:::†:: Prisoner of Eternity ::†:::

Rebirth

2008-08-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

I'll be reviving my Blogger soon. ;-)

2007-07-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying."

I love the rain. Sarap mag-emote. My friend's been walking around this afternoon crying. But nobody knew. He just told me. I asked why he didn't tell me because I wanted to cry too. Maybe he cried for the same reason that I wanted to cry. Something inside hurts. In my head, I wanted to tell him that if only I was the one he chose, he wouldn't have had to cry. But then again, I never heard what I wanted hear. He gave his heart to someone else and the moment I knew, I didn't bother to tell. But we're good friends and I have a new reason, someone else to cry for, to cry about.

It's raining inside. It's nothing big having to walk in this rain with friends but when everybody's got to go their own way, you have to go your own way on your own. At the end of the day, you have no choice but deal with the rain on your own, alone. I tried to wash away the pain with the rain but all the more I got hurt. I can't deny what my eyes have seen, and there's no denying the feeling when I saw it. Fun is a good cover. It hides everything, at least it stops me from crying for a while but no umbrella or shelter can cover me from this kind of rain. I wish I could have fun forever, then I wouldn't have to cry. I wish I can freely cry, then I wouldn't have to hide my tears in the rain.

It's raining outside, and it's the second time this month that I went home soaked but who cares? I love the rain. Sarap mag-emote.

KISSU!!!

This is ILLOGICAL.

2007-07-08T21:21:00.000+08:00

I am Mayuri Kurotsuchi. I am Szayelapollo Grantz. I am Inui Sadaharu. To analyze is my pleasure - and for that, I care not if you were turned to ash. Bwahaha! Ashi ne? I was just talking to my friend about some personal stuffs [that you aren't going to know unless you ask me personally, kokoro no ichijou] and I told him that I am currently studying some "specimens" and gathering data and... Ahaha. Never mind. I just felt like saying those thing. well, I don't really have anything that much to write. So...

Aww.. My friend's got a girlfriend, just last Friday. Aww.. Sweetness! He told me just now. It just happened out of the blue. They both felt the same way for each other, they admitted and then.. Now they're together. What the... I envy them. I wish the same thing could happen to me. A friend's been telling me to make the first move since it doesn't really matter who says it first. The point is that you say it but I'm scared. I'm not a person who can talk about my feelings freely. And I'm not so touchy though I stealthily take my chances. Hehehe. My gut's been telling me things but my head tells me otherwise. [The last time I tried, some two or three years ago, I was late. He said he felt it too before but I was too late. He's already with someone else] It's hurts to be rejected but it hurts more not being able to say it. And I've been thinking of the consequences. He may feel the same way or not. If he does, we will end up together but if not, what could possibly happen? I can still be friends with him and pretend like nothing happened but chances are he likes someone else and he will start avoiding me and I'll be sadder than I am now. Aww.. Kanashii! I wish he knew but he has no idea. I wanted to touch him, hig him, kiss him. But I can't be to careless or I'll be too obvious.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
[[broken.seether]]

You may be getting tired of me talking about my love and the stuffs that goes with it but it's better than having to read my I-hate-the-world posts. Hehe.

Fact: Shiawase is NOT my only happiness now. Meow.

My cousin came today. I invited her for my birthday and she came two days late. That idiot, hahaha! She thought the party will be next week but, well, it was last week. I've been planning to introduce her to my friend who likes her since New Year but it's seems like they aren't destined to meet. Haha. They were chatmates, they were textmates but they have never met. How.. Nice. Hehehe. She left with my brother to watch Transformers. I wanted to come and she was going to pay for my movie ticket but I don't feel like leaving the house today and I haven't taken a bath yet. I just told her to bring me something when she gets home.

I'm calmer now than when I was writing my last post, though my heart still feels like it's going to tear when I think of what I've been thinking. Anyway, I've been reading some astrology stuffs since the other night and I just came across something about my star sign that says I'm crabby. Wala lang. Crabbiness [Grouchy; ill-tempered.] can be cute sometimes, and it does sound cute. Hehe. That's why I love these stuff. They tell you things you already know, things you do not yet know, and things that you want to hear, be it good or bad. Ah-just-simply-lavet!

Man, I'm broke but chances are presenting themselves to me again. I think i'm joining CSPC's logo-making contest. Hahaha. It's my last year anyway, I have to take every opportunity that comes my way. $__$ La-la-la.. Ahoho!

Yay, we're watching Harry Potter on Wednesday and invading Pau-pau's [the nick, c'mon!] crib on Friday. My, my.. I'm so busy. Nyahahah!

I need a makeover. Badly. If you have only seen me two to three years ago, you would have wished I stayed that way. The way I dressed and carry myself is way different back then. The clothes I wear, eyeliners, accessories. I was a rock star. Ahaha. Look at me now. I need a new look, I'm getting sick of my current look but... I don't like shopping for clothes like my brothers 'cause I'd rather buy food with the money, and I don't like fixing my self and getting dolled up because it takes so much time. What on earth am I suppose to do? Blah! Heh!

*sob*sigh* I want a new phone [iPhone, K800 or N93 will do], I want a violin, I want a piano, I want to cosplay but I need money. Huwaaaaah!

Can I sing to you? Can I sing for you? Can you be the song I sing?

XXI

2007-07-06T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dang, I'm so stupid! Sir Joribs greeted me today. And I asked him how did he know, all he said was "Secret!" and smiled. How could have I forgotten? He was our class adviser when I was still a ComSci student. That was how he knew. It was really heart-warming that he never forgot but some kind of idiocy made me ashamed of myself. I know, and pretty sure that I've hurt his feelings. Baka! Baka! I even asked him for a favor this afternoon so I can get my files at the computer lab. I remember trying to invite him but he refused. Aww... man!

Kissu! Kissu! That word kept me laughing very hard this afternoon. Haha.. Everybody's trying to kiss somebody or get somebody to kiss someone else. Pisikalan! It's Shayne's fault! Hahaha! I'm not used to having huggey-kissey-touchey friends but it's fun [trying to avoid lips that are after you and arms and hands that try to hold you down. Waaah!]. I never had that much female friends as I was growing up and never had a sister, maybe that's why. I'm close to my female cousins but we're not that [huggey-kissey-touchey] close. I didn't even grow up to be "malambing". I was born lovesick but introverted, wild child, lone wolf, lonely and lunatic. Well, as you can all see I've changed a lot but still the same on some extent. Oh, well.. I still think girls that are kissing each other is WEIRD. ^__^\/ Hahaha!

Ditchers will die! Whoever ditches me tomorrow will suffer bad luck and humiliation for the next seven days.

Yay, I have my first project as an apprentice. I have to do my best. GAMBARE MASU! I have to summon all my darkest powers so I can create a really dark, dark-themed artwork. I met my fellow Graphics apprentice today and *fighting pose* Kyah! Hehehe! Wala lang.

Charge! Hahaha! The guys are into this game named Charge and it seems to be becoming a fever. Everybody's doing it. Nyaaah! I've never tried it and I don't think I will since I'm too uncoordinated for such games. They're into Magic The Gathering too and, Word Game [I love this one!], Logic game. Of course, I don't know how to play Magic and I'm not into card games and the Logic game... I'm not so much of a logical person. I'm more of a right-brain person. Excuses! Hahaha! Oh, yeah the jokes too. Even the corniest jokes can make you laugh especially when no one laughs when someone cracks a joke. Hahaha! Yeah, and our Tambay Committee. After-class Tambay Sessions at 7/11. We chill the day's stress away. Food trip, laugh trip... Don't you just love those Ningens? Hahaha! I love calling them ningen [human]. I remember someone asking me before, why ningen instead of people? I told him, People does not only refer to human because individuals/creatures that are part of a certain group like colonies, and flocks etc. are also called people but you cannot call other beings humans unless they're humans. I am right, right? You have no choice, you can't do anything. Hehehe...

Greeting came later than I expected. But at least they never forgot. Aww.. thank you, minna-san!

Yay, li'l party something-something later [umaga na eh!]. Oh, yeah! This would be fun and I hope I can make my guests happy too. And I hope that those I invited would come or else... Ditchers will die! Bwahaha!

OHAYOU GOZAIMASHITA!

Word Slap

2007-07-02T19:15:00.001+08:00

Achievement of the day: Making that Yaoi boy shut up. Hahaha. I yelled at him and I managed to shut him up at least for a short while. He's too annoying for his own good. Serves him right, I think I scared the others though [hounto ni sumimasen!]. My exact words were: Don't touch me. I don't like you. You're annoying me. I was shocked too. Didn't hold back, my tolerance just ran out. Seems like the core of his very existence is TO ANNOY beings other than himself. The others are just being NICE trying to tolerate him as much as they can but that's it.. Word vomit. It came so suddenly before I realized what I did. No, I'm not sorry. I just hope he'd be smart enough to start avoiding me so I want have to get more annoyed than I already am and I don't have to do the same thing all over again till he gets the sense of it. He caused me too much stress, good thing there was a cutter and a styrofoam to play with. I carved the words: Ningen, Evil, and L.

Yay, I bought my first book, the first book I ever bought that is not for school. I bought Phantom of the Opera from Book Sale from Scott's bazaar. Oh, and there was this booth that sells delicious dumplings [siomai]. Yay! Yay! I'll start reading it tonight.

Nothing much happened today other than the usual tambay we do. In a few days, exam na. What the?! We're doing doing this experiment something for PC Troubleshooting, and guess what? We have to buy our own experiment thingies. Makes me wonder where our tuition goes. I was like.. WTF? I have thesis [panels, editing, system] to pay for and I haven't even paid the whole sum of my tuition fee. Heck~

What now? Now what?

2007-07-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

Part of me, wants to take the world upon my shoulders
Part of me, wants to run around for four leaf clovers
How could it be, that I should want these totally different things

You see a part of me that's safe from harm
Can hear a future calling far away
I'm trying to say
That a change is coming, we both know
And I don't know which way to go, which way to go

Part of me is so in love
There's a fit between us like a glove
But we're so young with so much time
Waiting for tomorrow's rise
Part of me is so naive
I believe that we can stay this free
But deep inside I need to go
The world ahead is calling part of me

I remember all the joys and trouble we have been through
(Part of me) Wants to stick around to mend those broken wound
(We both know) Even though we fight, we're running out of time
The world goes on and despite our cry
To stop a moment, once before we die
You can't deny
That the earth is spinning round and round
And where it stops I will be found, I will be found

The earth is spinning round and round and round
And where it stops I will be found, I will be found

I feel a change is coming, we both know
And I don't know which way to go, which way to go...

- part.of.me.billy.crawford -

Don't get me wrong. I am happy [ haffyburdey , c'mon you have no idea ] but with all the excitement [excited? really now? haha, to think I was badly depressed a few days back and almost backed out] for that special day I feel something coming. Something from within me sings supernal peace like that kind of peace felt by someone who's about to die. I don't know. The beginning of the second decade of my LIFE seem to signal the end of another or maybe of the same life. I don't know. I don't feel the usual sadness and loneliness I feel during special occasions like Christmas and my birthday. Well, it's not like I can do anything about something that is meant to happen, right? I am a fatalist, so we'll leave it like that. Sabi nga ni Hagrid, we'll face it when it comes, or something like that. Hahaha!

It's a good thing I didn't join the others in making the bulletin board yesterday. Hahaha. Clue: Give away na yan: haffyburdey Wala lang. If I went to school I would not have been able to chat with in YM. I know he's not going to read this post so.. Ahoho! This is the time when people actually sing, "Happy na, birthday pa" La-la-la! Ahlavet!

I woke up this morning from a dream. A cute but weird dream. Guess who I dreamt of... I dreamt of Paul [Yes. You, Paul!] Ahaha... I'm not telling what the dream is about but as I've said. It's cute but WEIRD, hehe..

I'm not old; everybody else just happen to be younger. I could start interacting with everyone in the HF office but I'm confused. How should I address them? It doesn't feel right to call them ATEs and KUYAs because I'm older than most of the people there, even the EIC. Well, I have no problem with my fellow newbies since they're the ones calling me ATE and I don't really mind. Oh, well...

Pa'no ba yan... Count down na? Hajime!

2007-06-27T21:19:00.000+08:00

This is one of the few celebrity collages I made in MyHeritage.com. I've tried some of my photos and my brothers' too. So far, this has been the best result I got [look, it's Jang Geum!]. My, my... I am... flattered? Haha.. Who wouldn't be? Look, they're all so pretty! I belong! Bwahahaha! Gotta love the angle! Well, there were 10 celebrities but I chose the prettiest and I counted out the two other including Imelda Marcos. Yes, She was part of this set's result. Haha! But I've seen pictures of her from her younger years, I must say she is pretty but her prettiness had pretty much gone to her head and... [I'd like to thank myself for my hair and make-up and my closet for my outfit, you won't see me looking like that everyday... SUGOI! ]

So I had my first meeting today as an official Graphics Apprentice today. The office is so warm and cozy. They happen to be nice, friendly people after all [they don't bite, hehehe]. The KOWAI aura of the panel interview was gone. It was nothing like being with my new blockmates. Those ITs give away their real personalities without having to speak. To cut the story short, they're cold. I dunno want to end up badmouthing them, insignificant that they are for me, so I'll leave them be. Bwahaha! Maximum tolerance. I was told that I can start hanging out in the office but I just don't want to go there by myself, alone. The place is too warm [not hot >_<] it could get lonely. I know myself very well and I know how I easily get lonely. By the way the Literary editor gave me my first assignment [I am 3/4 Graphics and 1/4 Literary Apprentice, yeahehey!].

Even my friends can tell that I've been having a hard time. I went to our kubo/tambayan/booth yesterday afternoon after class looking... I dunno how I looked like but my friend knew something was wrong. My blood has reached boiling point, my brain became molten lava and I was ready to explode. No kidding. I wish it was something I could laugh at but looking like that kind of fool isn't my kind of humor. I am not built for programming, I cannot even create a single simple program, I take jokes about that weakness personally, you have no idea what kind of hell I have to go through during my programming subjects. A little more and I could explode. It's torture but I have to hold still for a while. I just need to pass or I'll be kicked out of HF before I can even say "Junior Staff". F***!!!

I was shocked when Andrew told me what happened to Chris Benoit and his family. It's been a while since I last watched wrestling and never had news since I don't read my WWE newsletter anymore. Apparently, he committed suicide after killing his wife and child. They are dead but I don't believe he could do such thing. I don't know the man but I believe his innocence and it's not clear yet why he did it. To Chris and his family, I know God is always with you wherever you are, † May you all rest in peace †

Yay, Jet Li's in the country! Heehee...

There's no stopping now; I'm applying for DMS and auditioning for LPB, got my forms already. Oh yeah! Adik-an na 'to! Bwahaha! Oh, and ILSFA too, though I haven't really paid my membership fee yet. Hehehe! Can't stop my Rock! Yosh!

Awww.. The guys [my tropa, the boys] are planning to go to Puerto Galera at the end of the month [July]. I want to go too but I have no money [O, hindeee!]. I just need P2500 and we'll be spending 3 days if I ever get to join them but... Where will I get that kind of money? Asar! My daily allowance is only P150, and I spend P50 for the fare back and forth, which leaves me with P100 and how on earth am I going to produce that sum in time for the trip. I've never been to Mindoro and Puerto Galera and I've been wanting to go out of town since summer. Nakakaiyak naman! *sigh* PAUUUTAAAAANG!!!

Alright, the Genshiken family is growing. Woohoo! Love it! I'm enjoying their company more and more and I get too attached I find it hard to leave. I have no plans of leaving but I love them so much that I can't seem to want to go somewhere else other than where they are. I go to class for a while, my mind flies to the time when I'll be hanging out with them again. Every moment not spent with them is like a class missed, a meal skipped, and a Friendster invitation rejected. Haha.. Ahlavet, don'tcha?

Man, am I busy or what? Or what? Hahaha..

master!
             apprentice!
                                heartborne!
                                                    7th seeker!
                                                                        warrior!
                                                                                      disciple!
                                                                                                    in me, the wishmaster!
                                                                                                                                            --fantasmic, nightwish

A GRRREATO Burrrning Day!

2007-06-23T22:56:00.000+08:00

KOWAI!!! It was very unnerving, [First meeting: scary!] I can't think straight. This aftertoon's panel interview was more like an interrogation than an interview. My friend said the interviewers would burn/cook me alive but what happened was that they didn't even bother to light a fire and start the burning... They ate me alive! Hehe, kidding. But really, I was dazed, too nervous to speak and answer all of the questions, one after the other, thrown at me. It felt like blood was rushing into brain and about to make my head explode. I don't think I have any chance. Good thing, after the interview I saw my Genshi-friends [Greg, Dan, Jason, Scott, Alain, Ryan, Jerome and Norman] at the CSO office and went to hang out in there for a while. I was so happy to see those faces. My stress-level went down a little but my head is already aching the moment I went out of the HF office but it was only then that I was able to breathe. I didn't stay long with the guys at CSO because it was hot in there that aggravated [whoa.. strong word, hehe...] my headache plus I didn't get enough sleep since I have to wake up early for the interview [and I was very sleepy] and I was the last one to be interviewed [I patiently sat at the recieving area for hours]. The waiting isn't really that bad since I had some new people to talk to, and make friends with and saw another friend [Paul] on my way going out of school. A'right! So I got home by 5pm. I went to whip up something to eat and went on to watch Honey and Clover. I went to check my cellphone and got the good news: I GOT IN! [Uhh.. Somehow?] Banzai! It was worth all the scare, the nervousness I got from the panel interview. Despite the blunders I circumstancially committed, I still got in. Wooooo! Gambare masu! And, oh, I think my new friends ["social circle" "extended network" hehe..] passed too: Shaira, Patrick, John Paul and that freshman from HUB that Shaira named "Pinkee" because he was wearing pink. We're having our orientation Wednesday this coming week. Oh, can't wait. But I don't think I'll be telling anyone else except those that already know, let them discover for themselves. It's not like I did a very good job anyway, or atleast not... Uhh... Nevermind.

Woohoo! Honey and Clover is KAWAII!

What's left to be worried about? Not to fail any of my subjects. I have another programming subject, VB.net and I still haven't taken the one that I failed, which is VB [and Physics 2]. Next up... My application for DMS and LPB and ILSFA. I know how expensive it is to be a mountaineer but I really [hounto ni, hounto ni] really want to climb a mountain for atleast once in my life. So I will do my best to be part of DMS. I said I want to prove something that's why I want to join the Pop Band right? I stand by my word and I'm not changing it. About ILSFA, I think I'm having second thoughts. Oh, and our thesis, and my birthday... Man, why did I ever tell my friends to come over? I want to back out! Hahaha.. Too many expenses without really having any money at hand. Yeah, my CosPlay too. What the- My head is swirling! I, so suddenly, want to back out on everything I work for, everything I want to work for, and things that are waiting for me to work on. I don't understand what's happening to me. This must be one of my usual Fight or Flight situations. Demons inside my head with sirens' voices, they're... I don't know... But... I can't make them stop...

I'll be alright... Maybe... When I wake up tomorrow... And as long as I have something, anything, anybody to hold on to... I'll be fine... I should be happy but I can feel something within me is breaking apart... Can't wait to be with my friends again... My BCS friends... My Genshiken friends... My former bandmates... My new friends... This year can possibly the last year they'll ever find me in good condition... All this time, I feel like I've only been delaying a nervous/mental breakdown and if I can't any longer I just might have to apologize to everyone and say goodbye... And don't be stupid, I'm not and never will be suicidal... Don't ever take me for an idiot like that... I'm just burning out... But I'm still fighting.. Sorry for the sudden mood change... And the ellipses, hehe...

Dear God, I know The Dolphin is watching over me while you're watching him. Thank him for me. I know someway, somehow you had him help me today. I'm really thankful and happy, di lang halata hehehe. He's done so much for me without him knowing it, and the others who have helped me in their own ways too, you know who they are. I know you're watching over them too. Please always keep them safe. I don't know what will happen to me without them. I'm keeping my promise, that one I'll write in his memory. Give me anough strength too so I could keep fighting for my sanity. You know very well how close I am to losing it. I think too much. Help me to trust others so I don't have to endure this ordeal alone. And please make HIM realize how I feel. Amen.

Yay, my first blog prayer. Hehe.. Oyasuminasai, minna-san!

[PS: Kowai = Scary while Kawaii = Cute]

Autumn in my Heart

2007-06-22T17:14:00.001+08:00

There's no way to stop what comes falling.

It maybe so, like how I could see myself falling, how I feel my soul falling apart and how I could hear the rain falling inside my heart.. But can't they really be stopped?

