lot of time to breathe deeply and take in some fresh air. I can say my head's working once again. Not quite well as before but atleast it's functioning.

I am, as I write, studying how to sing like Bayang Barrios. I'm listening to Ivo repeatedly and maybe I'll get the hang of it or maybe like a parrot bird, I'd learn the style. It's giving me headaches and my breathing is cut short. I'm just so hooked with Ethnic music right now. I wanna do Ethnic/ Tribal for a change. I remember Vince telling me his brother wants me in their group last year, not sure if it's still gonna happen, hope so. I do one of my Conciertos inside my room, singing to something which sounded like a native African chant and I'm loving it. No lyrics, just syllables, sounds and the whole humming thing... Awww! It just sound so wild, magical and enchanting... Ay, Heaven! Makes me feel like Elyza Thornberry and revives my connection with nature. And I do practice some bad ass Rock 'n' Rolling at night, head banging and stuff... RAWKS!!!

Here goes the blah-blah, again. I cannot remember how many people have already asked why I quitted the band but Jobert is the latest. They think it's a waste but what do they know? Nothing. They know nothing about the psychological phase (I'm not deranged, I'm not actually having some nervous breakdown, just a little disarrayed but certainly, this will pass) I'm going through right now and I can't tell anyone. I'm in one point of my life that I have to face alone, fight inner demons that's been keeping me weak, stopping me from giving my best on the things that I do best (see? how can you not give your best on something you do best?). I'm so easily affected by a lot of things, and though I may be good at keeping what I really feel, concealment always has a time limit and you can't expect me to just blurt everything out and feel good about such way of release. Repressed emotions are so hard to keep no matter how repressed they are. I just have to pick myself back up together and do it all again. All the shame and humiliation (this is the most appropriate word I can find) of the past years (some were already lost but they keep coming back and overlapping the new ones and become too hard to contain) just broke me into shards and I need time to fix my brokenness. I lost my pride to losers. They tried their best to keep me down and somehow they've succeeded. No matter what soul-boosting words I get from my friends, I just can't convince myself to get back on my feet and kick some ass again. And last year was the hardest year, in the sense of achievements, I've ever had since I went to college. Plus, people are making me feel bad about my weight and figure. How do you face that? I don't know, I just hope I get well before the Summer ends. I want to go to school next sem, recharged. Free of negativities, liking my self better, more confident and be as wild and free like the creatures of Africa.

Born wild, built for the kill, once again.

RAWR!!!