even more devastations

Heck! Try to look at these: 1) Scoop Magazine January 2006 Edition will have to wait till July, 2) RG is starting to shoot CB [Darn you, Chardy!], and now... *Drum rolls* That BSB Official Book is on sale for only P80 in BookSale in Starmall EDSA Crossing, and I want to have it. I'm nto sure if they have any other stock of it, since that's where Mariya got her copy, I don't know how to get there [I'm geographically challenged! Di ako marunong lumuwas! Grrr... I'm doomed to being an eternal home body. I don't know how to go anywhere alone except for Lucena, and Imus. *pfft!*] I'm not sure if I can find it anywhere here, anywhere near me 'cause I haven't really checked since I've only been informed just now, and through mail. I could ask to have someone from the YahooGroup to buy it for me, and pay for it but claiming it would be another problem. Heckadoodles!

I hate RG! I hate RG! Grrr... Let me say his name... I hate you, Richard Gutierrez! Why? Dunno! I just don't! Berserk mode!

Shifting to Senti Mode, now playing: 100 Years - Five for Fighting

Tomorrow [tomorrow is actually today 'cause it's past midnight already] is a holiday so I can stay up all night, all I want. I'm bored. I know I have a lot of reflecting to do. I just can't help but feel the pain of despair. I remember having learned something in Psychology about it, and should not be feeling this until I'm in my late 40s. It's something about achievement, when you grow old and weren't able to do the things you wanted to have done in your life, chances are you will feel either Despair or Integrity... It has something to do with the Ego, and it's killing me. I saw myself almost crying again yesterday. I'm watching tv watching these people, younger people, people my age, older people... that could've been me, I should've been that, that would've been better if that were me! Sh*t! And I said, I wasn't gonna lose hope... I actually am losing hope, wondering what the future holds for me, what is waiting for me out there, will I live to see my dreams come true or am I doomed for... God forbid it... A lifetime of failure! I dunno...

Next song: She Will Be Loved - Maroon Five

I've been camwhoring again [I hope I can upload them soon, I want them for my Friendster] this afternoon. That's what I do to feel beautiful. Haha... Ever since I've started gaining weight like crazy, I been feeling soooooo, uber ugly. My very little confidence have been reduced to a smaller amount. It's sipping the last of the very little I have. Atleast I know my best angles in photographs and I know my colors and how to combine [I'm talking about make-up, my theory: if you know how to paint, you know how to apply make-up 'cause it's a lot like painting, just that the human face is your canvas], I feel a lot better. Actually, I felt 18. Haha! I'm turning 20 this July but I'm still feeling 18. Yeah, 18's the number! Time goes by so fast. And did my life change, during the first two decades of my life? I hope so...

Senti mode is good time to reflect pala. Buti na lang Holy Week I thought of being nice and not elaborating why I hate RG. Haha...

Bless you one and all...