I could see myself falling... It's nothing new. I'm trying my best to get as close as I can get to him. I've only known him for a few months but I'm sure, I know and I believe that I really, really like him [though I still like Shiawase too]. I have this friend who likes him too and I'm starting to get jealous. I can see what she's been doing to draw him near and I'm afraid I will have to hate her if they end up together [She tries to look cute, friendly and innocent, and when the guy's into him she'll play it safe. I think that's how she does it and I find it dirty. Grrr!]. I'm falling, but I can't really say that I've fallen. I wanted to tell him [and I don't have anything against girls, like myself, being the first one to confess] but I'm scared. I can't read through him and I don't want to assume things unless he tells me the things I need to hear, be it good or bad. Rejection comes fast and easy but it leaves scars in the heart and stays there for a lifetime; No matter how friendship covers up the slightest traces, the hurt will still get you once in a while. I should know, I've been on that road before and it took me a while before I can free myself, take off and fly again.

I feel my soul falling apart... Graduation Day has been getting into my head too much. I've been emotionally strained about this since classes started. I've stayed in college for more than I should have. If I don't make it to the March 2008 Graduation and have to stay in college for the same course because I failed [I don't really mind staying longer if I'll be there for another course or maybe taking my Major] I may have to force my family to send me into a mental institution. Most people think it's just a matter of not working hard enough or not taking studies seriously, they think the expression "nosebleed" is just a funny expression, and do not understand how it feels to exceed your limit and almost die from stroke from it [F*** Programming! F***, Physics and the Mathematics that goes with it! F*** those teachers that always say, "You are expected to be /should be good at this and that because you're already on your 4th year or because they are good at it too]. Right now, I feel like standing at the edge of cliff with a bottomless pit below it [just like when Light felt like he's losing to L, imagines himself jumping off from a high platform to his death but stops in midair]. Right. That's it, I've already fallen off the edge and now I'm stuck in midair. I'm being sucked down the nothingness of the bottomless pit but something kept me floating. A part of me wants to stay fighting to keep myself together while the other just wants to give it up. My spirit particles are disintegrating, hehehe...

I could hear the rain falling inside my heart... Loneliness, sadness, uncertainty, doubts, jealousy, loathe. They're raining inside of me. I wanted to love but I keep fighting against the very thing that my heart cries out for. I don't understand myself right now.

By the way, I'm watching this cute anime right now, Honey and Clover. It's too kawaii, it's lovesickening! Awww.. *Clenches fist close to cheeks and goes googley-eyed*

Yay, the panel interview's tomorrow! I can't be late. I want this so bad, [why? refer to.. Blah!]! You have no idea. I'll pray hard so I can make it and do my best to be honest, sincere, and be whatever to convince those panelists that they should have me. But if I don't, I wouldn't feel so bad because I've made my resolve: If I get in, I will never fail to do what I'm supposed to do, if I don't I will never stop. i will join every contest I can join [like I always do] and keep doing what I love and doing what I do best. I can feel a good year coming ahead of me, it's the start of something new and it feels so right [so Highschool Musical, hehe]. And, oh, Love... Ah! It's in the air, can't you smell it? *sniff sniff*

GAMBARE MASU!

Back from the grave

2007-06-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

TADAIMA!

It's about time this blog rise from the dead. It's been a while, hasn't it? I feels like Akasha being brought back to life. It's not like I died or anything but I used to love this site better than I love my Multiply. Awww.. Man, that's so gay! Hahaha. Anyway, I'm officially back to Blogger and I'll be keeping this as alive as my Multiply. That'd be it for now, see you in my next post!

JAA!

On-leave

2007-02-28T11:16:00.000+08:00

I won't be blogging here for a while because my internet connection at home is too slow to open Blogger. But I will never stop. You can still read my posts and view some vids and pictures by checking out: http://levyeiva.multiply.com
Catch you there!
I'll be saying goodbye to blogger for now...

Genki desu ka?

2007-01-20T17:32:00.000+08:00

Since I can't import my Blogger posts to Multiply by cross-posting, I'll just paste it instead.

I already said this, that it's been a while since I last posted anything, but yeah, it's really been a while and a lot happened within the that short while. Let's see, I'll try to recall.

I spent the holidays with my cousins and I had a lot of fun, as always though there are times that they can be really annoying. I survived the holidays without money in my pocket. I had all the time in the world to think about a lot of things during the Christmas break. I was even able to rethink the things that's been pulling me down. As usual, I gained a lot of weight. Class resumed last January 3rd and, bukkirishita!, I was late. The internet's been slow since the earthquake in Taiwan and I hate how fast it runs.. How fast? Slow, so slow it feel like dial-up. I passed all my subjects except one, and somehow I anticipated it, I failed Physics. I'm too easy-going, laid-back, happy-go-lucky right now to take anything seriously like I do to some things from way back or the things that I usually do. I didn't win anything from the contests I joined last year, and I don't feel so bad. I still have one more year to make something out of my college life. I've found new friend with my co-otakus and I'm enjoying their company. And a lot has change and a lot more will.

Wow, I've been blogging for almost two years now. Has my writing improved? You tell me..

Got new crushes.. Yehey! One is older than I am. He's a musician like me and I think he's so cute. I only got to talk with him a few times and that was very short. Just like saying hi, and say some stuffs about this and that and that was it. I see him in school but I can't greet him simply because.. I don't know. I just can't. But I really like him. The other one is a year older. He's really nice and I get to talk to him alot. He's crushing on someone else, someone he's known longer than we've known each other but I don't mind. He's not what you call handsome but he's cute and his face is so sweet that I don't mind looking at him all day. I wish I can say their name so that they'll know if they happen to read this but.. I can't. Too risky, hehe.. Initials? Hehe.. Don't want to make it too obvious. *giggles*

Had our recollection last January 9th and somehow I had fun. Some issues were brought up and assumably fixed. Not the kind of fun that I would definitely have if I was with my BCS friends but I think I've had something worth remembering with the BITs. I already posted the pictures and, man, I'm sooo FAT! Most of my pictures from that reco is so embarrassing but I don't really mind sharing. I'm fat, what can I do? Diet? No way! Exercise? I'll try..

The day after the reco, I went to meet with the other members of my interest club in school. They are all nice. I love 'em. I know I've found new friends. It's laugh trip, ghost story trip and never ending fun with them. Well, most of them are younger than I am but, hey, I'm still a kid. Our greatest common factor: LOVE FOR ANIME. I'm off the loop and they've been loyalists but I enjoy being with them, so who cares? During the Lasallian days, I spent the whole days with them in our hut/booth. I enjoyed and never wanted to leave them, hehe.. We ate together and went home together. Being with them those few days, I've been so attached. I'll miss them because we I can't hangout with them that often especially now that I'll be busy with thesis. Darn, thesis!

Last Wednesday, I had my 2nd or 3rd KTS. Not sure. But this year's KTS performance was my best yet in the last few years that we've been performing. I was focused and it's the first time that I performed without being nervous. I was nervous before I went on stage and while we were preparing but when we began.. I transformed into a rockstar. Atleast that's what I think. I brought my friend Camille to watch and chill awhile during the show and she said the performance was good and so did the others that I asked about the show. I wished I had it record but.. I was too anxious I forgot. I'll try to get some pictures or videos from the organizers and some other sources I can get and I wish I get to share with you and show you.

Last night Stonefree rocked my world. Miro looked so cute on tv and handsome in person. I love him! They're, like, the first band I ever watched live. I think. There have been gigs of popular Pinoy bands in school but I never watched. [I've seen Rocksteddy in SM Mall of Asia last year but only by accident and I didn't really stop to watch. We just went past to eavesdrop and left immediately to explore MoA.] Last year they had Callalily, sayang, Keane their vocalist looked a lot like Ely Buendia I bet he's cute in person too. And the other year, they had Hale, and that time they weren't famous yet. In my 4 years in college, I've done so much but I missed out on a lot too. Now, I know better than to miss out on events like this. This year's Lasallian Days are a lot jam-packed than the past years that I had here in Dasma. More booths, more activities, and more friends.. I wish they'll get to top that next year.

By the way, I went to see some of our present and past professor make themselves look like fools while they were dancing during the College Day [the event was called Doobidoo] before that. I recorded a portion of the Physical Sciences Department's presentation focusing on Sir... Hehehe.. But I deleted it right away because I realized what waste of phone memory it will be. Hehe.

Money is still my problem but.. I'll survive.

I took a lot of pictures from this happy-busy week and I mean a lot. From fixing of the booth last Tuesday, CosPlay from Tuesday to Friday, Before and after our performance at KTS 9 [I took part in sending a love message from Patrick to Veronica, sweetness, eh?], After Carlo's party [we came late and beer was the only thing left, we had to buy food for ourselves 'cause they left already], oh, yeah, Reco pictures from days before that [actually that was mine and my friend's alone featuring every, almost all, beautiful scenes around Charles Huang], and a lot more of Miro and Stonefree pictures and videos. I'll post it as soon as I get to upload them.

I've grown up a lot during my four years in college and now I can say that I finally conquered my fear. This may sound funny but somehow I owe it to the philosopher that was Eminem. Before I went up the stage to perform and even days before that, his voice is playing in my head. It seemed like he was telling me, "LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MUSIC. THE MOMENT YOU WANT IT, YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO. YOU ONLY GOT ONE SHOT. DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TO BLOW 'CAUSE OPPORTUNITY COMES ONCE IN A LIFETIME." And I took his advice and it worked. The STAND MY GROUND approach will now be put to execution. I realized how good my friend has been to me. She's been my friend since childhood and I am aware now how much I've been feeding on every friendly, loving, caring things she ever told me. I never thought it before but I've found a sister I've never had. My cousin Mae is like my daughter and Camille is like a sister. She's a soul sister. I've been drawing strength from her the first day we've met. She's been through the roughest times during our childhood but she never failed to commend me, to appreciate my giftedness, to encourage. What would I ever do without people like her? *sigh*

Yay! New shows on GMA for the New Year. I hope they're all good 'cause GMA 7 is the only channel we have left on our tv. 'Onga pala.. HOY, R.G. GALINGAN MO SA LUPIN. DI KA PA NAMAN MAGALING UMARTE LALO NANG HINDI KA MAGALING NA KOMEDYANTE. AYUSIN MO! BAKA MAGALIT LUPIN FANS SA'YO DAHIL BAKA JUMOLOGS YAN GAYA NG SUGO AT CB. OKAY? SANA LANG MABASA MO 'TO. HAHAHA!

Okay, okay. Got to go now. This post's too long already so..

Babayoooo!

This Life

2007-01-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since I wrote anything except for lectures and some school works and since then.. A lot has happened. Internet has been faster than a speeding turtle since the earthquake. I wanted to write a lot of things today but it's late and I'm on the phone with a friend. I will be back again..

....................

Good Morning!

Resolution

2006-12-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday I woke to the longest, adventured-packed dream I ever had. If I remember it right, it began with something that involved some of the cast of EK3. Yeah, seriously. They were my special guest in my very special dream. Then the next scene was inside my room with gays wearing colorful dresses with colorful fans conversing with me; we were making fun of something. Then I went out of my room straight to the kitchen with a possessed faucet. It wasn't our kitchen but looked something like my friend's kitchen. The faucet was possessed because it talked and would change temperature at will then I called out to Sakura [Card Captor] to exorcise the faucet but couldn't so she calls out to Sailor Venus who does the job. Then there was this toilet hanging at the wall like a wall fan and I was holding a dustpan then I went out of the house where there were animals. I was going to our neighbor's house and on the way, the road was wet, and I used the dustpan to take some water from the wet road and threw it to the animals I saw. Then they started following me. Before I got to where I was going, those animals were already after me so I had to run back home. They followed me home. Some of them were already inside and I was hiding at the back of our house. My mom covered a moose, and a bear [that folloed me] with a blanket and led it to one of our rooms. I went back into our house to check on the other animals that were after me and they were still there but they didn't see me except for this little brown talking monkey who ran to me right away and I ran into my room to hide. Darn, that part with the minkey scared me to death. I don't know why. What he was saying scared me but I didn't really understand because it seemed like some alien language. I woke up immediately and slept back again. Another dream followed but I can't remember. But it was good. Weird, but good.

I had another wonderful dream the next day but I can't remember though I hadn't really been sleeping so well. I have been if the case is how long I sleep but my sleeping pattern is rather not so good since I'm awake all night and would wake up the next day at noon.

After the earthquake in Taiwan a few days ago, the internet has been so f*cked up. F*ck that earthquake. I want some tsunami! Haha, go tsunami! Kill 'em! Grrr..

I had a very meaningful chat with a friend last night. I wanted to be purely hionest but at some point I had to lie because.. Let's just put it this way.. Gomen ne sunao ja nakuta, yume no nakanara ieru... Yeah, if you can understand what that means, you'll know what I'm trying to say. It's just not me to say what I feel or be fully honest about things like that. I don't wanna lie but I'm not really sorry for what I did. I just did what I thought was right, atleast for me.

The year ends and beginds in a few hours and.. Time for the tiger to eat the pig! I was born in the year of the Fire Tiger and the coming year is the year of the Fire Pig. Chinese horoscope says that this will be a good year for me. I hope so, really hope so.

I know I have to say goodbye to this year and I think it's just about time. I have lost so much and gained so much too, most of which is weight. I just have to, I need to and I want to change. I've been feeling like a lsoer for so long now, and if you've been reading my posts for the past year, it'd be no big secret. I let everything get me and bring me down. It made me weak and stopped me from standing my ground, and somehow I lost it. I wanted to win it back and I have to gain back my momentum in order to win my place back. I'm not really thinking of getting it back, it's more like I wanted to claim another ground for myself and make a kingdom out of it.. I am a fire tiger and I can burn all the negativites away and start another kingdom of fire. Rekka Shinnen! Bwahaha! More like hell, right? Haha, I had the wrong metaphor. Nevermind. Anyway, about the losses I had, I almost lost confidence in the very first talent I discovered and nurtured, drawing. That's like the worst thing that this year had done to me. I've been rediscovering myself everyday, and the world seems to close in on me and pull me down. Some mysterious force pushes me back up but they're just too strong and I'm near to losing. I just gotta keep on fighting and survive.. STARSTRUCK! Hahaha! Nah, but seriously..

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL!

Can't wait to get back to school and grab the second book of the trilogy I was reading, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. I'm already done reading The Golden Compass before the exams but they don't allow borrowing during Christmas break so I didn't get to borrow the The Subtle Knife then The Amber Spyglass then.. I will become Lyra Belacqua. Hehe..

I am having fun with my otaku/anime addict friends. It's so good to know people with the same interest as yours, isn't it? Wala lang, I still love my friends but I'm just glad I made new friends. They make me think of my future collection, can't wait to buy them, Weeeeee!!!

I am so running out of things to write, so maybe I should stop for now. It's really nice that some people actually takes time to read my blog..

THANK YOU!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! GOD BLESS US ALL!!!

Holiday

2006-12-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

Number 1! Number 1! Number 1!

Oh, yeah! I went to watch Enteng Kabisote 3 and I wasn't surprised that it the cinema was a Standing Room [please excuse the grammar]. I love watching movies on Christmas day because seeing so many people is fun [atleadt for me] except for some things that happened today. On my way to SM, I rode a trike to Imus. I love taking the backride so I did then there was this guy with "icky-looking skin" beside me. I tried my best to avoid him by clinging tightly to the other side of the trike, since he was seated between me and the driver but he would still, somehow, bump me. Not that he's too contemptible but if you've seen him, you would not want to get near him too. I mean, I'm not sure if it was scabies or dried chicken pox scars on his skin and skin germs are so easy to pass and catch. Nevermind.. Okay.. Now went I got to the SM Cinemas, I had to walk a few times back and forth looking for the ticket booth. The third floor was full of people and it took me some minutes before I had my turn to buy my ticket. I don't really mind having to watch the movie standing up for two hours but then.. I was standing at the stairs that lead to the balcony when someone stood behind me. That was really nothing until I can feel something from behind. I felt something slowly rubbing at the left side of my behind. I have no idea what that was and I don't think I wanna know because that really disgusted me so even if my position was already fine I decided to move away and find another place inside the cinema to watch. After a few seconds when I left that man went away to and left the cinema. So it's obvious.. That f'n perverted man! Grrr.. Experiences like this makes me wary of the human male species. Well, my friends [boys] are not like that but I still cannot understand the reason for the existence of such behavior whether male or female. Two words: REALLY DISGUSTING! I was really glad when I found this nice seat in the balcony, the aisle. At first there was this annoying old woman who sat at the armpiece of the seat beside me and carried a child on her lap whose shoes are hitting my back and somehow pulling my hair but it's not so long till they found an seat and went there.

EK3 rocks! I loved that gay ogre with Shintaro Gokuyami, KC, Ta-KCs-Castle, hahaha! The graphics is superb! Now my want to be a graphic artist is stronger [ehem.. excuse the graphics again.. please..].

Anyway, Christmas eve [last night] wasn't so jolly when everybody says it should be. It can't be when someone's throwing their frustrations at you. Some stuffs can't be helped and we can't always keep things from happening but do I really have to be the one to always catch it all? They make me feel sorry for being the way I am, inducing self-pity. I'm getting really sick of this kind of life. One less thing to celebrate. Well, I'm always sad during the holidays [Christmas and New Year]. I don't know, something about this season makes me sad. That's actually the reason why I went to the cinema alone. I could've invited a friend to come with me but I needed some time alone. I just wish I could be happier, Merry as the greeting say..

Merry?.. Christmas..

Nothing Much

2006-12-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

I hate my typos. My English becomes a disaster.

Yesterday, Camille and I went mall-hopping. She's, like, the oldest friend I've ever had. We've been friends since gradeschool. We went for an Anime Scavenger Hunt. We didn't get to really buy anything big since neither of us brought that much money. Our hunt brought us from SM Bacoor to SM Southmall to Festival Supermall and back to Lotus. Something about that day excited me.. I finally found a Ceres DVD and I'm definitely coming back for it. I'm starting, hopefully, a loading business soon, and waiting for my cousin's payment I'm making for her dance group, and I'm still waiting for the results of the other contests I joined [sana I won kahit isa lang.].

About the book I'm planning to write, so many ideas coming out here and there. I just hope it turns out to be a good one.

Fushigi Yuugi is still shown in Animax but too bad it's already been weeks since our cable's been cut and even if it isn't.. we're not subscribed to Animax. Kainis.

I'd like to thank, whoever you are, the one reading my blog from California.

One more night before Christmas Eve and I have nothing much to write. I guess that'd be it for now.

Four Deaths Before Christmas

2006-12-19T13:31:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, our four newly-born [read: barely a week old] kittens were deliberately killed by a male cat. That's one fact of life in the animal world that I don't understand. Male animals would usually kill youngs so they could get the females to mate again. In the human world, as much as I want to believe it, humans mate out of love so they can leave descendants and life can survive [I didn't learn that by myself, I read it from Ceres. Hehe..] while animals seems to programmed to survive and mate as much as they can. Life can be tough when you're an animal [even for domesticated cats] but then again, how am I to know? The circle of life turns and the innocent is always the victim.

The time I turn off this computer, I'll be starting to write the book I've been planning to write for so long now. When I get to finish, I'll be giving copies to some close friends and try to get it published. No teasers just yet.

I finished my shopping yesterday though it isn't that much. I usually get tired easily but yesterday was just fine. Except for that old man who sat beside me inside the jeep. He smells like that oil used to relieve body pains. Ewwweey! Anyway, I saw Normel, JC and Oche while I was scouring boutiques to buy my clothes. I had a hard time choosing my pants since all I can see were jeans and I'm so not wearing jeans ever again. I wanted to buy another top but I just don't like the fad these days like that top that is so long it goes down up to your thighs. Before I went to SM, I already bought my blouse from CD Jeans and it's discounted. Haha, LAHVET!

Wala lang, I just visited the Penshoppe website and saw Victor and could imagine that if Tooya [Ayashi no Ceres] was real, they would have the same sexy body and pretty hair though Victor's is black while Tooya's is fashionably reddish-black. I am such a crazy kid wishing an anime/manga character was a real person. Haay..

That'd be it for now. Merry Christmas, everyone!

2 Parties in 2 Days

2006-12-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

Forgive me for being lazy. I just like being one. Been busy from last week being exam week then two parties two days after. I believe I failed some of my exams and I don't really mind because.. Wala. I just don't.

