down deep

Hooray! Good news, got it confirmed that Drew's coming back. "Ayt, see you when school starts". Hee-hee! It would somehow bring very little ease to my loneliness. This early, I'm depressed. My friends are graduating next year, only a few will be left to finish where they left off, mostly are the shiftees that belong to other colleges. I can't and I don't wanna imagine myself without my friends. I got news this morning, one of my friends' friend died. He said something about sleeping when you're hungry. I remember doing that just this morning. I was up till 3am, I'm hungry but I prefered to sleep than grab anything to eat because if I eat, I will get sleepy, and if I sleep without having digested my food first, I would still risk it. And how would I feel if I was the one who lost a friend to death? I'd rather lose my friends through differences that cannot be settled than have them dead and have to attend their funeral, see them lowered to the ground. I don't think I can bear it, that kind of pain will be far too much than I can imagine handling. GOD FORBID IT! But I will admit, imagining myself dead and all this people mourning for me. Well, I prefer cremation. Haha... Alright, dark humor isn't always appealing but I can't help it. You tend to propagate morbid thoughts in your head, you go way beyond possible possibilities and you end up breaking down in tears. Haha...

I'm trying to fight it but they still keeping running in my head, but I'm not giving up the fight. I will try my best to be nice... Hahahaha!