Say what?!

Tough day, tough day. I still feel lazy and a lot to do. Finals na! I think I did better this Midterm than Prelims, my grades are a few points higher, I think. As expected, my former blockmates asked me why don't I and why didn't I join the guys in CS Idols. I told them straight, "Ayoko.". I really don't wanna do it anymore. I told my seatmate that I'd take a rest for a moment, from all the shame I had these past few years and put my pride back together. I think I'm quitting the band for good. I think I already had enough for now and I'm going back to my olden days of youth. I never enjoyed pressure and though I loved the band and the things we do and the fun we're having together, I would never think twice about quitting. I don't wanna stay locked up in THAT state, having to meet people's expectation. I enjoy performing for myself, that should be enough since nobody appreciates what I do more than myself. I'm holding on my narcissism, and it kinda keeps me alive. I think I do some things better tha anybody else though my BEST don't always show. I'm just self-centered but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. Oh, well...

Yay! My BSB Video Collection's growing! It just gets harder to download esp. in Rapidshare where I have to wait like half an hour before I could get the next video in line. No problem with the internet connection, that's what you get if you have DSL! Haha! I just need a cd writer to have them burned. I'm still expecting more videos from the other fans though they'll have to wait till March since the Videofest was postponed and in return, I have to give them a copy of my list that i gave them. Well, the list doesn't include the new ones I downloaded so I don't think that would be unfair. I will share what I said I will, right? The concert photos I got off from the Philippine fans allover the internet went to about 200+. Now the problem is how do I print them all? No ink at home, no photo paper... Awww! Both ink and paper is expensive, I can save for that but not just yet. I still haven't paid the whole amount I owed for the tickets, stuffs here and there... Aaaahhh!

Man, I miss my BSB Millennium album. I regret having lent it to... Nevermind that insignificant creature. I haven't heard of the songs there for years since I lost it in 2004 (or 03 not sure) or my classmate lost it for me. I was informed that there are no more old BSB albums being sold. Now, where can I find that? They are being auctioned in E-Bay but they are way too expensive and I don't want to resort to downloading them. It's only in cassette since we don't have a computer or even a cd player when they released that album. Most of my BSB album is in cassette except for the latest, Never Gone. Where in the world should I start searching? The Boys are under a new record company and all there is is their Tour Edition of Hits Chapter 1. I want my tape back!

One weird thing happened to me last week. I have NEVER been a fan of Richard Gutierrez but I actually woke up to a dream with him. The dream went, like, we were sitting on a bench (me, a girl, then him) then we were holding each other's hand behind that girl's back. Haha! That was funny since I usually dream of guys I really like like I dreamt of celebrities like 5ive, F4 (don't laugh, I use to really like Jerry Yan and Vic Zhou), Oyo Boy Sotto, Hero Angeles in my very room and I dreamt of BSB a week before the concert, and were walking along my school's Rotonda. Haha... But Richard? I think he's really a lame actor. Must be that stuff about Captain Barbell I was thinking about. Sugo (the corniest GMA TeleFantasia I've ever seen, like the poor main actor, poor effects, and story? Ehem... Sorry to those who like him, that's just what I think and I'm a solid Kapuso) is nearing the end and there are rumors that he'll be playing Captain Barbell, nyek! I think he's already overexposed and I love that role for Cogie. Most networks pay attention to those who are popular not necessarily to those who have talent. Not that he's not but Cogie's better than him. I'm not a Richard-hater but the only edge he has over Cogie is his attitude towards work and... his height? Hahaha... I'm so bias, I know but I would prefer Dennis Trillo, Dingdong Dantes or Alfred Vargas snug the role rather than Richard. I just don't like him. Everyone who knows me knows I love Cogie and I believe in him. I haven't met him yet but I'd love to show him how much I care... Yiheee! I wonder where he is now. They said he's gone to the US for vacation and build some muscles, yum! But I had this conclusion that he's just hidden somewhere to prepare for the role or maybe even shooting the series already, awww! I wish I can stalk him though that'd probably scare him to death, Hahaha! I just wanna befriend him but he said he'll be more cautious now in meeting and making friend with total stranger after that incident with that Felice woman. I heard she's pregnant again to his current boyfriend but they are just rumors. Still, she keeps me wondering WHAT IS SHE DOING HAVING ALL HER BOYFRIENDS IMPREGNATE HER, DOES SHE WANT HER CHILDREN AS REMEMBRANCE OF THEIR PASTS? Hmp! Nevermind, attention will just make her "popular".

Anyway, aside from what you've read there's nothing much going on. I'm still working on my Midterm Economics project which is already late, very late. I'm still eating a lot and more but Sir Elmer thinks I'm losing weight. That Reverse Diet must be working, EAT MORE, BURN MORE. The CS Idols are up tomorrow but I'm not going to watch since I'm too lazy to wait till 4pm, when the program will start or probably later since thay are so used to starting things late or the typical F-Time, and my classes end by 12 tomorrow because there's no LAN on Wednesdays. I also don't want my former blockmates to see me tomorrow, they expect alot on my talent but they don't understand I don't have a very strong heart to take THAT challenge. I still have FAVORITISM issues in my head about some people who initiates those competitions, I start building theses about having put myself to shame and how & why things are happening. I just hate it and I'm trying to think straight and get back on track with what i love doing. I hope I cure myself soon. That's be it for now and I hope I made sense somehow. Ciao!

And, oh, prayers for those who died in the February 4 tragedy in Ultra, look at what one person's selfishness does to a big lot of people. Should I stop being selfish then?

Maybe...