Thursday at Erika's. Man, that was fun. I didn't really think I'd enjoy and I even planned on not coming but I'm glad I did. The food was good [hamonado, my fave chopsuey, sweet and sour, lumpia..] plus the laughs we had was delightful. I had a few drinks and we went home by 6pm. I think the others stayed till dawn and gotten themselves drunk. Then Friday, I wen to meet Alvin and the others at Robinson's so we could go together to Renan's. Mike gave us a ride. Ayen and the others came earlier. The other came after 6pm. We waited for the others before we could start to drink and Renan was busy running back and forth to entertain his guests and I bet that was tiring. Man, the food was very, very good especially that one in white sauce which is his mom's specialty. There was joking and laughing all around and we were very noisy. They were trying to get Jerome drunk. Micoi was the official photographer since he's the only one who brought a digicam. After drinking, we rested and went to the fair[perya] at Dasma by 1am. We went back at Renan's and sleptover though I didn't really get to sleep. And then we ate breakfast in the morning before we left and went home.

Sayang. I was planning to bring my friend, Camille, at the party but she was busy with their thesis but she really wanted to come and I wanted her to meet my friends. Di bale, next time na lang. So, that's just about how my past days were.

Till next post na lang!

Awhile

2006-12-11T18:35:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last wrote anything. So much had happened and I'm just feeling lazy. Let's see.. SInce classes started last November I've already finished 3 books, all varying in length and thickness. There was By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho, Confessions of a Mask by Yukio Mishima, and His Dark Materials Book 1: The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. Nicey. These books had so far been inspirational, magical, and.. I don't know. I just loved it. I need those books with me. Time goes so slow when you're doing nothing esp. when you're doing nothing and you'd have to wait for hours till your next class.. Bummer!

I've completed downloading the Ceres Art Book and also finished reading the scanlations I downloaded. I wanted the real thing but that'd do for now since I don't have it yet because of... Blah! Blah! Nevermind.

It's been a while since the cable's been cut and I've already missed out a lot on my fave show like Hanna Montana and the new season of Dark Oracle. I don't miss it that much though since I've learned to let go and this isn't really the first time. Things just happen and not preventing it cannot be prevented. I have no choice. This is my life.

Exams have started and my nose just finished bleeding after Physics. 2 down and 3 to go. I hope I pass. I don't need a high grade. Just make me pass.. Ohh..

Nakakainis ang ganitong buhay...

2006-11-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

'lang 'yang buhay 'yan... Wala na namang cable. Nakakasawa ang gan'tong buhay. Sana mayaman na lang ako...

This darn fact makes me freaking sick. I wish I had so much more. I know I will, but why can't I have it now when I want it. Buti, oppotunities present themselves to me so I can somehow get some of the little things I want. My heart is happy but at the same time discontented. I usually get tired of routines and I somehow find to alter the usual things I have to deal with but this one... I can do nothing but wait. I remember a teaching in Buddhism that says something like material wants is what makes people suffer and they are right but I just can't find the heart to deny myself of these wants. It gives us a certain kind of pain when we crave for something but when we get to have it, it somehow becomes a piece of the puzzle that someday, when we get everything we want, makes us complete. I don't know. I just can't help but think how I've been living the same way of life for the last 20 years and how the situations gets more and more dissatisfying every single day. Ok, I'm lucky to be able to eat anything I want, spoil myself sometimes but I just can't get enough. Some people have nothing AT ALL and compared to them, they may think I have everything and more of what they could have wanted but I'm just too self-centered right now to think of other people. And I can't give what I don't have, the satisfaction of having just enough.

Anyway, school's, as always, fine except for Physics which is and always will be a pain in the you-know-what. Chances are coming one after the other, and I hope I'm doing the right thing of making every chance an opportunity. Time's running so fast and in a few weeks, it'll be Christmas break, BAKASYON NA NAMAN!, but of course EXAM MUNA. Wishlist, wishlist. I can have my grandparents to buy me the stuffs I want but.. but... If only I was born a sweet child, that which we call MALAMBING in Filipino, maybe I can have my way. I wasn't born as thick-skinned as my brothers, and not as malambing, sipsip and charing as my cousins. Aw-aw-aw! I wasn't even born to be confident. Nobody taught me that. Kung bibo lang sana ako... Wehehe! parang tanga. Hahaha! Intsek? Intsekure? Hehehe. No way! Naawa lang ako sa sarili ko.

Things could have been so much better and I could have had a lot more...

Angsty Rant

2006-11-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

We all have our own set of feelings. It may all be the same feelings but comes differently to different people. I know how I feel about feelings when I feel it but I don't know how it feels like to other people hen they feel it. I claim to know it all but the truth is, I just assume that I know. Realizing how I've been for the last ten years, I've been self-centered. I cared genuinely for the people I cared for with all sincerity I can give but my priority's always been myself. I don't know. There's just so much I want to get out of life and most of the time I just had to do things myself to get it and the people around aren't always of great or not even any help. It made me independent in my own sense, a bit untrusting, and insensitive. It's not always bad but not always good either. It messes with me, my personality and my feelings, and how I interact with people, but it makes me different. Haha. Why am I saying this? Well, I just want to sympathize with the people who didn't get to see the world the way I did. At 20, I still haven't seen a lot but the very little that I've seen was shown to me by the world and my fate in a different light like a work of art; Different colors, different media, different lightings, different techniques, different angles, different expressions. You learn to appreciate beauty and make an art yourself.

Well, well. I guess that's not bitin anymore. Aw-aw! Hehe.

Christmas time is coming... my wishlist is getting longer but... You have to know what the real problem here is... Clue? It's made of special kind of paper, printed with a special kind of ink, and the other form is made of some metals. It's so unfair having to think that the people who has "it" and has more than they need just don't appreciate it and throw it some place. I wish I get to have the same kind of privilege but I can only wish. Nothing else. I wasn't born with that lifestyle but maybe if I work hard, I, too, can live the "life". Another thing annoying me right now... Those you think are less deserving gets to realize your dream earlier than you can. Seems like this is how close I can get for now from living my fantasies. Envy? Not really. I just don't understand why others have to have that much already early in their life and I don't. People younger than me have gone so much further than I already have. Makes me sick of this ordinary life. I think, I believe, I know I deserve better, there's a lot of so-much-better things.

I just wish I so much more that I already have, and things get a lot better than this. I just wish.

Ano nah?!

2006-11-16T17:54:00.000+08:00

It's really fun having old friends around but good things must come to an end, like all the hanging out. We could still hang out but not as often as we do now in college. It's good that they took their back subjects with my present class. We had a really good time this afternoon, everybody was talking s**t and I was LMAO! Haha. Man, I'll miss these moments.

Ah! Even Westerners [Europeans and Americans] love Anime, mangas, and CosPlay. I wanna be in a CosPlay too but I have no costume, no whatsoever yet. Nothing. And I don't even know which Anime I want to portray. Darn. Inggit ako!

Been sick for two night, Tuesday and Wednesday. Wala lang.

Ok, this is so annoying. A few minutes ago, I had so much to write and now everything just slipped. I'm back to my same old cluelessness. Darn. Darn.

I remembered something. That darn Physics.. Imagine. Nose bleeding and eyes twitching. Numbers, Xs, Ys, Greek letters, mathematical symbols, and more numbers are eye sores.

the usual

2006-11-10T22:46:00.000+08:00

The love grows stronger, my heart cries harder... I want to go Japan! Anime is the life. Man, even in my sleep I see anime. Aww...

I rocked in Halflife! It was the first time in years that I played Counter-Strike last Thursday and it's really fun playing it with friends. I didn't get to kill that much but I was dang good. Haha. I suck at DotA but I rule CS. Beat that! Hehe.

I can't lie. I'm happy at the same time I'm not. I can't elaborate. I'm not being evil, just don't know where to place my heart. Gomen ne.

Back to school!

2006-11-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

I haven't written anything in a while but actually there is and was so much to write. Just can't find the write words and it may not be enough and I might run out ending up in another Bitin post. Haha, excuses? Yeah. I am feeling kind of lazy but I've been busy the past few days window-shopping online. Anime is the life! I just have to have it! I do have to save for it, and try my best to scour Manila so I can buy all those anime stuffs I've been drooling on or have my friend, who currently lives in Japan, find it for me, or if all else fails I would have to buy it online though it's way more expensive if I get to buy it here or in Japan. I want to cry. I was earlier joking with my friend about having to migrate to Japan but I really want to. I wish I can go to Japan. It's anime-heaven there. I can go to Japan but not now. Maybe after I graduate. Oh, why can't it be now. I wish they'd send me to japan instead of Germany. Aw, aw.

Semestral break is officially over and I'll be back in school tomorrow. Man, it'll be back to work for me. Aw-aw-aw!

Yay! I love YouTube! I get to finish whole seasons of Ayashi No Ceres and Fushigi Yuugi, the 3 Sailor Moon Movies, and the 3 FY OVAs. Unfortunately, for most of the time I had to depend on reading the subtitles because the speakers still aren't fixed yet. I prefer the animes in Japanese but I prefer hearing it in Japanese while I read the subtitles. It feels dumb to watch and just read without having to hear anything. Aw. Now, I wanting those anime vids more and more. And, oh, I want the mangas too. Oh.. And posters.. Oh.. And cards.. Oh..

Finding Moon Kingdom

2006-10-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

We all have to grow up and he left so he could grow even more more but I can still imagine 5 microphones on stage. BSB will never be the same without Kevin but I believe that though they're one man less, they'll always be the Backstreet Boys I loved and grew up with. I still remember the days that I built my dreams around them, hoping someday I get to perform on stage with all five of them. He may have gone his separate way but I will never love them any less than I used to.I still need you, I still care about you..

I feel like a kid again. Actually, I still am a kid. Some of the things I thought I've forgotten are coming back to me one piece at a time. I'm starting to miss how I used to love Sailor Moon, how I wish to find my own Tuxedo Mask/Mamoru Chiba, and all that fantastic powers. I used to have this collection of Sailormoon paperdolls and cards, and I love drawing her a lot. I even tried to figure out how to throw my hair into pigtails like hers. Haha. I was obsessing on her and the other Sailor Soldiers. Now, I'm starting to love her all over again. I'm thinking of buying videos so I can watch it all again. When you're growing, you tend to forget the things that makes you happy when you were a child. They're not always real but they keep you alive. My world of fantasies is my Neverland. I was the Moon Princess. Then it reminded me, why can't I be a child again? I have changed a lot on the outside over the years but there still survives a seven-year-old child within me. Like the rest of the things I had in my memory, she never died but has fallen into a long slumber. After a decade, she's woken and like all children she has to be nurtured and cared for. Yay me!

Haha.. okay that was bitin. I'm just so running out of ideas tonight. So.. deal with it!

The plane has landed. They're here and it was a blast. I just wished I watched. Haha. WWE Raw then now Smackdown.. I've been missing on a lot. I'll just check tomorrow for uploads on the on last night's show. Aw..

I feel like staying up all night tonight. The night creature in me is not sleepy yet and has a lot of things in mind. Ta-tuh!

Semestral Break

2006-10-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

Boredom gets me yet again. This is the time of the school year that you could spend just slacking off, doing nothing but it's getting quite old. Yeah, you're relaxed but you're so relaxed you don't have to think of anything 'cause you just can't. You're not so bothered but you're not inspired either. i want to do something but I lack the will and inspiration, and the ability to think of what to do. Pretty lame, huh? I know. At night, for more a few days now, I'd spend the late hours of the night staring into oblivion, imagining nothing, just sitting or lying down my bed,wide awake in total darkness. That would usually be good but at this moment, I feel completely bummed out. Okay, there's the cable and the broadband, and the store.. And then what? The computer's speakers are messed up and loses the sound every now and then and I don't think I can watch one whole movie properly. I have no radio in my room, my phone has no headset, I still don't have the movie VCDs I want to see, I want to watch a movie but no school is always equal to no money. Man, you have no idea how bored I am right now, this very momeny. Grrr..

Yay, Love 2 Love Season 12 Grand Finale is up this Sunday will soon be over. You see, If you've been reading my past posts, you'd know how much I love Cogie Domingo but this stint has been his worst. I'm not going to bash the show, nor the cast, nor the plot but I was just.. really.. very.. pretty much disappointed. Period. I am very glad he didn't get the roles he was supposed to get in Sugo and Captain Barbell because those are GMA's "mediocre" creations. I know the people behind them worked really hard and those are both topraters but compared to the other productions, they seem like leftovers plus I don't like RG. Ahaha. I believe I've said enough so.. that's it. I'm so over thrashing on RG so.. Blah! I'm solid Kapuso but I really have to say that one. Ahaha. Sorry, RG! Phew!

Did I say nothing's bothering me? Actually, there is but nothing big. I just think I flunked Physics. It will not be confirmed until I get my grades on the 20th. Bother is not the exact verb I was ust thinking. But not the serious thinking, thinking. Wooo-whatever! It's just that I won't be taking my Physics 2 with my friend if I fail and repeating Physics one will take another sem of migraine and nosebleed and if you think that's the worst thing that could happen, imagine my parents reminding me of that failure for the rest of my college life until I graduate. Torture? Tell me about it.

Right now, I'm so happy. My new crush, J.A.T., accepted my Friendster invitation. Then I realy like this guy ['cause he's so cute and very sweet] even if we haven't met [and I'm not referring to Cogie].. And I'm so in-love with SD [Super Dollfie]. It's the cutest thing ever. I was never really into dolls but I can't keep my eyes from staring at them. I wish I can have one someday. Just one but someday will not be anytime soon because seeing the website of the company that makes them, they are very expensive and it'd take me years before I can afford them..

*wish-wish*

Languish

2006-10-12T16:17:00.000+08:00

At umasa pa nga ako... POTEK!

Well, what do you know? Even weirdos feel new weird feelings. Ahaha! It's not really serious, just entertaining myself with lovesick thoughts. Feeling good and bad vibes lately and at the same time. They're confusing me about how to feel for certain things. All in all, they're telling me I need change and it's about to happen one of these days. Whatever! We'll just see...

Anyway, exams are over and... I'M FREE! YEEEESSS! Ahaha. Yay me! My friends are planning an outing this Saturday but with only 300 bucks in my pocket, I'm not so sure if I can come.. Dang! Chances are.. I might miss out on this one.. again.. like last year... bummer! Aw!

Just thinking.. What if your gut feeling's telling you that you're dying soon.. or tomorrow.. or a few minutes from when you started getting the strange feeling? Are you going to push through what you've been holding of for so long, for years? How will you prepare for your departure? And why am I asking this? I've just read some parts of my friend's blog that I've never tried to read. He wrote the entry a few days or weeks, not sure, before he died. He was given signs, he felt it was coming, he was scared and.. I can tell that even if it's easy to say, you don't really get to ready yourself instantly. I always say that the only thing I fear is the day that I have lost fear of anything because he who fears nothing loves, and loving nothing makes you less of a human but what if my instinct, or some psychic feeling I have tells me that soon it will be my time to go, how will I possibly feel? How am I going to handle that? And knowing that I haven't done yet everything I wish to have done in my life before I retire, and then realize that I'm going to die, how can I be ready to depart? When you're being told that you're next, will you still be given a chance to do that one last thing you wanted most of all even all the others you wished were not granted? Okay, look. I'm not trying to be morbid (my gothic days will be laid to rest until the next gloomy day of my life befalls me) but I'm just so filled with so much hope that the word ETERNITY is being sang inside my heart. If you've heard Gary V's song In Another Lifetime that said, I do believe what wasn't meant to be wasn't meant for now and someday you'll see, In a place and time we never know, I'll be standing there waiting for you, you'll know what I mean.

lovesick.. lovesick.. i'm just a little lovesick.. carry on with your lives.. don't mind me..

Cool, colds, and coldness

2006-10-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Runnin' running... Runny nose.. haha! My nose is running, running with colds. Aww! Darn cold virus!

Just one more week to endure and off to some freakin' dang chillin'. Haha. The mock job interview for EPP last Saturday was way easier than I expected. I thought I was just chatting with an old professor but.. that was it. The talked we had was really fun because.. I don't know, I just enjoyed. It's just like talking to one of my friends. I bet my classmates got nervous.. Haha. Serves 'em right. Ahaha. Trust me.

I don't know him but I know he's a good man. We are one good Kapuso less. Paalam, Dan Campilan.

A few more months and most of my closest friends are graduating. Haay, I'm going to miss them. Aww.. I miss them already. I wonder how next school year will be without them. There will still be a few of my friends left but very few. Plus I will be left to hang out or having to bear people who are very good at making you feel so unwelcome. They are nice, civil people but not as friendly and warm as "my people". But hey, that's fate. it's just part of the big plan and it's not gonna be forever. Just one more year. After March 2008, it'll be over and I can start a new life and make new friends without having to neglect and forget the old ones. Cheers to that!

I'm starting to feel the good vibes of the coming sem break. Aw, the sweet word.. I can hear it being sang to me by a choir of angels.. VAAA-CAAA-TIOOOOOOOOOON!!

Guess who went to our school to shoot this time. Michael De Mesa. i saw him from the fourth floor. I didn't get to approach to ask for our picture be taken because the time I was done with my mock interview, the scene they were taking is over. Ahaha. I'm not his fan. I'm simply STARSTRUCK. Awww..

Aahon na

2006-10-03T16:59:00.000+08:00

Maghihintay Ako
Atlantika Love Theme
Performed by Regine Velasquez

Malayo man ang umaga sa buhay kong ito
May liwanag ng pag-asa na sisilayan ko
Ikaw na s’yang tugon sa aking panalangin
Puso ko’y wag sanang biguin
Dinggin ang bulong ng alon at hangin

Ating tadhana
Magkaibang mundo
Bakit pilit tayong pinaglalayo
Alam kong batid mo
Tayo'y iisang puso
Kaya’t maghihintay ako

Kay tagal ng panahon
Hanap-hanap ka
Poot ko’y napawi ng makapiling ka
Ngunit naglaho ka
Sa akin ay nawalay
Bakit ang agos ikaw ang tinangay
Mula sa dagat ng aking buhay

Ating tadhana
Magkaibang mundo
Bakit pilit tayong pinaglalayo
Alam kong batid mo
Tayo'y iisang puso
Kaya’t maghihintay ako

Maghihintay ako

Malunod man sa lalim ng sakit
Aanhon din
Sa paglalapit ng langit
Alam kong ikaw
Saka ay babalik
Alam kong ikaw ay babalik

Ating tadhana
Magkaibang mundo
Bakit pilit tayong pinaglalayo
Alam kong batid mo
Dahil iisang puso
Maghihintay ako

Maghihintay ako

Isisiwalat ng buwan ang inililihim ng karagatan. Aahon na ngayong gabi ang Atlantika pero sira pa rin and cable pero kahit paano may kulay na ang tv.

I bet this will be another hit like Mulawin and Encantadia. And I love the theme song. I can't wait. Wala na 'kong masabi.

Finally, there's school tomorrow. I've been on vacation for too long now and exams are up next week. Aww, I missed school. And pretty boring just staying home doing nothing. I mean, it's fun but not always when you don't get to get a break from doing nothing. Haaay..

All good now

2006-10-01T12:33:00.000+08:00

Well not exactly all but atleast it's better.

Thursday was stormy and the wind was blowing like mad. Scary. I didn't see it with my eyes but I heard him blow with all fury and no remorse. He heralded destruction to those who sill cross his path. Milenyo (Millenio), the storm that he is, stormed his way in. To the eyes of a commoner, he is just one of the storms that comes every year this time of the year but to me he was a cavalryman commissioned to claim lives and properties in place for all that was forcibly taken away from her. He was sent for revenge. Nature is his mother and the son, out of love, does what his mother bids. He did his errand well.

Okay, time to lighten up. Hehe.. Did that scare you? It better.. Haha!

The worse we got was a brownout for more than 24 hours and missing a day of bath because the subdivision's tank won't pump water without electricity. We experienced a a few hours of electricity through our neighbor's generator but it didn't last for the whole night. A night without electirc current is hellish 'cause it got the mosquitos on a feast again. You can't keep the doors closed and the mosquitos helped themselves and paid me a little visit. After the storm, the streets looked literally like "DINAANAN NG BAGYO". Leaves and stems are everywhere and a big piece of plywood even got flown to our roof. Hehe. Probably from one of the neighbors. Haha. Tough luck!

Friday. Electricity was back by 9pm, just in time for the Majika Finale. And my cousins came 'cause there's still is no electricity at their boarding house. Also it was the last time I ever played with Ponyang. The youngest cat in the family. My cousins and I went to a major bonding. Wahaha. Saya. We took pictures, talked about a lot of things, had some laughs. We were up until 4am. Haha, tatag!

Saturday. Fiesta. Nothing big. My mom just cooked a big dish for the family and for sharing to some of the neighbors. And though everyone's happy and hyped I took a moment to mourn. Ponyang is gone. Some heartless jeepney driver, who doesn't even live here in our are, hit her and crush her head to death. I didn't see it, and I was blessed because as my cousin described it... it's heart-wrenching. Akang, the mother, went to her dying child who is still somehow moving. I have no idea how animals mourn for the death in their family but I can feel the pain. It's just a kitten, that f*cked up driver must've thought so he did it on purpose. I don't know when, I don't know how but I know that somehow he will pay for what he did. Annoying as they may sometimes be, I love our house cats as if they are my children. Aww.. No use in trying to be bitter about this death. It's over and done all I can do now is say goodbye.

Paalam, Ponyang.

Back to my girls... My cousins and I went to the mall to grab some chow and take pictures. Fun day if it wasn't for the heavy traffic on the way to the mall and back. Later we went to watch a beauty contest held in line with the fiesta. And we kept joking about the prestige and kept making fun of the mistake the hosts make, and the contestants. Haha. Highest level laughtrip! After the show we went to my room to have a one-on-one talk with one of my cousin who's been having supernatural encounters. Oh, well...

The electricity is back but the cable still isn't. It's good that channel 7 is back but without an antenna, there's hardly a color. I missed the first few episodes of the new season of American Dragon jake Long but I hope the cable's back before October 8th so I can watch Read It and Weep.

The storm is over but what he's done while he was still here lingers...

Wala lang!

Smile from heaven

2006-09-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

This world is one good man less. I confirmed it from Carlo that Sir Arnel Arce passed away. It's sad losing such wonderful human being but atleast he's done with the sufferings from this life. It's his time to go and wherever he is, I believe he's happy and it's way better there. We're not really close but I think we somehow made a connection. He's my favorite English teacher after Sir Greg. Heaven could use one more angel and you will be greatly missed..

Swim away, great Dolphin. You're free now.

This week's been emotional from getting the news of a friend's death very late, unreliable and... simply annoying, they are interrupting with my personal schedule and plans and one's getting on my last nerve because he won't cooperate. I know plans can fail but never expected it to be this bad, if I knew I would have chosen to do it myself. But happy fate, Saturday turned to be fun though tiring.

ABS-CBN is doing their shoots at our school again but this time I had strength [tibay at lakas ng loob, yeah!] to actually approach the celebs and ask them for a picture. Too bad, if I knew they were coming, I should've brought my "handy-dandy" that I really reserved for celebrity autographs. Anyway, atleast I was able to take pictures with them. You can check it out HERE.

Hearts are soaring, love is in the air and I'm still lovesick. Heck! I'm still crushing on Rafael Paterno III. Aw! I've been into chinitos lately. Haha! If you, reader, happen to know him, please tell him I said hi and I've been watching him whenever I see him in school. I can't help but stare. Cuteness ever1

A little more patience is what I need. Just a little more; I just have to get the defense, the projects and the final exam over with and then I can rest and plan plans again though I know it could just fail again. Heck! Things just have to change or atleast some of it. Dreams dreams and start building and mending my brokenness, maybe write some songs, create some work of art... whatever I just have to freshen up from this semester's dirt. I wish to somehow improve myself. Aw..

Back on track

2006-09-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

Guess who's back on line?

Oh, wait! IT'S JUST ME! Hahaha! The home pc is back and working. I should have no more problems on working outside and spending my money on rentals. No new artwork or vanity photos just yet but there will be once I'm done with our projects and all the yadda-yaddas that goes woth it.

I had a very happy day today. There's this very cute guy who cut my hair [no, he's not gay!] at Edwin Samot. His name is Jerwin. His hair is dyed blonde, his skin is flawless, he's taller than I am, he's got beautiful hands, he's just... perfect for me. Haha. I'll be coming back for him on my next haircut. Aww, Jerwin...

Ok, I think I did well at the poem writing contest today, I wish I'd win but the results aren't coming until next week. oh, sweet victory. Nothing wrong about keeping your hopes up, right? I spent the afternoon with my friends/former blockmates. We had a a little party for Mike and Marlon's birthday. Almost everyone was there. Everyone's a camwhore. hehe. There was food, cameras, nonstop laughing, a few drinks, more laughs... Haha, enjoy! Hopefully, they upload the pictures soon.

Maybe, that'd be it for now. I need to take a bath and still have assignments to get done. Buh-bye!

Pass me by

2006-09-11T09:28:00.000+08:00

First of all, I'm freezing. I'm in a computer shop outside school ad the aircon is just right behind me. Grrr...

Last week was a total bummer. I almost died out of boredom and disappointment. I missed two of the great opportunities in just a couple of days. Nice life but I believe I will get my chance next time.

I've seen the "episode" and that could've been me. Ouch! His eyes glittered over... Double the ouch.

Paranoia overdose. Some people have never really been that friendly from the beginning but now they're colder. I think I've done something but I'm not sure if that was the reason. A massive, major deadma crusade is disrupting my peace of mind. I know I shouldn't really mind since they're not even my friends and we're not close but maybe, just maybe someoe could have somehow informed me of what's happening. This is not the kind of murder I want to be in. If they didn't like what I've done or said, or I have offended them somehow they could have told me to resolve things. Maybe if I really mean it, I will apologize or I too mean to actually mean being mean I would just live the day, and face them with no remorse. F*ck! I don't even know what I'm saying. Now I miss my tropa so much. I hardly see them.

I'm seeing 2 movies this week to somehow relieve me of bummering and boredom, and lovesickness that really sucks. Also, groupmates being of no real help makes you want to go solo lazy as you are. And your dreams being put to indefinite delay. Nice life, what can be sweeter?

Lab exam later in Web Application Development. Javascript pogramming. Aw.

Gotta go now.

Unfortunate Slight

2006-09-04T11:37:00.000+08:00

Muntik nang maabot ang langit if it wasn't for a stupid motherboard. You have no idea how much I've lost with this unfortunate event. Mami-meet ko na dapat siya! Kainis talaga. Opposing forces have their cunning way on altering my luck. Fulfilling the dream of finally meeting him has yet again been put to a delay. Still, I'm not running out of ways and hopes of making this life-long dream happen. Maybe it's not yet time, and fate wants me to imagine how it would feel like when it happens. Till then, I have to get ready. Awts!

I had so much to write about the past few days but I can't forever spend my daily allowance [baon] on computer rentals. I just have no choice. Kainis! I'll be back again when I have something new to write since I've decided to let the happenings of the past days just be past. Aw! Gulo! I have to go now, my second class starts at 12 and I don't want to be late and sing infront of class.

By the way, Cogie's back... I love!

Heart You, Hurt You

2006-08-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

Got a new crush: Prince Andrea Albert Pierre Casiraghi of Monaco.

But then again, I'm dreaming...

My Superman, Brandon Routh is engaged but, hey, does that stop me from dreaming? No chance!

What a day?! I feel heavy with runny nose, headaches, body aches, blah-blah! What could get worse than having class on a Saturday. We are required to attend English Profiency chuva classes starting this Saturday and next 4 Saturdays and if the we'll be scheduled any time later than 8am, it means I'll be missing out on Saturday episodes of Monster Allergy for 5 weeks. F*ck! I get up early on Saturdays and saturdays so I can miss my new fave show but then comes this EP thingy. They could have scheduled it on a regular school day, can't they? Heck! Ah, ewan!

Compliment are meant to flatter but all the more I tend to pity myself. They are either consolation or plain lies, as i see it. I just wish people won't say anything anymore if they know it's not so good for the person meant to hear it, and if they know that they should know. Hay, whatever!

I'll be off for another activity when september kicks off. Micoi signed me up on a poem contest sponsored by the University Student Council. Having bagged second in Computula, I have more confidence now that I have a big chance on winning this.

Fingers point against one another as the oil spill worsen. I mourn for the wild life that is wasted but Mother Nature has her way of getting back at people. She has no remorse in avenging her children and we know innocent lives pay for the innocent lives lost. The worse is coming and no matter how ready we become, lives will be claimed. All will be punished.

Till then...

New look

2006-08-21T17:42:00.000+08:00

New look and feel. Haha. I tweaked one of the Blogger templates a little, and that's it. Haha. I'm still working on my layering and using z-index so I can't get on with my original design just yet. It will be ready soon, as soon as I get to GET it, get it? Haha.

Ninoy day, school's out. Boring. Tomorrow, I will be out early 'because the Software Engineering teacher will be gone for a seminar. I have to leave the house early so I can do my assignment on that freaking Physics. Aw. Personal website due on friday and my homepage is the only one I got. Haven't started our SAD/SE project. Heck. I tried vectoring in Photoshop. There it is at the header. Haha. Boring, bored.

Okay, my last post said I'm lovesick. I am but not because I'm into someone [except for Cogie] but because... Ah, I can't explain. It's nothing new anyway, so if you can't then you don't have to understand. I'm plain lonely, discontented, bored, longing... Ah, me...

State I'm In

2006-08-21T12:34:00.000+08:00

lovesick

adj.

1. ~~So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally; laguishing~~ [languishing - adj: amorously (strongly attracted to, disposed to love) pensive(deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful)] ~~because of love~~
2. ~~Exhibiting a lover's yearning~~

I cannot think of a better word.

Sunday

2006-08-20T13:59:00.000+08:00

Cogie sang on SOP today. He shaved a line down his left eyebrow but didn't affect his beauty, not one bit. There's a certain infectious glow in his eyes that makes him bloom even more. He has this mystery that I want to discover but how can you demistify the secret of the Egyptian pyramids without having to fly halfway across the world and do the digging yourself. That's the logic of my 'fan' existence.

But I can dream, can't I?

Histamine

2006-08-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

*singing: Monster Allergy, oh, they make me sneeze...

With so much to do, today is no good day to get an allergy. It's my first time in over a year to actually eat shrimp [tempura]and this is what I get. I was already gagging at my first few bites, and my lips are red and itching but I ate it anyway since it was already there and I'm really hungry. The stupid Japanese resto we ate in this afternoon for lunch ran out of crab so I chose shrimp instead. I thought my allergy thingy was just a child of my imagination but here it is. The program was watching was almost done when I started sneezing like mad, and I could feel my right eye swelling. The last performers where still onstage when I ran to the school clinic to get some medicine. The nurse thought I was crying, well I was teary, but I told her about what I ate. I have decided to join the block @ Rhea's place for Ghi and Ayen's bash but had to go home so I could rest my eyes so I just told the others to tell the guys that I couldn't come because of my allergy and I believe they've seen how I looked like and I think I didn't look so goos when I came to them and told them that. So that's it. I went home and retired.

No more shrimp, again, from now on. Well, except for shrimp balls 'cause I can't take my tongue away from street food. Just love 'em, oh...

Nothing much happened today. Just had SAD, went to CSPC office to help out some friends for the preparation for today's event, had a little chatter with Saint whom I've not seen for a while, Had lunch with Cresta, Lui, She-an, and another COE friend, Watched CS Protocol and took some pictures, Went to the clinic for some aid, Drank some buko juice after taking in the medicine I got from the clinic, bid some friends goodbye, Went home and slept. My day has been cut short. Kainis!

Got news that Cogie will be in the upcoming show Bakekang with Lovi [<- awwttss!], and will be up for the next season of Love to Love [that'd be Season 11]. Can't wait for Sunday so I can see him on SOP for his belated happy birthday celebration. Ah, Cogieee...

....:aw:....

2006-08-15T18:02:00.000+08:00

Somebody once said that 'if you want to grow, you have to move out of your comfort zone' but I won't be moving out anytime soon. Haha. I was once again told that the world is not only in Cavite, and I have to see it from the outside of where I already am but I'm not really in a hurry. I want to see the world outside but not because I was told to and besides, I'm too lazy to go out and about and show myself to the world. I find travelling very stressing and the world outside is a lot more polluted [all kinds] that my world here and I always take home pimples when I go anywhere outside this world.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, REDMOND CHRISTOPHER FERNANDEZ DOMINGO!!!

When will I ever meet you? Awww... I believe he's coming back bit by bit. I expect to see him on SOP this Sunday. Ah, dear perfection... When will I actually see your face? Aw, aw, aw!

I'm so hungry, I can't think any further. Hahaha...

No title

2006-08-14T22:29:00.000+08:00

Chaos stirring in my head and all around me. I do not need this right now.

I've started writing my wish list. It feels good to write down the things you could ever want without any assurance that you'll ever have it. I may reach graduation, but I probably will not yet be finished. Patience will never be enough.

Call me sly, call me cunning. However you call it, you have still been overruled, and I manipulated you without you knowing it. I do have ways to get what I want, and nobody got hurt. Point is: I rule.

So much coming up for Wednesday. It isn't here yet but I'm already worn off. I'm not sure if I can make it to all of them. I'm not so much into staying in school till afternoon. I just don't like staying away from the house for long unless it's personal business like I want to hangout and chill with friends or there's a movie I'd like to see.

0800 - 0900 : SAD class
1200 - 1430 : CS Protocol
1500 - 1800 : Ghi and Ayen's Birthday Bash @ Rhea's
1800 - 2000 : NU gig @ school

I think I like the new Koreanovela Love Story in Harvard which piloted this evening. Wala lang. I said I'm enjoying the Tamagotchi thingy but it's starting to get old. Pets aren't so enjoyable when it's virtual and you can't touch it. That SAD project is still getting into my nerves: they ask too much when they've actually given very little. I hate it! But as if I have any choice?! And we'll be havign SAD 2 next semester, Kainis!

Birthday na ni Cogie bukas. Advanced Happy 21st Birthday, Cogs! Babatiin din kita bukas kahit dito lang sa blog. I heart you!

2006-08-11T23:50:00.001+08:00

Full moon, Earth tide, sleepless night. Wednesday night is tough. The moonlight shown full force down on me through my window. I wanted to sleep early so I can go to school 30 minutes before the time so I can 'do' my Physics assignment but no matter how early I retired that night, I still rolled in and out of my bed for a good 2 hours. I love the full moon and it loves me too as I see it. Since childhood the moon's been affecting me; if I'm not into a big headache, I'm hyperactive, or I'm lonely, but one thing that never fades: I'm always sleepless. Seems like she [La Luna/The Moon] wants me to stay up with her, and wait till she falls to sleep before I do. Aw, tough love! Ahaha!

It took some 45 minutes before my Physics let me out and attend my seminar. Heck! I didn't actually fail to do my assignment. Buti na lang. Anyway, today's seminar is good. One of the things that one of the speakers said that left a mark in my head: In picking a course to take in college, you should not choose one just because you'll someday make a living out of it, but chose the one that will complete you as a person [Piliin mo ang kursong bubuo sa pagkatao mo]. It made a lot of sense because the speakers that day finished Commerce and Psychology but ended up doing what they have passion for, Literature. They did study for Literature too, even had their Doctors Degree, but my point is I know now why I'm here. You'll never enjoy it if you went for something for the wrong reasons. I took Computer Science because I want to be a digital artist, 3d animator, web designer... etc. and though I shifted to IT the mission of my quest still remained. I also wanted to take Fine Arts and Psychology but they'll have to wait for financial reasons. Hehe. That was my fourth Palad seminar [Felson was there too, and we talked about a lot of things, including the meaning of our names, and had some bonding. I haven't seen him for a while and I think he's graduating this March. so sad!] and I'll be back for my last again next year.

Friday: As usual, the seminar started late but it was worth the wait. To cut it short, i enjoyed everything about it especially watching the short films. I'll just write more when I remember.

Saturday: My brother brought some nasty kids he call his friends home to drink and get wasted.Ew!

Cogie sang in SOP for Iza Calzado's birthday and greeted her, and she greeted him too. But it's as if he wasn't there. Pero good news, they're celebrating his birthday next week. Sayang lang wala akong recorder. buti na lang nanood ako ngayon ng SOP. Ang saya ko tuloy, hehe.

Don't have much to say, I'm just tired of my S.A.D. groupmates. I'm thinking of going solo but I haven't decided yet. I have no future, or in their case, a grade, if I keep hanging on to these monkeys. Friendship is not enough to make you pass a subject. I'm not liking it a bit.

Okay, that'd be it for now.

Torment

2006-08-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

As if waking up to a nightmare wasn't bad enough...

I dreamt a dream of having a dream of being killed, stabbed to death. Yes, a dream within a dream. I woke up for a moment because I had a dream that someone murdered me with a sword on my own bed, as I sleep. I woke up drowning in my tears and shaking with fear just to wake up again because I had that dream, or dreams not crying but still surging with fear. I went to school and back home fearing that today will be my last. I avoided every possible place where death may lurk and get me. I never feared anything this much for years. Not that I'm afraid to die, but I prefer painless death. Good enough that prayers can calm and I woke up again after a few more hours after I went back to sleep as if no such mental imagery came over me. Thank God!

I've always loved Science and the discovery of its wonders but Physics is definitely not one of them. It's been torture ever since the class started. The world know I'm mathematically-challenge and I have no idea how I'm ever going to get that 1.00 this term to pass but this morning I took a leap of faith, and took my chance for once. Hehe... I'm not sure what I was doing, whether it's the right way but I tried to do our seatwork without asking my classmates' "help". Well, I know I have to go back to asking "help" [you know what I mean], but atleast even for once in the history of my college Physics I tried to work on my own. Just this once. Haha! I will have to depend on those at the top of the food chain for my survival in this subject or be lag behind again like I did in Trigo [the memories are too painful to remember], which is one of the reasons that forced me to shift to another course. After this school year, I expect no more Math-related subject to make me suffer again and again. And I may be weak in Math but there are a lot more of others things that I'm good at that I do A LOT BETTER THAN YOU!

I was supposed to go to Princess' party today but I didn't make it since I had no one to go with because if they haven't left already, others are went in the after noon, and by that time I was already at home. I guess I'd just apologize to her and promise I'd make it up next time.

I didn't like that Honey-spiced chicken. I'm never buying it again. Heck! Went to Rob Imus this morning to buy a City of Angels VCD but they don't have it so I went home empty-handed. Darn! But there was this dimsum stand that stood beside the video store and I'll be some time next week to try their food. Looks really yummy. I love dimsum! I also saw some of the movies I wanted to buy but will have to wait since i don't have enough money. And these pop-ups are annoying me. I want to kill whoever invented viruses and spywares. One of my cousins stowed away from home with his boyfriend and is still in hiding that I really find dumb. Maybe she just didn't want to be separated because his dad bought a house and she'll have to leave my aunt's, and Lucena and Manila is far too distant, and maybe he loves that guy so much or... Bah! We pilot our own lives and that's the way she chose to go. She may or may not regret it but atleast she made a decision for herself. Though I still think it's dumb. Sorry!

I've been offered to join another band and I turned it down. I'm still not sure if I want to be in a band again but I'll think about it so when he asks me again, if he will, I will have an answer. Ah, choices...

Quote of the Day:
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.
- Buddha

Maybe, we should all think about it.

Zip-zap-zup!

2006-08-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

I went to the COSSC office to get my prize and was surprised to see the BCS41 class was all there, eating. Hehe, it's Micoy's birthday today. The food was good but I didn't get to taste the cake that looks really lush. Yum! Next time na lang!

I've a new baby, a Tamagotchi that is. I named him Vlad. Gunbound won't run on my phone but atleast the Tama did. Ahihi! Cuteness.

I got news that the guy that's beaten us in Digital Poem and got 1st place used Movie Maker. Man, I should've used Grouper. Haha! Anyway, atleast I won 2nd. I'm competing again next year. Okay, got nothing much to say. I just wanna write something about today. Hey! buh-bye!

S.A.D. stinks!

2006-08-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

Yay for me! I won 2nd Place in the Digital Poem Contest. Hay, What a good compensation for all my pains that week. Moneeeeeey! Whehehe! About the postermaking, atleast they are giving us consolations 'cause they only chose one winner which is good 'cause I wouldn't have to feel so bad, 'cause it felt like making thrash, and the others seem to not taking it seriously, they think it's just about the fun, well I didn't have any fun at all. They do not know how much every competition means to me and I guess they never will. Who stinking cares? It'll be the last I'm having with them but of course, they're still my friends. Pft!

Doing our Systems Analysis and Design project f'n stinks. It just doesn't make sense. They ask too much but give very little like, they expect a good system when we haven't taken up any other programming languages yet other than C, C++, and Java unlike those Computer Science students. We're IT. What the f?! And the others have already done it, why do we have to? I'm really not feeling this. Lame.

Dang that PC! It is once again spyware-infested but this time I admit it's my fault. Ads' been popping up every now and then. I've got 3 softwares to sweep those nasty ads but they're persistent. F*ck! Why do humans have to be so greedy with money? They don't respect other people, all they care for is making money that's why they make these things. Someday I'll find a way to get rid of every one of them. These pop-ups are interrupting my typing. The international community should do something about this.

Anyway, I'm sketching some stuffs that I'm planning to use for my Personal Website project. The new Evanescence website layout is pretty inspiring and I'm already seeing it inside my head, it's gothic, glamorous, and fancy-looking. I'm not sure I can start and finish just in time for submission because it'll require digitally coloring it with Photoshop and having just a mouse to do thesmudging is a lot of work plus the encoding. But I really wish to finish it. Another YAY for me!

Just finished 2 books: Beast by Donna Jo Napoli and Quadehar the Sorcerer by Erik L'Homme and I plan to get another one to read. I want to write reviews but I'll just get to that when I get to have a free time.

My wishlist is growing but all I can have for the moment is patience. I just wish I live to see the day I get to by everything that I am dreaming of.

Heal

2006-07-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

Balik-sigla! I'm starting to talk Shakespeare again. Life is coming back at my half-dead self. Last week, so far, is the most physically exhausting and emotionally draining week I've had ever since the year started. Unfortunately, I also missed the Superman tumblers at KFC because of last week's commotion. Well, I'm slowly... uh, what do you call this... Recovering. Getting the good vibes back. Whooohoo!

Everything I imagined to be perfect, everything I think I worked hard for seem to have lost its significance. The pain somehow departed, though particles still hit me on the face while it flies with the wind but I'm better than now than I've been during the weekend. I just hope nobody spoils it. Tranquility, serenity... I'm almost there.

I'm starting to read this book Beast. I've no idea yet about the gist but judging the cover, it's good. But as the fabulous Melanie said, don't judge the book, read it! Hahaha...

Palad again! I'm ready, I'm coming. It's my fourth Palad seminar. Yehey! Ganda, Creative Writing, Scriptwriting, Poetry... Weeee!

Mind Kill

2006-07-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

Why does everything have to be struggle? All the time it's the same thing, it's a fight or flight situation for me. I seem to be intentionally disappointing my self. What I dreamt of to be perfect ends up to be such mess. My self-esteem is evaporating and I'm drying up. I'm running out of restraints and patience, losing my calm, I feel like bursting out in fury. I need to rejuvinate somehow. Somehow...

Someone just plucked my last nerve yesterday. Sayang, I almost hit him but he caught my arm and someone passed behind him. One more word from him and I'll make sure I break his nose. I've kept my rage long enough. Just one more offensive joke, wherever we are, whoever you're with, you will get hurt. But worry not, I'll send myself to the University Discipline Office afterwards if you wish it, as long as I get my revenge. It'll be worth dirtying up my record. If he only knows that I've already murdered him inside my head. I imagined myself beating him up, battering him to death. He laid bleeding, and his existence is at my mercy. Hahaha!

This is evil but I'm just being true. I'm angry and I will tell it as I feel it.

Another day

2006-07-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

~~Tuesday~~ night has been so cruel. Storm outside, tears flow, and emotions stirring all over the place. That night was more hellish than the hell week we call exam week.

~~Wednesday~~ made me sore. Tireless walking along the corridors of SM Mall of Asia. The trip was of short notice and I wasn't prepared. My limbs still hurt till now. Felt like I worked out five hours straight. Ouch! Despite the "hurt", I still enjoyed yesterday. I literally froze the whole day. I wake up in the freezing cold of dawn, then Patrick's car airconditioning, then MoA's skating rink, then the aircon again. Heck! The temperature was really sleep-conducing, and I slept during the travel then laugh along when I'm awake while the guys played with Veronica and play "gay" with each other.

Before that I went to watch ES jam. They were supposed to play for the COS GA but they had no practice. It was fun but there was some annoying emo boy who would open the door of the studio to peep and there was this guy who went in to seat. I don't know why. And before that, I had yet again one of the greatest insults I will ever receive from stupid, pathetic creatures who are lesser humans than I am. It's arrogant and immodest to say but I mean it and that serves them well. I'm not saying their name, but furious as I am today, I give myself the honor of vituperating them without them knowing it. Backstab, baby! Tried and I'm tired. I hope they get to read this. Wahaha!

No matter how happy doing the things you love can be, sometimes you can never help but feel so uninvited. What used to be my stage is not mine anymore. My last bow... Bow-wow-wow! Bwahaha! Who cares?! I can set another stage for myself. Beat that.

~~Thursday~~ can never be more cruel. Reluctance, desperation, frustration and desperation. I failed myself again. I dreamt too much, miscalculated, missed my aim and worst... Expected to much from other people. I had it already, and this time it's really over. It's either I do it alone or I don't do it. I'm not mad though, just a bit upset but other than that I'm doing great. So good to have sweet distractions to make me forget for a while. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be lost inside your head, seeing only beautiful things, not having to experience the harshness of the world outside. I have enough strength to keep my peace and sanity but what if I don't. Maybe, I'd be happier. *smiles faintly*

I'm currently reading the love story I've fallen inlove with a thousand times. My heart is simply overwhelmed. Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy but it gives me all hopes with love. You definitely won't understand. Anyway, I thought I have outgrown my love for Amy Lee and Evanescence but I'm living that love again. Wala lang.

The winds of change is singing to me. Shall I hear more of it or shall I answer. Can I be bold enough. I'll think about it.

Love it!

2006-07-25T19:48:00.000+08:00

Now what? First, the storm then now the SONA, then the storm again. I've been out of school for three days now. I stayed home last Friday because I got no exam scheduled for that day, then classes were suspended on Monday so the whole country can listen to the president and his minions clap orchestratedly as she says every line. So staged and scripted, but not so satisfying. She proclaims ear candies every year but there's hardly an output. The storm and the SONA came at the same day, and imagine the storm's name was the same as that of the president. Wahaha! They had to change it to Glenda to show some respect. Heck! They didn't really have to. The country's been in calamaity ever since and it just keep getting worse. Everyday is a GLORIA moment. What a waste?! I do need some disruptions sometimes but not today, just not a good time. The postermaking contest was supposed to be last Monday but that stupid SONA has to come and ruin my schedule and plans. OUST GLORIA! Wahaha!

Don't rule-breakers rock? Madonna made it to the top of rule-breaking videos. I'm not a Madonna fan but I love it when someone breaks free from the norm. Wehehe! PASAWAY!

Oh, yeah! I've seen the Mahiwagang Baul last Sunday. My Cogs is as gorgeous as he's always been and I believe he'd do good in a Tele-Fantasia. Can't wait for his next tv appearance or better, a regular show. Finally, I found some picture of him from the Animax Sundown Party. Love it though there are some alien creature with him in them, Aw!

This is rad, I'm obsessing on Leonard Whiting's young self. Awwwee! I don't know. I just feel in-love with my Romeo and started to download a lot of his old pictures and put up this page in Multiply. I love this feeling, having my imaginary prince wearing young Leonard's face. I think the real Leonard is in his 50s already but who cares. I will paint him one day with me [talk about manipulation] and I'll post his pretty face on my wall [I plan to paint other guys too like Christopher Reeve, Brandon Routh, Johnny Depp, Cogie et al]. I'm not into the old him, who's probably married and has grandchildren, but the him that was him before I was concieved or my parents even met. I'm so obsessed that I'm currently fooling my cousin to believing that the avatar [which is a picture of Olivia and Leonard walking, hilding hands] I'm using in my YM is me and some special guy. I'm actually flattered that she thinks that it was really me because she's a bit of the same figure as I am in that picture or maybe it's the dress [as if I'd really wear a dress]. The picture quality is quite good that you wouldn't know, unless you're a fan, that it was taken some 30 years ago. Whatever! I'm just loving this! She's playing, I'll play along. Yeehah!

This is interesting, Leonard looks a bit like one of my friends, Carlo. If could only be a bit neater, try preppy fashion, lighten the hair color a bit, comb his hair... Hunk muffin! Wahaha! Peace!

Yay! Visitors from Europe, USA, Far East, Japan and Taiwan. Thank you, thank you!

That week

2006-07-23T12:37:00.000+08:00

I went to see the Dead Man's Chest last thursday but it still isn't sinking in. Heck! I love Johnny Depp, I love all these 'pirate' thing but it just lacks something. I can't figure out what. Anyway, the heart of Davy Jones is still with Norrington, that old captain from the first movie is back and Jack Sparrow is inside the Cracken [did I spell that right?] and we'll definitely see a third movie. Oh, well..

Been having strange visitors in my dreams, and my dreams themselves are strange. I may be thinking too much but even those I hardly think about appear to me in my slumber. And I thought my way of thinking is already weird, my dreams can get a lot weirder. hehe..

We're competing this Monday. The Bill Collectors are at it again. I hope we get the gold just like the olden days. Haha! It's been years since we won first. I want it again this time. They've been cutting on the budget but it's still not bad as long as you have something to win.

Red Sunday, I am... Jealous of the girl who caught your eye.. Jealous of the one who'se arms are around you.. Jealous of the one who finally found you.. Jealous of the one who won your heart.. She's a very, very lucky girl.

Save me while you can. I drift on the most unreal things. I fill my world with fantasies, I live inside my head, I'm starting to drown. There's so much love I can give, so many things I can do but it's all in my dreams and I see it even when I'm not asleep. There's seems to be nothing in the real world for me. I wasn't born for this harsh life. There's something more, a lot more waiting for me in somewhere away from where I am now.

Let me think for a moment...

Happy

2006-07-22T14:19:00.000+08:00

I just have to let this out! Wahaha! I missed Nuts Entertainment this week where Cogie sat on the Hot Seat in Balakubak. Darn! No wonder I can't sleep that night. I spend a lot of time just sitting in front of the tv but how could have I missed that commercial. If I've seen it, I could've stayed up last Wednesday night and watched him. Heck! He apparently admitted that he and Lovi have been going out for 3 months now. Nobody knows if he's courting him or they're already together. Sana LEVY na lang, di na LOVI, wehehe! Kainis! Now, this Sunday he will be on Mahiwagang Baul's Alamat ng Agila. I won't be missing this one this time. I also missed his guesting last year in Bubble Gang. Kainis talaga! Anyway, I'm happy that he's coming back, step-by-step. Buti na lang someone posted it on the message boards and I read it agad or I may miss this one tomorrow. Awww... I love Cogie!

Clamour and Crave

2006-07-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

Romeo

2006-07-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

The young Leonard Whiting and Zac Efron

Won't Zac make a beautiful Romeo? I wish someone would make a remake of Romeo and Juliet. Leonard is the world's favorite Romeo while Zac can be the cuter version of Romeo. Leonard is handsome, Zac is cute but there is a clear resemblance. If you see Leonard now, he's in his 50s now, you can already imagine how Zac would be when he gets to that age, which won't be anytime soon 'cause he's only 19, and I do hope that he gets to be Romeo before he turns 30. Aw, I love Romeo.

Stormed in

2006-07-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

Wednesday. The rain falls on me like water from heaven. I was soaking wet but I didn't mind. It brought me memories of someone I used to share it with. I can never forget how he would hold me close so we could share an umbrella or how we both ran into the rain because nobody brought an umbrella. The stormy winds felt good on my face. It cleansed me and reminded me of things I usually forget like when I usually say to my self that I don't tolerate pain simply because I hardly tolerate feelings. I refuse to be ordinary and with that I refuse to be human. Thank the heavens for the gift of rain, it washes back what I throw away.

Thursday. I was literally stormed in. Classes were suspended and spent the almost all day asleep. It was good that the storm saved me from taking that horrible Physics exam but I didn't get to give my friends/ former blockmates the letter I wrote for their Retreat today. This was supposed to be the last Retreat I'm going to with my friends but it's never going to happen now. I made my choice, and I had to leave. The day went on and night came with the sky rumbling above my head but it doesn't really worry me. I woke up that day with a beautiful dream. He was here, in my house. My Red Sunday was here, we were friends and we were happy. But that was just a dream. To think that I've only had him once or twice in my dreams and never actually met him, my intuitively introverted unconscious mind must be telling me that the day is near that I am going to meet him. I'm still waiting and I will never stop.

Jealousy is storming me. It's about Red Sunday again. Let me call him that because I can't stand people ridiculing me about my feelings on someone who's totally out of my league. If you've been reading my blog, you would know who he is. Okay. I'm thinking of him, as usual, and he's rumored to be this singer girl's boyfriend, and I get this feeling that they're really together and happy. I have no news about him and I have no interest in getting any news about her unless it involves him. Dreaming to be his girlfriend is far too much, all I wanted is to meet him and be his friend. I always say that. I want to tell the world someday that I KNOW HIM. When is that ever going to happen? Aw! I also think he's the one she wrote songs for and they're all about him. Hey, I can sing too and I can write poems & songs too but the difference is.. we've never met, he doesn't know such a lonely creature like me exists and I'm not her. Heck!? Am I dreaming dreams or what? Or what! Haha.. I'm so pathetic!

Maybe next time, I'll post happier thoughts but this time let me do one of things I do best... EMOTE!

Super

2006-07-08T14:59:00.000+08:00

I fell in love with a MAMI. That's right, a Beef Mami noodles. I went to this eatery yesterday and their Mami was so good. It taste a lot like the Beef Wanton I usually order at Chowking. Their beef was tender and sweet. Man, I came back twice. I love it!

I was supposed to watch Val, Andrew and Micoy tryout for the Sportsfest but I chose to go with the girls to watch Superman Returns. We would have prefered to go 3d in SM Mall of Asia's iMAX theater but it's too far and expensive. For a change, 'cause I'm always hanging out with the boys, I spent a little movie bonding with my girl friends. Oh, well... Man, I spent the money over the week to watch and I have to save again for next week. Pirates of the Caribbean 2's coming up next week but I think I will see it alone. I get too noisy when I watch movies with company. Read my review on Superman on my Multiply account. Tah-tuh!

I'm taking my time right now with Rainee's bluetooth. I uploaded, and downloaded, and... Wehehe! Enjoy!

Happy birthday!

2006-07-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me! Now what? Nothing so-special happened today. Just treated myself to a meal at Jollibee. The spa plan I intended for today didn't happen, but it's no big deal. I can have it any other time, just not today. I'm currently on a financial crisis and though I have so much I want to happen for my birthday, I just can't. I wanted to have a little party just like last year, and even rent a videoke, and band instruments for a night of pure chilling and music but I'll have to save that for another year; It may not be next year, or the year after that, or not even five years from now but I will make it happen... Someday.

Pacquiao won last Sunday and I just knew it. I just didn't expect it to reach until Round 12. Go, Pacman! Time to kick Morales and his terrible a**. Wahaha! Last Saturday we went to Val's place for his cousin's slash godchild's birthday. Good food, I say! We also had our usual bonding moment with a guitar, cellphones, stories, and teasing. I'm gonna miss those guys when they graduate next year. Aww..

Defending a system is not so much of a problem this semester, but one thing is. How on earth am I going to survive Physics? All the Math it requires is beyond my understanding. I'm dumb at Math, and even if I remember anything it would be all random and not so synchronized so no matter what I know, nothing will make sense. Hurrr.. I trying hard to think positive, convincing myself to believe I deserve a 60 for the Finals. It's actually just the Prelims and that is where all the Math horror happens since it's written in the map called syllabus that we have to "recall" our past math lessons. Darn Mathematics! Darn that syllabus! Darn that professor. Okay, forgive me. I do not doubt that he's bright I just think he sucks at teaching. The exams are coming two weeks from now and I do hope that he puts a lot of Identification, Enumeration, Matching type, and True or False because by far, that's all I can manage. Awdy-aw-aw! Harsh!

I love blog quizzes. Dang! They can give you accurate answers no matter how random they are. Prrrt! Ahlavet! There was supposed to be a a blogquiz above this but the codes are very erratic so I'd edit tomorrow and post it. Ayusin nyo code nyo, hah!?

I had so much to write when I came home this afternoon specially that driver of the jeepney I rode on my way home. He cursed and threatened the passengers because of only one. He blabbered, murmured, as if evoking something from somewhere, kept saying the world Diablo. What the heck was that? I'm not sure who's mistake it was but he sure is maangas. That one passenger apparently asked for change when he already gave the change. From the beginning of the trip, he's already mad at the barker carrying a stick, and some more things he came across the road. Heck! I think I remember that driver. I remember having rode his jeep some time last year, and he was furious at the traffic enforcer who shooed him where he was supposed to pick up his passenger. He cursed, hobby?, and sped up the drive as if he crazed and wanted to hit anything that crosses his path. He sure is grumpy. What's up with that? Ah, who cares?! Bless him. Period.

Someone I know lied. She said she's coming out of something, I bought this little something, checked it out a couple of times and never found her there. Harsh! She didn't actually tell it to me, but she told someone else who told me. I knew she was lying but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She even used the story I told her about someone's , who goes by the same name as her, fate and she eventually used to decieve that someone who told me her secret. That's why she, the liar, didn't want her, the person who told me, to tell me because she know that I know that story since I was the one who shared that to her. Her schemes can be pretty dumb. Tsk, tsk. Look how insecurity can pull us all lower than we already are. No, I'm not dissing her. I just don't like what she's been doing. Why can't she, just for once, be herself. I wish her well na lang. My thought, that she can't read but even if she did, can't and won't move her unless she really wants to change. Oh, well..

That "band" thing is still haunting me no matter how I deny it, and tell myself I don't want to come back anymore. Actually I don't, I want to make a new band. A versatile one, a.. Oh, enough of this. I would be a band former member if I keep telling things behind their backs, or broadcasting it worldwide when they cannot even read about it. Sorry. They are my friends. Oh, well.. Speaking of worldwide, I've been getting hits from Europe, East Asia, and a lot from US. I'm nowhere near a hundred yet but, hey, as long as I know someone's reading my blog or just visiting, I'm A-OK with that. Thank you, one and all.

I've already uploaded almost all of the pictures of Cogie that I kept in diskettes all these years but sadly, it's not everything. It's just ALMOST ALL. There are casualties and I hate it! That's the closest I can get to him since we haven't met yer, and after taking a hell of care for it for a longest time that I cared for something in my entire life, including BSB stuffs, it would end up with NO ID ADDRESS MARK FOUND ON THE DISK Chuva! Bummer! Kainis! Anyway, I will start making the website I'm dedicating to Cogie after this semester. maybe by that time, I will have known enough to make it look like something professional. We all have something that we care so much about and he's one of those things that I care for sooooo much. My words are so FANATIC but they are actually of love. I'm wishing the same thing all over again, I wish he knew I existed. How I used to stay up just to catch up to his tv guestings, how I would tirelessly watch his movie whenever they air it on tv, how I stole his pictures from the library magazine when I was in highschool. Awww.. I know that stealing is bad but that's the only way I can have him, and talk to him, and touch him, even if it were only pictures. Obsessed? No way, this is my way of loving. And he's a star, and how do you actually reach for a star? Use a telescope to see him closer, get a constellation map to see where he exactly is, and board a spaceship and fly into the heavens to be where he is. It may take lightyears but it'll be worth the wait. Get what I'm saying? Haay, life!

I gotta go now. Gotta take a bath, and sleep after. I don't wanna wake up and spend all day with runny nose again. That just darn sucks, when you have to wipe mucus every now and then while feeling that tickly sensation that crawls into down and out of your nostrils. Wehehe! Nyt, everyone!

Breaking Free

2006-07-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

I've seen Cogie on tv again, a small portion in S-Files. There allegedly is this impostor who's using his name and giving out his number to rich gays selling himself. My.. What kind of human would do that? But anyway I know he's fine, specially now that he's looking good. Hella good! This could be a sign that he's finally coming back... Thank heavens! Can't wait!

High School Musical totally RAWKS! Just seen it for the second time tonight. And I can't get enough. I'll be watching the Sing-Along Special on the 23rd. I also joined the contest, maybe my birthday will give me luck on snugging that prize. Man! I will pray hard for that, just like that on the 'Pirates' movie contest. Weee!

I got my first present from my dad when he came tonight. He gave me a Daffy Duck cap. Weee! Keep the gifts coming, you people! *wink*wink* As if anybody else would care to give anything this year. Well, I don't really mind. Not only that I'm used to not getting anything on special occasions, I don't really care if I get anything. As long as I'm happy, because there are things that make me happy. Oh, well...

Somebody just killed my hope on someone, oh, BUMMER!

Next post na lang, it's getting late and I still have to get my Image Mapping done. Toodlez!

Ehem

2006-07-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

My bad! It wasn't the Sexbomb girl Myka. It was Lovi Poe who Cogie escorted last night. Bummer still. Sounds like an addition to my hate list. Ahaha!

Blessed

2006-06-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

Tonight is so blessed. After waiting for a few months, I finally got a glimpse of Cogie. Well, not really in person but atleast I saw him. He's in this awards night tonight at the Westin Philippine Plaza and he escorted this Sexbomb girl. Buti na lang I watched 24 Oras or else I would not have seen him. Just like when I first saw him, he's gorgeous as ever and healthier now, hehe.. I really wanna meet him, and be his friend. Maybe I should do something like that Brian guy who did all he can to get this date with Drew Barrymore. More lessons to go in my Internet/Web Application Development and I'm off to really doing that. If he only knew I existed. I wish he gets to read this or someone who knows him... *sigh* After all these years, I'm still loving him. Until that day happens, I will have to sit on one corner and dream of him.

Hi, Cogie! If you only knew how much I love and admire you. I even wrote a poem for you and sketched your pretty face. The drawing isn't really done yet because I feel like something is missing, you. Maybe when I finally get to meet you, it will be completed. So will be my happiness. I may sound absurdly obsessed, and chances are that you may freak out when you read this thinking I'm some stalker but actually I'm harmless. I've been a loving fan ever since I was highschool and the dreams of actually being your friend has been my inspiration for doing things. I wish you can personally read this. I have so much more to say to you but I guess I'll save it until the day we actually meet. Goodluck and God bless. I love you very much, LEiGS.

Hopes up

2006-06-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

I've just seen this documentary film My Date with Drew. Made me think, what if I do the same thing? Maybe I'll get my chance on meeting Cogie and even being friends with him. It's all about the "6-Degree Connection". I actually got 5 but I'm not so good with connecting the dots. I know the heavens are with me on this I just have to make my move. But how?

I"M CLUELESS!

My I/WAD subject, and all the the typing/encoding that has to be done is boring me but atleast I'm getting something. I just don't like typing long paragraphs but the whole idea that we're being taught to make professional website is simply fantastic. I wouldn't have to bother the "masters" that much. I won't have to drool on the idea of making a site for my dearest Cogie. And most of all, I will know how to make my own blog layout. This is totally FAB! What isn't is that Physics Lecture. I don't mind defending different systems allover again at every computer subject I have but putting my unmatched mathematical skills to test will be too much. Just when being geographically-challenge is bad enough, things could get worst. How can you ever make your weakness in Math a strength? What the HECK!? My focus is a wreck! Numbers, Xs and Ys... They're giving me headaches, and feels like anytime soon I'll be in a hospital for stroke. One word: POTEK!

I'll be back next post for more, for now it's BATH TIME!

Countdown

2006-06-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

I'm a week away from my birthday. I'm turning 20 and what's up with that? I'm not a teenager anymore, it's about time to see the world outside my side of the world. I already have my blueprint of the outside world exploration but making haste turns to waste so I'd have to take it a day at a time. The world is waiting for me, I know and as a matter of fact, opportunities are presenting themselves to me, seducing me, "I'm all yours for the taking, get me!". Like this acting stint that I can try on to but I'm not really sure I can act and pretty enough for the camera. I do have a thing for showbiz but I'm much too shy and inconfident and... uh, nevermind! I'm still having tough time to decide if I'll give it a shot 'cause, like I said, I'm not ready for something this big and my cousins wants it too, and I'll go if she goes 'cause I can't go alone because I don't know how to [fact: for the Nth time, I'm geographically challenge, and I'm not much of a traveler, hehehe...] and I need support atleast if they're there I will get courage from trying to show off to them. That's be so cool, wouldn't it?

There's new addition to my wide array of crushes in my crushlist. I never thought I'd say this but, though I always fancied Batman, I love Superman. I was too young to have fallen for Christopher Reeve when he wore those legendary blue tights but he lives in Brandon Routh. Awww! Man, his girlfriend must be feeling soooooooooo[woooh!] lucky like, "Look at me! I beat you Lois Lane, Superman, the real thaaang is with me". *Drooling* From handsomeness, let's go to the cuteness that is Zac Efron. He so resembles Leonard Whiting in his Romeo and Juliet days [circa 1968, hehe.]. It's dreamlike to see such beautiful creature actually exists. Actually I already did a research and found out he'll be 19 this October 18. Hmmm.. Just a year older? I don't really mind. Come to me, my Zachary!

I am so blessed to have seen BSB in concert and complete, all 5 of them. That may be the first last time I will ever see them together. Kevin has left. The heavens gave me my childhood wish to see them and I think I would have to be thankful for that. I'm not sure if Kevin's the only one leaving 'cause they're breaking up one piece at a time. It's not right to think this way but I love these guys, I've loved them all my life, they are a part of me but I'm terribly sad about what's happened. I'ts breaking my heart. Well, this is just a phase, a part in one's life where you have to let go of something you loved all your life and move on. I wish you well, Kev.

How but something cheerful to lift my spirit? Ahaha! I never run out of those. A few minutes ago I signed up to Disney Channel's Pirates of the Caribbean contest. It's almost my birthday and I'm hoping that will give me luck to snug those precious figurines and other movie souvenirs. I will definitely see that movie when it's out. Hehe... Captain Jack is back! I love it!

Ikaw, bakit ka Kapuso? Dahil kay Cogie, at nasaan si Cogie? Sana lang alam ko. Hay, buhay!

High School Musical rocks! And I'm seeing it again next Sunday for the Encore! Encore, Encore! Bravo! Something cool is coming up, July 15. It's spelled as K-U-Z-C-O! I love that Aztec boy and I'm going to see it, only on the incredible Disney Channel. Haha, I know I'd make a good endorser!

I was pysched to find out that my blog has visitors from as far as India, US and South America. Thanks to ClustrMap, I don't feel so bummer anymore. Thank you visiting though you don't really leave traces that make feel special. Thank you, 5 claps for you, 3 stomps and 1 big Hooray! AHLAVYUAL!

It gets you

2006-06-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

I do have a penchant for Korean actors but right now I'm starting to dig Japanese. It's nutty but I have developed this strange liking for Jun Matsumoto of Gokusen and the lips of Dennis Trillo, who isn't Japanese. Why is it only on the last month that I started watching Gokusen when I could have seen it when it was first aired in 2005. My lost! In its last week, I will have to wait till they show it again just like the other good shows that has made good followings and popularly demanded. He reminds me of Vic Zhou as Hua Zi Lei in Meteor Garden, and Kaede Rukawa in Slamdunk [but I love Mitsui better.]. He's so much like the real me in real life. I love! Awwwee! hey, but Cogie's still my number one!

I would love to kiss those lips! Mwuah!

I've been missing out on Love of the Condor Heroes ever since Jewel in the Palace. I would usually stay up late till eleven but now I only last until Majika's done. I think sleeping early is a good idea. I can stay up all afternoon now and sleep long enough at night. And what's up with that? Wala lang.

Aryty! Rex is back! He's enrolled and I hope he gets serious with school this time. Enough said.

Can you feel the end? Volcano after volcano, earthquake after earthquakes. Last eyar's fad was flashfloods, and hurricanes. What's next? Ahaha! The end has come and it will all be over, including us. Farewell, brethren!

I've already finished saving all 102 screen captures of Matsumoto from Gokusen that I found at Future Blues. Oui! I love!

On and on

2006-06-15T13:42:00.000+08:00

But we all need to move on. We can't carry everything with us. It would be too burdensome to be carrying all the stuff we have especially those of no use to us anymore; or those that might cause harm to us. If life is a journey, we have to travel light....

I read these gentle words from a friend's blog. It made me think, I must be carrying so much from the past that makes it hard for me to move on. I still carry my grudges, the pains, angst... As much as I've wanted to believe that letting them go would make my life a bit easier but they've been a art of my emotional strain ever since the people who caused them gave them to me. That is where I get my emotion, without it I am existent but emotionless, a body with a mind but no heart. I bring my memories wherever I go, whether they are bad or good. They either turn me to stone or to a live human, should I chose now what to leave behind?

Physics lecture class is not getting any fun. I came to class on the second day and mathematical equations welcomed me. Do I deserve to relive such nightmare? What have I done that I am being punished for? Waaah! Anyway, I will finally learn how to make a professional website. I have a subject on Internet/ Web Application Development. The only problem now is having Sir JC Ribo as professor. I can pass if I focus but remembering what I had to go through just to fail JAVA Programming, having him in front of the class is pretty distracting. I just pray that I could survive, help me, God.

My reason: No matter how much you love something, when it doesn't give out the best in you anymore and it doesn't make you happy anymore like it used to, it's just not worth going through anymore. I guess I'll have to find myself another one, band that is. Paalam, Ewige Sorge.

I'm still desperate, wondering where Cogie is. You have no idea how much longing I'm feeling right now. Nasa'n ka na? Lumilipad na si Captain Barbell suot ang mukha ni Richard Gutierrez at kung 'di dahil kay Annabelle, si Cogie sana ang lumilipad ngayon suot ang costume ni Captain Barbell. Wala pa rin balita tungkol kay Cogie kahit sa'n, galing kahit kanino. Kung alam nya lang na may isang nilalang na di nya kilalang naghihintay sa pagbabalik nya. Inaasam na makilala sya at makita sya kahit sa telebisyon lang. Sana may paraan para matupad ang pangarap kong ito. Pag natuto na ko ng paggawa ng website, igagawa ko sya ng site at lalakarin ko para maging official yun para sa pagbalik nya malaman nya kung gaano ko sya kamahal. Di po ako obsessed. Ganito lang ako magmahal. Kung alam nya lang *sigh*.

I had a weird dream some time last week. Imagine a Backstreet Boys concert in a grandstand, packed food teeming with cobwebs and spiders, Kong, Jerome and the gang, A giant crocodile bridge, and me running everywhere. It just doesn't make sense.

Hanggang hindi pa tayo nagkikita, mangangarap muna ako...

Plain

2006-06-14T19:34:00.000+08:00

I saw Andrew this morning, or he saw me. He changed a lot. I didn't recognize him at first and I was staring at him blankly. He said, "you look the same". It sounded alien to me, not sure why. He's bigger than I expected he would be. It's just nice, I finally get to see him.

Nothing much happened today. Didn't save anything from today's allowance. Oh, well.. There's always tomorrow. Still adjusting my sleep. Okay, I gotta go. Buh-bye!

Dito, Wala Sa Piling Mo

2006-06-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

Pansamantala, ito muna ang gagamitin kong layout. Wala akong pagpipilian dahil di pa naman ako marunong gumawa ng sarili kong layout at sawa na ko sa "frames". Tiis-tiis. Peace!

Unang araw pa lang ng klase ay nahuli na ako. Di ka kasalanan. Kahit naman umalis ako apatnapu't limang minuto bago ang oras ay di ako nahuhuli pero kanina ay masyadong mabagal ang daloy ng trapiko lalo na palabas ng baranggay. Kainis! Lumihis pa sa tamaang babaan ang tricycle dahil sa matandang babaeng kasakay ko kanina. Lalo tuloy natagalan. Pasaway na matanda yan!

Nakabalik na si Andrew pero di pa kami nagkikita. Ayon sa testimonya ng mga saksi, mas malusog na sya ngayon kaysa nung huli kaming nagkita nung isang taon. Mabuti naman; Nagpapatunay lang iyon na nakabuti ang paglayo nya at sa panahong nawala sya ay nalimutan nya o kung di man ay naibsan kahit paano ang mga bagay na bumagabag sa kanya noon na naging sanhi ng mga nangyari... Ah, basta! Masaya ako na maayos na sya ngayon. Kakamustahin ko na lang sya pag nagkita kami. maligayang pagbabalik, pare! Ano'ng bago? Sinira ni Vince ang sampayan sa loob ng bakuran nila at nilagay sa ngipin nya. Si Jobert nangayaw na rin sa ComSci at kaklase ko na sya ngayon. Kambal ang cellphone ni Amor, identical twins! Malaki ang nabawas sa timbang ni Renan dahil sa... Hehe! Ano nga ba ang sikreto nya? At ibinida nya ngayong araw na nakita nila si Angel Locsin sa Greenbelt. Nag-aaya sa SM Mall of Asia kaya lang wala pa akong pera. Ahihi! Ang kyut ng cellphone ni Val, maliit! Ariba pa rin sa pagdo-DotA sila Chrysler, ano'ng bago dun? Nagulat ako ng nalaman kong Domingo pala ang apelyido ng kaklase kong si April. Sya na kaya ang hinahanap kong "missing link" na maglalapit sa 'kin sa pinakamamahal kong si Cogie. Ewan. Dahan-dahan akong mag-iimbestiga, malay ko, malay mo, at malay nating lahat, kung meron silang kaugnayan sa isa't isa. Haha!

Naninibago ako nang pumasok ako kaninang umaga. Walang namang nagbago sa La Salle pero parang di na 'yon ang pamantasang nakilala ko. Marahil dahil ito sa nagbabadyang kalungkutan dahil alam kong huling taon na ito ng pagsasama-sama namin ng mga kaibigan ko sa dati kong kurso. Marami akong mga mukhang nakita pero di ko sila kilala. Ngayon pa lamang, kahit andyan pa sila, nararamdaman ko na ang pangungulila. Pagkatapos ng taong ito, isang taon pa akong maiiwan sa paaralang ito pero di na magiging tulad ng mga taong nakagisnan ko ang taong iyon. Mawawala na ang mga mukhang madalas kong pagsawaan, kainisan, pintas-pintasan, at pagkatuwaan. Aalingawngaw ang kawalang kwenta ng mga usapan para lamang malamang isa na lang 'yong alaala sa 'king isipan. Mananariwa ang mga karaniwang nagaganap sa isang partikular na lugar at bibigyan ka dahilang ngumita kahit na-iisa na para bang nahihibang. Magtataka kung kailan kaya kami babagtas sa daang ito ng magkakasama? Aww..

Bukas na ko magpapaka-Emo gabi na. Hehehe...

unendlich

2006-06-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm still trying to figure out how to find Red Sunday. Unless I actually do something, go places, I won't find anything. This ingrateful show business seem to have forgotten him. I seek my destiny among the stars, but the heavens are just too high for me to reach. My longing is infinite. How do you walk the road to an unreached dream? How do I answer to the call of the heart that is blind and does not see the way? Hay, LABO!

Hinahanap ko sya pero di ako naghahanap. Gusto ko syang makita pero di ko magamit ng sabay ang mga mata at mga paa ko sa paghahanap. Naniniwala pa rin akong dapat kaming magkita. Ewan ko ba!

Gusto ko mag-post pero wala akong maisip. Meron akong naiisip pero di buo ang mga thoughts, as usual. EWAN! EWAN!

EWAN! ANG LABO KO TALAGA!

from the heart

2006-06-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

"If you live to be 100,
I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day,
so I never have to live without you."
- Winnie The Pooh

iskul

2006-06-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

Today is June 6, 2006. 666. They fear the day, but I wonder what will happen today?

A BSBFCP member will be interviewing Brian Littrell on the phone later today. Kainggit!

A pervert almost ruined my night tonight. Some vile creature sent me a perverted picture message with some text. I already had my REVENGE and even tried to call him but he turned his phoen off, he must have chickened out. That idiot! It's so infuriating that I went to chatrooms and gave his cellphone number away, I threatened him using my mom's cellphone, I posted a hate page on my Geocities account, and I am going to report the incident to Smart. I'm not going without a fight or atleast get that demon banned and his SIM card disabled. No one messes with me unless I want them messed. I've never been this agree in, like, a year. POTAH TALAGA!

I just knew it. Passing in Statistics is as easy as counting 1 to 1000 in Spanish. Haha.. I was five or six when I learned to count 1 to 10 in Espanol, and took me a year to count 11 to 20 and... How do you say 1000 in Spanish anyway? Ah, who cares! I didn't really need it to pass, I just did. I got the highest grade in the history of my Mathematics, as of my highschool and college Math. I got a 2.50 which equivalent to 80-82%. Alright, you may think it's not that big but it's so much of an achievement for me, and even a reason to celebrate. It's the easiest math subject I ever took, and honestly, the only one I ever enjoyed.

This is Jewel in the Palace's last week on-air. Paalam, Dae Jang Geum.

Okay, no stupid, new bag for me this school year. I guess I'll be throwing nothing for my birthday too. Maybe they'll give me money so I can buy my self something. I wanted my cousins to meet my friends but circumstances force me to bore out and get dull. I can't believe all these are happening simultaneously. I just don't. The only compensation I had was when I bought a Faber-Castell 0.5 Mechanical Pencil, I saw Kong playing by the guitar sales where he works, and having tasted that KFC Chicken Barbecue, which is, by the way, so good. As a matter of fact, last Friday I had it for breakfast and lunch and Chicken Adobo for Dinner. And oh, chicken all day makes your stomach go Bok-borok-bok! Ahaha! I got everything ready for Monday, when school starts except for the books I'm going to borrow since I'm not sure which ones yet. This early, I'm already planning my next Semestral break, Christmas vacation, and Summer vacation and this time I'm making sure that my plans are going to happen and that is BY ALL GOOD MEANS POSSIBLE, though I did something bad today. It's about someone I know.

Eto na naman ako, longing for my dear Cogie na sa pangarap lang mahahagkan. Asan ka na irog ko?

Ilang tulog na lang, iskul na naman! Yehey!

doom

2006-06-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

School days are approaching once again but things are getting boring as the days go. It can be chaotic when the cousins come together, but there was never a dull moment even if we all have no money. We survive and find ways to have fun. I miss the fun but when I was with them, I miss my quiet too. You can never really have two very different things at the same time.

The efforts of looking for Cogie through the internet seems futile, I just can't find anything useful. Working through my connections is a problem too. I'm not that thick-skinned and I hardly know my prospective "connectors". It's either I haven't met them yet in person or I only met them once and they've probably forgotten me or they've met me more than once but doesn't actually know me because we're only connected through a common friend. I have some other plans but some other things will have to be done first before they can even be executed. How long do I have to wait?

Haven't had enough and proper sleep ever since my summer vacation started. Nothing's so unusual about that, really, since school is almost back, I need to make my eyes PANTAY, 'cause they aren't due to excessive PUYAT. Hahaha... Asar!

I have another year to change myself, not sure how on earth I'm going to do it but somehow I have to find a way. The makeover I've been planning should happen now or... Basta! I'm running out of things to say. I'm so DOOMED!

Here I go again with my eagerness, my flare, my dreams and plans only to be extinguished at the end of the year. I need the power...

Talaga naman!!

five days

2006-06-03T02:32:00.000+08:00

You are now reading Five Days: The Lucena Chronicles. Haha...

May 27, 2006

We've waited so long for this vacation. My cousins' been in our house for almost a month and I've been rotting long enough. I needed to leave badly. Atlast the day has come. I, Mae, and Katrin decided to stay up all night and get fixed to pass the time. We did our manicures and make-up, we packed our bags, and ate breakfast even before the sun rose.

May 28, 2006

My other cousin caused us so much delay. We should have left days earlier but I can't really blame her for having a family like hers. They are so dependent and parasitic; they got married, had children without having prepared for it. They expect their kids to make the living for them and even their relatives. Asar! Anyway... we left home early so we can get an early ride but early as it is, a series of not-so fortunate events came upon us. First, the trike we took didn't give us our change, second the van we're expecting to take us straight to Lucena isn't there anymore, then when we took the bus, it broke down somewhere in Batanggas that forced us to transfer to another bus and have to stand for the whole of the trip till we get to Lucena. But then again, we survived. I was standing there carrying my weight with my arms and feet for more than an hour but we did it. We came to Lucena, alive. Hahaha! I went to play DotA wth my brothers and two other cousins. An hor and a half later, my company ate lunch while I decided to take my usual afternoon nap. We were supposed to go to SM Lucena by 2pm to watch SOP Gigsters but I woke up late and to find out that everbody else, except for Honey, slept the whole afternoon. I waited for Kat and Mae to wake up and get fixed then off we went to SM to stroll. We went here and about, sang to the top of our lungs at the videoke launge. We passed by the Etertainment center and saw that Paolo Bediones, Richard Gutierrez and other Kapuso stars are just outside doing S-Files so went out to the parking lot only to find JC De Vera, Sunshine Dizon,Gale valencia and Tess Bomb. We went back inside to print some pictures and grab KFC. We thought of hanging out for a while at Mae's house but due to his father's insolence, that almost ruined the night, she just grabbed the things she needed and then we left as soon as she's done. After dinner everyone decided to go to a carnival and it was RAD! Especially that Gravitron that used the concept of centrifugal force. The rides were all adrenal and left me with a natural high but the last one we had before we went home was lame as ever. A ferris wheel that went really slow, wrenched my stomach, had me dizzy that I wanted to puke. Heck! I regret riding that one even if I forced my brother to treat us to some free tickets because he won the color game he went to. I wanted to stroll some more but my head was laready spinning, I got myself a hot soup, a hotdog, and a cold drink and flew home together with Kat and Mae earlier than the others.

May 29, 2006

We thought the festivities are over but I was told it wasn't yet so went to the "bayan" [city proper, just so you know.], and strolled in the middle of the night. We wore house clothes and flipflops, and went with the crowd that were mostly in their japorms. We had some food tripping, or atleast I have. I ate crab nuggets, siomai and before heading home, everyone helped themselved with a bag of popcorn each.

May 30 & 31

I don't remember exactly what happened during these days. We would grab fishballs and other junkies from a vendor that passes by the subdivision every afternoon. We, Sweeth Joy & I, sneak out to get something to eat. I went out alone at night to meet up with a special friend [Haha... usual teen stuff. Hey, that'd be the last time I'll be doing that because I would have to grow up someday, and outgrow some of the things I used to love to do and it may mean quitting on meeting up with him and even our friendship. It's harsh, but things has to happen... Nevermind!]. We venture out in vain to search for inihaw [grilled street food] but to no avail. At the night of the 31st, I went by my highschool bestfriend's house for a short chatter. We haven't seen each other in almost a year but things never really change; We still have a lot to tell each other, we would talk about different things about the same people. I believe she's really happy now. Awww... I really love that girl. I with my cousins Warren and Sweeth would roam the subdivision using my uncle's motorcycle, which is by the way the fad in Lucena today, you're not IN without it. I got Dominique's number and he would flood me with the same message which is really cute and annoying. Haayz...

June 1, 2006

I stole some bath salt from my aunt and scrubbed myself to death, taking away all the libag I can take. Haha... I, with my usual sleeplessness, slept only for a few hours and woke up at 3am, never gettign back to sleep. I kept thinking of when I'll be back this road again. I realized how bored I was living inside my head, inside the confines of my little world I call my room. Yeah, being alone can be cool but too much of it makes me a darn bore. The letting go thingy that I've been screwing my head off with for days isn't really necessarily, as I realized it. I can't move on with things if I can let go but I can not really let go of things and people that I used to love and I don't have to punish myself for not doing so because I don't really have to. I need some things to look back on to and visit once in a while. I slip-up on them when I have my mind on other things but I do not actually forget them. All I have to let go, all this time, is my fear of the uncertainties of everything because nothing is really certain. Haha... Whatever!

I'm back home now. I forgot to text the people I was supposed to text. SOme of my plans didn't work but there's always another summer to get it done with. The people who've seen me for the first time after a long while seem to have noticed the obvious, that I gained lots of weight, soem would not even recognize me and offended as I am, I would just joke about having nothing to eat anymore, that I would just beg from our neighbors for food when the reality is that it kills me to make fun of myself. I'm not sure of the exact chronology of the things I wrote and I'm sure I haven't written everything. I sure missed a lot of my routines when I left but I definitely made a lot of memories to last me until next summer. It isn't quite big for a summer adventure but I enjoyed this year's.

I'm not sure how to end this post but maybe I could share with you what I recieved after having this kind of vacation this summer, LOTS OF SMILEs :-)

back to reality

2006-06-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

I just got back from Lucena this afternoon and I have a lot to tell but I just don't feel like writing today. Just so you know I'm already back, I wrote this.

to be continued...

on leave

2006-05-29T20:08:00.000+08:00

I came last Sunday and just currently wreaking havoc in my extended fam's crib. I'll be bloggin' when I get back. See you all in a few days...

boredom gets you

2006-05-25T18:05:00.000+08:00

I badly need a vacation, I'm sore, sick, rotten staying in this house. I need to stay away for a while. Luckily, we're leaving this Saturday. I have no money for vacation but I'm still going. Actually, I used to have some money but being bored silly and taste fatigued, I kinda spent the money I saved during summer classes on fastfood. You can't blame me for having oral fixation. My case is not the talkative, blabbering kind just the gotta-chew-as often-as-possible. Oh, well...

My feet has badly needs something too. Foot spa! It's been years since I had my first ever foot spa care of my cousin, and now... My sole is so thick, it literally SUMASABITs. Like one time, I had to stand on a rough surface, my skin peeled off. Baloney!

Trouble stirring just around the corner, I can feel it. Hahaha... This is gonna be fun.

Can't wait to go back to school!

why now?

2006-05-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

At naintriga si Boris, sino daw ang dream boy ko? Hehehe...

It may be a bourgeois idealism, but without money I am immobile. I can't blame myself for being born a middle class citizen but I definitely won't let myself die a middle class. I plan to live a higher level of life. It may take some time, even years, but I'll be working on it. I'm too ambitious, self-righteous, self-efficient and plain selfish to stay where I am. And I do get tired of things easily and I crave for constant change, badly. Love moves in mysterious way? Yeah right, but so does money. In short, wala akong pera. Heck! This reminds me of the days before I had the money to buy my BSB concert tickets. The need isn't actually that bad but I'm just a bit stressing about how I can't have the things I want when I want it or as soon as I can. Heck talaga!

Perhaps they think I'm being autistic but I just don't wanna grow up and grow old. I'm nto intellectually impaired, just so attached with my inner child and makes me feel so left out. My cousins for example, even the younger ones are busy about grown up things. This child needs children for playmates and not young fashion zombies obsessed with meeting people, getting a lovelife. Seems like, the things they care for do not bother me a wee bit. Must be that our real life situations are very different but why the drift?

I won't be getting earrings this time of the year but I'd still be pushing through with the henna tattooing. If I get to Lucena on time, I'll be having it with Boris. I'm not really sure when the fiesta is and some issues will cause some probable delay that I do not actually need because I'm in it for vacation and I don't think I can use any of it. The one of my reasons I want to go there is to see someone I won't be seeing for a long time or maybe ever again. I just wanna say goodbye, though we'd still be texting but I don't think, with the way my life is going, that I'll be going that road anytime soon after today. Bahala na!

I did this survey from BlogThings.com out of boredom and I think the results are kind of cool.

Your Linguistic Profile::

50% General American English

30% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

BJ and Tyler won Amazing Race 9. Romy Garduce and the 1st Philippine Everest Team made it to the summit and is going down now. I wanted to join DLSU-D's Mountaineering Society when I was still a freshman, and even now but I don't have equipments and I'm too lazy, but it's on my to-do list that I want to accomplish before I die. Jewel in the Palace is in its last 3 weeks. No movies for me, for now. The movies I'll be missing will be added to my collection when they get released on video and I go o shop for VCD but that won't be anytime soon, and I know that. Shark tale premieres in HBO this May 28 but I'm afraid I won't be seeing it 'cause I expect to already be in Lucena by that time. I'm building this theory that some of the people I know, whose names will not be mentioned in this post due to insignificance, are simply LIARS. Hahaha... It's not confirmed yet but through patient observation and constant paranoia, I therefore conclude that they are. Hahaha, again.

@Boris : Di ko yun dream boy. Nagpapaka-obsessed lang ako sa cuteness nya kasi ang tagal naming di nakita. Bassist namin yun dati. Nga pala, see you sa fiesta! Kelan ba makukuha ang yearbook? Yung Philippine Idol eh franchise ng American Idol na isa sa magagandang paraan para ilagay ang sarili sa kahihiyan. Sana walang makakilala sa 'kin pag punta ko ng SM, pero enjoy, susubok pa ko ulit hanggang di pa ako 28! Hehehe...
@Renan : Bakit mo naman naisipang lumipat sa I.ph, anong meron?

I can't believe I'll be wearing plus size from now on. It isn't actually that big 'cause it's Filipino size and the standard is only that of CD Jeans but 2XL is still plus size. And because I have to get a new pair of uniform to fit me for this school year and the budget's a bit short, I won't be buying a new bag. I'm blaming the same people for all these. They are so far away but their problem is affecting my way of living. They do not understand that I live for backpacks, I love 'em, I gotta have 'em and I'm so looking forward to buying a knapsack. I hate how money and my relatives have to ruin my plans, my obsession, my happiness. This feels exactly just like last Christmas. I'm not asking for too much, just a good house for my school supplies that feels like one obedient monkey hanging on my back. I sound pathetic but this means so much to me and nobody cares. Ha-ha from me, for me... *sigh*

I can accept how things don't always go my way but it doesn't really have to happen this often and why on the simplest of things that I want. BUWISET!

miss

2006-05-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

I haven't seen him almost 2 years and now I'm obsessing. I saved all of the picture of him that I got from his Friendster and from ex-girlfriend's on my pc. What can I do, he's so dreamy, cute's and he's singkit. I have more reason now to go to SM more often which reminds me... I'll be going there to buy my stuff for this school year, too bad lang he stopped schooling na definitely because of that witch he used to love. Heck! Okay lang, tropa naman kami and I can never be more delighted by just staring at him. Ewan, but he's so lovable when I saw him yesterday, ang sarap nyang titigan. I don't intend to go beyong boundaries anyway. I learned to adopt to how the love cycle by just satisfying my eyes with eyecandies, I don't wish to really keep them for myself except for Cogie pero there's nothing wrong with dreaming on 'di ba, malay mo, malay ko, sinong may malay? Hahaha... Buti na lang talaga things didn't go as planned. I was supposed to lead my cousins in a mall pilgrimage but luckily I didn't... Long story, basta!

Bryan's coming home this August and told me to come since I was the only one who didn't come last year. Well, nobody told me but it's my fault 'cause I let someone steal my phone. I'm definitely coming. The band broke up because I got tired, I quitted and... Basta! I'm sure that was one of the reasons. No idea but I miss them more than I miss my other band. Maybe because I still see those from my other band in school but still... I prefer the music I make with ViS than ES, I think I established tighter bonds with ViS [esp. Bryan 'cause we share an almost same level of frame of mind though he can be a little twisted] than with ES though I've known them longer. I quitted ViS because got tired of having to go to Dasmarinas every weekend and even after school to practice, my time with them are the darkest days of my college life because I was failing my Math and ComProg, I was having problems with my personal life while I quitted ES because I had to do most of the work that has anything to do with requirements, I was getting tired of the band in general, I got tired of having to wait, I felt like becoming the underdog [which I didn't really feel with ViS]. Don't get me wrong 'cause I enjoy the company of all the people from both bands but they're still different. I can't help but compare 'cause I miss ViS so much. We only had one gig but they're still the best band I ever had and will ever have. This is the 2nd time I quitted ES but this time it's for real. I tend to loathe poeple when they get too close or when I see them more often than I wish to. Sorry, I'm just a female human species trying t express how I feel. Closeness can be the greatest allergen that'll ever hit me. I'm so sorry... As much as I wanted to write more of the comparisons and differences, it just woldn't be fair. I can be a little bias but I love them all! Mwah!

I feel good. Nothing in the world worries me and it had been this way ever since summer classes ended. My spirits are high. I have learned to accept facts and theories that I would usually brood on. I'm not getting any younger and it's about time to grow up. Things just aren't the way they are when I last saw them and all I can do is look on and look up and hope for the best. I don't wanna and just can't say goodbye but I'd definitely love to see everything I used to love and own somewhere down the path where I left them when I get to set foot on the same road again. I hear loudly what my heart cries out for but I know I have to fight against it. It can and surely will wait if they know they are for me. There are just so much that I want today that I will not let myself miss out on them and with that some things will have to be put aside even if they have the same value to me than those I chose to take first.

Seeing yesterday's PI Fast Track Auditions, I'd say RnB has become the standard of singing like an Idol. Darn it! I don't like RnB that much, and if I knew earlier, I would have tried a song of that same genre and could've had a better chance btu anyway it's just a short cut audition, the main audition is still on June 3 and this is only the first Philippine Idol and I can still try until I'm 28. It's more prestigious than Pinoy Pop Superstar but auditioning for PPS is more difficult, not sure if I'd want to try it again [but I still can 'cause I'm not yet 22].

Finally, I uploaded something on my Deviant Art!

ang baho ko!

2006-05-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

Today's heck of rad! It felt better than those I had before. I finally absorbed the fact that I'm not the only one making a laughingstock of myself. I forgot to record my ground-breaking performance. hahaha! I didn't make it, so i'll be trying it again somewhere else. Atleast I can SOMEHOW handle my fear now.

I ran into Kong at SM today. He's looking good as ever. He first saw me on the escalator, then I saw him at the foodcourt then I had my cousins to come back up to the second floor to see him. He works there in a stand that sells instrument. We had a little chat and I found out that he and that wicked girl whose name starts with a B aren't together anymore. He has this good aura. He keeps hanging that tag I got from the audition and talking about me to his friend which is good. I've never seen him like that when they were still togetehr or atlest no one stops him now. I used my cousin's junkfood as props. Also I got his number and I'll be texting him when he texts me, and I hope he didn't smell me because I'm afraid my deo wore off due to excessive sweating and I'm afraid a stunk silly. Heck!

Naipit ang daliri ko sa pinto, God forbid that it kills my nail. Whaaaaah! I have a friend with dead thumbnail of the same hand... Wag naman!

They are definitely showing that on tv. Oh, no... THE SHAME!!! But anyway, my friend is planning to try out to... just to trip but guess what? NAUNAHAN KITA! It's impromptu audtioning. Hahaha! I just heard it last night on the radio and went to gather the requirements.

Aras won sole Survivor! Wala lang!

Sobrang gutom ko, sobrang baho ko... Ahoyyy! At wala pa akong tulog!

rainy days

2006-05-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

It's still raining...

The Brenda psychic thingy is fake... so what?

My school is sooo telegenic. Haha... Saw it on tv again. That's why I saw that ABS-CBN OB Van infront of the ERH building last week. Like my friend said, it's Anne Curtis and Zanjoe Marudo [stars that ought to be called mga bituing walang ningning, can't really blame them if their stars don't really shine and I just don't like Anne Curtis!]. Man, they love my school but they don't like my schoolmates. For what reason? I don't really know.

I haven't written anything for quite a while, that's because tere isn't much that's happening in my life since summer classes closed. I tried to paint last night but didn't have enough inspiration. There is an output but still lacks sense. Wait, does art need to have sense? Not sure. It just so... inexplicit... vague... plain... lame. Aw!

I'm missing BSBFCP's 2nd Fancon for the same reason as the last one's... I don't know how to go there. But I will join them someday. Someday...

I still haven't left for Lucena and I'm not so psyched about it. Yeah, I'm sick of home and I want to get away but there just isn't so much to look forward to getting there, except maybe for the yearbook that should've already been done with for three years now. I hope I can already get it when I go there. I'm definitely writing about my visit to Lucena and I hope things will be good 'cause my instinct and the things I've been hearing is telling me something... different than what I expect things to be.

Heidi from HF texted me and told me my work was chosen to be in this year's issue of Palad but I'm just not sure which one because don't remember passing anything for Heraldo Filipino. I did make a poem for USC's contest, a poem for HF's writing workshop and a painting for the HF's art workshop. Which one is it? AW! I'll know when I see it. Heck! The suspense is killing me!

It's raining but rain or shine the mosquito feeding frenzy on me doesn't change. I wish I can get rid of those pesky mosquitoes. I hate 'em all but without them, there will be no balance. They kill the weak and they help in preventing overpopulation. Let's just hope I won't be one of the casualties.

Things change and might as well be prepared for... Whatever! I keep on thinking about things but things just won't think of me...

I'm just plain paranoid.

walking in the rain

2006-05-12T15:16:00.000+08:00

Last night is like the first time in two months that it rained. I usually woke up in sweat but last night was good. I love the rain. It brings so much memories, mostly or all are happy, if I remember it right. Not that I want to live those days again, it just feels good to look back. I love walking in the rain, coming home from school dripping wet because I don't like bringing an umbrella, running around with friends... Awww! The days... In a few weeks, I'll be needing my blanket once again which will take until the -ber days are over and then BIRTHDAY KO NA ULIT!

Is it just me or time is running fast?

school's out

2006-05-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

Just when I'm feeling the "blog rush", electricity zaps out. I would understand if it has taken a few hours but it only took a few seconds and it's back. I had a nice intro about school, SCHOOL'S OFFICIALLY OUT! Ahh.. Nevermind!

Flab is fab... NOT! But really, I learned to accept how I look and feel good about it. I know how to get rid of it but until I earn my own money to support my ventures of vanity, it'll have to wait.

Kamusta na kaya ang highschool yearbook namin? Sana makuha na this May kasi three years na dapat tapos yun. I'm so not guilty of not having helped doing it kasi they should've asked even before the graduation eh di sana it would never have taken that long. Ang dami kasi talagang "magagaling" na... Ewan! Basta!

I had the weirdest dream, not sure if it was last night or the other night, about me being with Dennis Trillo. Heck! I was sitting beside him in a bus for a field trip, then we were talking, then I had my camera phone and we took a picture of us together and somebody else appeared on the picture. There were 2 celebrities inside the bus with us and some models. Next, we were in an auditorium and I was talking to someone and... I forgot what happened next and then I woke up. Weird! I don't remember fantasizing on Dennis Trillo, plus, his chest is hairy! EW! My dreams these past few weeks are really weird because [like I've said in my other posts] they don't make clear sense and they involve the most unexpected people, and they happen at any time of the day. I dream when I take my afternoon nap and my night's sleep or whenever I'm alseep. Weird, weird!

I'm finally taking a vacation in less than two weeks but I have to get the enrolment thingy done. Vacation, finally! Not that I suddenly acquired the love for travelling but these are the days that you just get sick of home and want to go somewhere else. Rotting days are over...

Gerald Santos won PPS! Mabuhay! Though I'd still go for Harry. New kid in the Big Brother House, Brenda. She's psychic and I love her! I love people with strange queerness! I wish I have that kind of powers too...

Okay na ulit kami ng friend ko! Nagparamdam na sya finally! Ahaha! Siguro I'm just overreacting and over manifesting paranoia. Pasensya na, tao lang.

I've been thinking and I tried to think of the last time I really thought of anything that made real sense. When was the last time I wrote something educational, inspirational and I realized that's been a while but actually, I don't care. I just wanna say that. Hahaha! I think using my skills in blogging is good enough and I won't need those skills until I'm actually working or I need it to compete so.. why bother? Hahaha!

Levy time! I am finally getting all the Levy time [read: time for myself] that I need to indulge with my first love, the arts. I love my works! I'm posting them in my Deviant Art page as soon as I have them scanned which will have to wait till June 'cause my priority right now is my vacation. Hahaha! I will be continuing the BCS 31 The Animation that I started last summer. I won't be letting those creatures without any bit of pakisama stop me now. They'll all be slack-jawed, speechless when I'm done. Grrr! I'm painting my pastels on the walls of my room again. Hahaha! I love it! I love it!

I hate poseurs! It's such a shame that they're my cousins. No, I don't hate them I just don't like being close to people with so much pretense. Yeah, it's a girl thing to be vain but you don't have to be babbling about how the guys dig you when it's hardly believable since I've known you since we were kids and lived in in your house for a few years. Oh, come on! One of them, she thinks she's so pretty when in reality, she looks like a gay-sha [geisha, hahaha!] She's over-MAXIPEELED! Imagine this: she's morena from the neck down to her toes and her face is icky white ~so thin like no more skin can be shed from her face to create house dust and her zits and zitmarks are dark because of that. SHe's planning to take glutathione to "tone equally" but seems impossible since I don't think glutathione can affect her genetics and she's been dissing on my other cousin which is only natural because she's been doing that ever since she can speak. And she's, or they've, been using Dawn's beach picture. Heck! I like Dawn not only because she's Red Sunday's friend but because she's really nice, and I don't think anybody will like somebody else using their pictures. She's even trying to be a make up expert and make fun of my other cousin's make-up. Heck with that! We used to be close but she's been corrupted and I condemn not her but her corruptedness and her corruptors. Evil creatures! She/They need serious reality check, personality development [I need this one too], and... BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES, ACCEPT THEIR FLAWS AND LIVE WITH IT!

I got so much more to say but I have to sleep now...

Zzzzz...

news flash

2006-05-08T10:58:00.000+08:00

Nagshu-shooting na naman ang ABS-CBN sa DLSU-D. There were rumors that they've banned students from our school to work any kind of work in their network, but they keep coming back. I think it's the third time that they came back to shoot their can-be-ASSUMED topraters. I'm not sure yet who the stars are since I've only seen the OB Vans but I'm peeping tomorrow to check it out. I hope it's not Bea and John Lloyd again and I hope the rumors aren't true because... Ewan. I just hope it isn't.

no worries

2006-05-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

I feel better now. finally, he texted. All's good... for now. Thinsg can't stay forever like this. Change is inevitable but until things actually change, there's nothing much to be worried about.

My friend told me not to watch PBB 'cause they're just exploiting the kids but I believe the kids are exploiting them too. They need the exposure and the money that's why they're there. So all's fair.

I wanna shout out loud: MALAPIT NANG MAGBAKASYON! YEEEEEHAAAAAH! If everbody in my Stat class will bring their Final Permit, we will already be having our Final Exams on Friday and then...

*drum rolls* SCHOOL'S OUT!

Just when I'm starting to like the Fred-Nina love story, Nina went out. Well, it's better that she was the first one to go out instead of Olyn. Finally din, Aldred started making tv appearances! I love! Jamilla looked good wearing that Krystala costume which, by the way, looks a lot better than when Juday played the role. Haha! This time, I want Clare and Joaqui out! Out you go, yo! I wanted to live chat with the former housemates but the site's server is busy, Aldred ko! A new housemates is going in tonight, and she's a SHE, hahaha... Bad news is: they rescheduled PBBTE on the same time as Love of the Condor Heroes and now I have to chaneg channel every gap so I can watch both. Hurrr!

Except for that Hypothesis Testing that I cannot get hang of, nothing much is worrying me. Life is more than just, and I love it.

Is Cogie coming back anytime soon? Not sure. I read that he's planning to go back to school, and currently busy with his modelling [thank you for that info, I love!] but I want to see him on tv 'cause it'd be wishful thinking to see him in person.

BSB won BEst Pop Act in MTV Asia Awards, Yehehey!

And the 2nd Pinoy Pop Superstar is... Bukas na lang, I'm still going to watch it.

grieve

2006-05-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

Today's horoscope is distressingly relieving. I'm such an astrological freak. The odds of having a horoscope to happen are usually coincidental but... Well, uh, it happens. Anyway, it feels good to hurt inside knowing you can feel, but hurts at the same time knowing not what happens next.

Time has a way and time is all I got.
If my heart should shatter watching you,
That'd be one last thing I have to prove

There has been a change of plans, I'm saving the hair dying for my birthday. This summer, I'm getting a henna tattoo and earrings. The makeover's gotta wait till I feel better about myself.

What about that, I passed my Stat Long Quiz this morning, 26/36. Well, I thought I failed 'cause I missed some how-tos but I still passed. Way to go for me! But still the last lesson about Hypothesis Testing is really hard. I didn't catch a thing the teacher said.

That'd be it for now.

stress level up

2006-05-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

I've been stressing and badly needing a vacation! Yahoo! In less than two weeks time, school's out and I have to face other things concerning me and someone I know so well. I can't get over this getting over thingy and it's adding up to my stress. It's gonna be tough but have to get it done, even if it means having to face it alone. Thoughts are running through my head and I can already imagine what is going to happen. Maybe I'm thinking too much but isn't thinking what the mind is made for? I should have control of things, but everything seem to be so out of hand. I'm currently torturing myself by listening to silly, sentimental love songs and so far my desperate attempts of masochism are effective. Naiiyak na 'ko! Somebody save me!!! I kept on asking for signs and here it is, a big billboard dropped down from heaven and hit me hard on the head. There's you're sign! It's my fault, I know but never known it'd come to an end like this. I'm making hypotheses and running tests on what-ifs in my head for preparation. I'm so weak in deciding who I want, and who I don't want in my life. I'm thinking so much of other people and hardly myself. This is fear at it's height; Fear of rejection, humiliation, confusion, and the list goes on. This is great, just great!

I'm planning to get someone to enlist me during the enrolment so I can extend my vacation. I wanna have atleast a week away and I'm already planning the plans on how things are going to go. Even my dramatics, haha! The thought of vacation can't seem to cheer me up. Oh, the pain... it's a lot excruciating than the heat of the scourging summer sun.

Does Jimmy Neutron rock or what? Wala lang, I just love watching teen and toon shows in Nickelodeon and Disney Channel.

Senti pa rin ako...

I pushed you away, now I want you back. *sigh*

I can't lose focus now. The last part of Statistics is harder than the past lessons we had. Ang hirap, nalilito na 'ko!

I'm considering auditioning for PBB. Haha... Funny noh? But I'm serious. Atleast I don't have to sing to join. Haha... Magpapadiscover lang, and just for a laugh. It's not final yet. I'm still looking for someone to go with me. Hahaha... Watch out!

I lost track of the Secret Bible Week shows but I'll definitely catch the re-runs.

I guess that's it. Gotta blast!

bummer

2006-05-02T19:35:00.000+08:00

Who cares if everybody's talking 'bout the end of the world? I care! Revelation is unveiling, the world is starting to heal her wounds and I think it's about time. We've been killing her for a long time now. I think a natural disaster is not a disaster at all since it's the Earth's way of restoring the balance that has been lost to human impertinence. We get in nature's way so it's our fault that "harm" is being inflicted on us. And we deserve it. Hail thee, Mother Earth for your ways are just! Haha! I love being Nature Zombified! Hehehe...

My heart is breaking and it's all my fault. It hurts so bad. I thought that was the last time I'm saying goodbye but I'm still holding on. I just want to see you again. I hate you! But it's not you're fault that you've totally forgotten about me and you have no business remembering me though I would have preferred it that you let me know that you're forgetting about me. But then again, I started this whole stupidity and I'm sorry. Goodbye.

I was disappointed 'cause I thought the new housemate is cute. They said he had 25 girlfriends and he's only 17. His name is Joaqui and if he doesn't do taekwondo and he's not black belt, he's not so interesting. Prejudging him, he's over-confident, he's cono [whatever on earth that means] and he's not cute. Grrr! I still prefer Aldred! Wootwoooh! Err, Renan! PBB lang pinapanood ko sa channel 2, hehehe...

There have been an alien invasion last night in our habitat. Hahaha! The house was crowded but only a few left now and it's not like all my relatives came and I was glad there was only a few. It's over now but just imagine one of them is feeding me with lies. Hahaha! She's so... uh! I don't know what to call her. She's so into telling things that people didn't care to know and way unbelieveable. You see, blood is thicker than water but I'm kinda anemic and with all the summer heat, I need a lot of water.

Sssshhh! The winds of change, can you hear it? I don't. I hope to hear it soon 'cause I'm feeling bummer.

I guess that's it for now...

wait and see

2006-04-29T09:42:00.000+08:00

Sad news: COGIE IS NO LONGER WITH PENSHOPPE. I'm not sure yet since I just got the information second hand but apparently, the reason is just because he's already 21. Well, he's not yet but since he's turning 21 this year even if it's still on August, technically he's 21. *pouts* I'm running out of reason to support Penshoppe. Don't get me wrong, I love Penshoppe but I wouldn't even know about Penshoppe if it wasn't for him. Haaay! Add to that, I'm not feeling so good today 'cause I'm having cramps and colds, I've been sneezing endlessly and my eyes are watery.. Heck! The odds of meeting him are lessened. There'll be no more use bugging DMB about him. Nothing new on iGMA.tv either. I guess, like most of the things I have in mind, it'll have to wait.

AJ's hair is thickening! Yay! He's not so panot anymore. Hahaha! Though his hairline is still rising up to his head. Long live AJ's hair!

I was wrong. I shouldn't have compared the primates to humans. The monkeys do not deserve such cruelty. I think it's only proper to apologize to all living primate species in the world. I hope they forgive me. Haha! That was pathetic but I MEANT IT. Wahaha! Remembering THOSE humans acting like animals, they would have deserved to be poached and killed relentlessly and I was going to. Like when I was going to write something about my highschool nemeses but such hideous creatures are not worthy of recognition, and remembering them will be like doing so. I'll just see them in our highschool reunion a couple of years for now and I wouldn't wanna miss hearing their success stories. But I will have my way on getting back at them. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold and they will get it. But until then...

Aldred Marc Gatchalian

This is my favorite PBB Teen Housemate; he's cute, he's smart and he's a crybaby! Aww! He's got a soft character and I can tell. Also he cooks well but sadly, the house seems to be too much for him to bear. He's making a voluntary exit this Sunday. Sayang! But of course, no one else can ever take Cogie's place. Mishew, Cogz!

What happens next? Dunno! No idea! I guess we'll all have to... See the title. Ahaha!

can't wait

2006-04-26T21:13:00.000+08:00

All good things must come to an end, so they say. This is Encantadia and Kim Sam Soon's last week. New shows coming up on GMA. Can't wait to see the Love of the Condor Heroes and Emperor of the Sea. Haay... Wala lang!

Still no sign of Cogie... Earth calling Cogie... Are you there?

I have read Renan's blog, and got myself Google Earth, perfect for espionage. Haha! I just can't get the hang of locating my exact location and... I give up for now. I'll ask for help when I see Renan. Pft!

Shaun posted new pictures in his Friendster and they were all yellow! Ahahaha! And I thought my room has poor lighting conditions. Nice one, Shaunney!

I got a 2.25 in Stat for Midterms. And I won't be doing that Final Project, it's not included in the final grade anyway, it's just for additional grade and I won't be needing it 'cause I'm sure I'll pass even if I fail the Final Exam. Got the spirit, you know.

Sleep, day or night, gives me weird dreams. Good but weird. I cannot comprehend and it's not making any sense. Should I confide to the oracle? Ahaha!

The Wild movie now showing and I'm going to see it next week, and my cousins are coming this Sunday but I'm not gonna take them with me. It's just off the budget but I will treat them some time when we go back to Lucena for vacation and it's just a few weeks from now. Can't wait.

This is where reality hits hard: PLANS FAIL SIMULTANEOUSLY and I'm still brooding over that Piano Lessons I wanted badly. I guess I'd have to get it myself and don't trust anybody else again over paying it for me and my dreams seems to have to wait. I think I'm forgetting something important: I use to rebel against the fad to get what I want and fears of failure succeeded in making me forget. Haha! I remember my brother borrowing money to buy what they want when all I did was ask for it. My reason: why do you have to borrow and return it when you can just get it and get away. I use to be resourceful and creative, and innovative. How could I have just left my personality lying dormant at the back of my head? Has it got something to do with my terrible need of hibernation? Haha.. Kidding! Aw! Even if I was hibernating, my brain couldn't have possible slept too and I'm not even doing the actual act of hibernating, just the being IDLE-DOING-NOTHING thing. I thought by the way, if I asked you what you were doing and answered me NOTHING, can you teach me how to do the NOTHING that you're doing? And how would you know that you're actually done doing NOTHING, and when do you stop? Would you chose SOMETHING or NOTHING? Ah, forget it! I just thought of that! It's just some diversion to relieve myself of the thought of stuffing my backpack with broken dreams again [Okay, I got some of those lines from a song and it makes a lot of sense, esp. in my state]. *sigh*sigh*sigh*

I tried using HaloScan for my comments but I just can't give Blogger up. That'll do for now.

Aaaaahhh! Monkeys! Can't get enough of them! Kainis! Haha! Lately, I've been classifying some humans to specific primate species. I have ways of secretly making fun of people, you know! Haha!

I'll be posting Boris' "15 Things Common to Bloggers" next time. Hi, Boris!

I ran out of ideas to share though I did have a lot when I was thinking the other day. Even that night when I've seen 10 Things I Hate About You, and stayed up late fantasizing on Heath Ledger. Haha! He's not my type but his role in that movie is so charming and lovable. Awww! I wish to remember it next time I write and I will share! Oui!

BSB's been away for 3 months and 7 days. When are they coming back? I hope they come back this way again next year.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!!

I love MONKEYS!

2006-04-24T20:54:00.000+08:00

This life is a refuge for monkeys. I love primates, they're everywhere. You can't avoid them, you just have to play along and monkey around. Haha... I'm so glad that I know my monkeys. I'm sure I'll be monkeying with them for a long time. Monkey-talk... I do my own monkey-talking. If you don't like animalistic approach to human life, you will probably never understand what I'm saying. I'm so near to worshipping Charles Darwin for his Evolution theory and Natural Selection. I hardly see the difference between humans and monkeys except for the obvious. Scornful creatures! can you blame me for liking animals more than I like people. Ich wünsche, daß ich sagen kann, über was ich genau spreche. Sowieso versuche ich noch, trotz aller pathetischen Sachen nett zu sein, die um mich und alle diese scornful Geschöpfe bestehen. Ich bin zu ihnen wirklich nett. Bogen! Oh, well. Enough of my NONSENSE! Souci pas. J'ai trouvé une manière de se débarasser du problème ! Ces idiots ! Wahahaha!

Nickelodeon have a good way of educating kids. I just learned something about FLABS. It made me feel a lot better about being fat. I just have to find something to do to spend my unused energy which I store as flab. NO DIETING NEEDED! Yeehah!

My Statistics class: Pure pawnage! Owning! Mmm-Monster Kill!

I wanna go to Germany, my trip na di matuloy-tuloy. I wanna go somewhere away from here. Well, when all of this is over. Summer classes I mean. Now, I'm beginning to feel the rotting sensation. My room is my home but it's getting smaller everyday. The world is big and I wanna explore it. I need to literally go somewhere, anywhere away from home. I'm getting sick of staying inside this box. The world is for me and I was made for the world to see. I short, I'm getting bored. Roadtrip tayo minsan, mga tsong!

Someone tried to steal my calculator today. I'm not really sure if I'm just paranoid or some small-time pickpocket just tried to open my bag. Stupid creature! I've seen the tactic for the second time and this time it's on me. A guy, who looks like he's in his mid-30s or above, is carrying this backpack that looks empty, closes in on you. almost cover your bag with their bag and try to sneek their filthy hand into your bag. I knew better than to bring my phone to school. Dummy! You can hardly trust strangers nowadays, they are either maniacs or kleptos. Freaks of nature! Or if I will try to see it the other way, I must have left it slightly opened but it's so impossible that my calculator would've have found it's way to the opening even if I throw my bag upside-down. Maggots! If he isn't what I think he is, why would he try to sit closer to me when I'm moving away to my left, pushing those to my left as gently as I can when his companions are at the further right edge of the jeep, near the door and when I first saw that modus operandi, those guys also went down somewhere in Salitran. God forgive me for judging them or forgive them for doing what I think they do, whoever did anything wrong to anyone. Hobos!

I'm being a tactless writer again. I've been causing trouble again. I'm not a straight-forward person and I prefer dissing through writing. Haayz... I wish I can be nicer but explain things in a nicer way. I'm sorry...

Something's wrong with Blogger, I've been editing my links and tried to put in Haloscan codes for the comments but it just won't publish. What is wrong with the world today? I'm not telling any of my unfortunate series of events last week. So just that you know, I tell you that some things happened. *AW!*

I forgot whatelse to write so when thoughts get back at me, I'll be writing again.

Red Sunday

2006-04-22T14:33:00.000+08:00

I can't stay forever like this but please let me...
Just like this, looking at your face...
Loving you from where you are, far away from me...
You may not know it but I'm just here waiting for you...
I love to love you like this, so just let me...

Cogie's real name is Redmond, and his surname Domingo is the Spanish word for Sunday. Got it? Hahaha... I wrote that in one of my post some time in July of last year. Wala... Share ko lang 'ung poem. No rhyme, a lot of reasons, it's a freeverse! All for Cogie, my LOVE!!!

cruel summer

2006-04-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

My last post had been so nasty. I know but carrying on with such arrogance feels good esp. when something annoys you. So, deal with it! Guess what... I'm writing my Richard Gutierrez hate post soon. Watch me diss him. Haha!

I've turned into a bone collector just this morning. Haha! I saw these lizard bones outside my window and decided to preserve it by applying colorless nail polish. Well, there were no legs just the skull and the spine. Ants must have carried the legs to their lair and fed on it. Poor thing! Accidentally, I broke the spine by my facial wash tube. Haha!

I've been having strange dreams during my afternoon naps. Not that they are strange enough to become mysteries needed to be solved but I just don't see any connection to day-to-day life.

I survived the Midterm exams! I know deep in my heart that I passed. I don't need a high grades, I just wanna pass if that won't be too much to ask.

The words of Imaw are resonating in my head, it went something like: Merong mga pag-ibig na walang kaganapan... Minsan kailangang makuntetong ibigan sya mula sa malayo... Gaya ng bulaklak na ito, pwede mo syang hangaan pero di pwedeng angkinin dahil mamatay sya... Well, not exactly the exact words but they make every sense you can think of. As much as these words have been said so they can inspire, they gave me fear. What if I never get the only thing that completes me, or atleast get close enough to ponder on its beauty. What if I die without meeting Cogie? I've seen the Backstreet Boys close but we've never met, what if even seeing him from the same distance that I've seen BSB would never happen? Noooooooo!!!

Tomorrow is Earth Day? Have you done anything for your planet today? I haven't.

My lips are chapped and something in my tongue feels uncomfortable. It's a cruel summer. I'm using a whitening toner but I think I'm getting darker. Summer is bloody cruel! I never had beautiful midriff and it's gotten worse. I think I have to buy new sets of uniform for this coming school year, new clothes for Wash days. I have 50+ blouses in my closet, but I think only less than 10 fits me, 2 pants, 2 shorts [no real problem with indoor clothes, just that some needed to be sewn]. I look like a pregnant porpoise. Heck! I can't wait to be made fun of. I'm getting sick of it but I can't do anything about it, hahaha! The best thing I can think of is stay away from people. They make me suffer for being in-loved with eating but they are nowhere near to making me bulemic nor anorexic. I will lose weight, I will be fit again, I am going to wear my other clothes again but not through dieting or starving myself in anyway. Food is too good to miss out on, and a lot of people, mostly children in the world today are starving and I am not so I'm not going to waste time on dieting. In case those freaks do not know, the older people grow, the more food they need to take in. Yeah, I'm making an excuse for being fat, so what?

My birthday this year falls on a Wednesday, and I only have 1 subject on Wednesdays, and it's only in the morning. Now, I'm still undecided whether I will have my friends come over to eat just like last year or I elude and sleep the day away like my 18th birthday. I'm still finding reasons to do things and partying also needs a reason. We'll see... If ever, this will be the greatest disappearing act the world will ever see. Haha!

I already updated the links. More celebrities coming soon.

I'm craving something... the original Cup Noodles from Japan. Aaaahhh! How on earth will I get to eat that again without having anybody coming from Japan give it to me. Waaah!!! You know who you are... UWI NA KAYO, PASALUBONG KO!!!

Plans fail, and I'm thinking it through. I have to do something for the future of my music career. HAY, NAKU NAMAN TALAGA! WALA AKONG MAISIP!

Gelada is Sugar

2006-04-18T14:52:00.000+08:00

I'm a hater and you can do nothing about it.

I'm trying to be nice so I won't say Sugar Mercado looks like a Gelada Baboon. Haha! I've seen this episode of the Kratt Brothers' Be the Creature last Sunday featuring, whatelse? the Geladas of Ethiopia. They so reminded me of her. She had this interview last night in 24 Oras and I'm not sure if there's something wrong with her lip muscles 'cause she won't move her lower lip, or her teeth are to big, or she's just trying hard to be cute. Geladas can move their upper lip up to their noses to show emotions, and Sugar seem to move only her upper lip when speaking. I find it surprising how people would buy her look-at-me-I'm-crying-pity-me-and-like-me antics on national television. She's earning a lot and getting famous but that's it. I think she's a schizo. She's 19 but acts like she's only 7 [including the way she talk, pacute but 'di bagay]. She cries senselessly and exaggeratedly, there's no truth in her tears esp. during interviews... Oh, puh-leeeeeez!. She should see a psychiatrist. She shouldn't even use God to get sympathy. People like her not because she's adorable or lovable but because people love seeing other people make fools of themselves. They say she got some college education but acts like she didn't even graduate from elementary. Seriously, you can make people laugh without having to look ignorant. A lot of comedians never got to even finish their gradeschool but they still look respectable, and people can distinguish that it's only part of the act. With her, there's no difference between her and her act. I wonder how she even got to join Sexbomb when she can't even dance. Most of the time, I only see her do that thing with her arms, waving them up and down. And I thought Jacque Estevez was a bad dancer *sheesh*. I just hope she'd give her a new packaging. There isn't really anything wrong with being tearjerky but if it's OA, like her, she should be sent to get some acting workshops. Her tears are forced, and the way she cries really gets into my nerves...

I despise people who make fools of themselves.

I'm a hater and you can do nothing about it.

Anyway, it's simply annoying that the cable is down. I hope it comes back tonight. I wanna watch this movie tonight. I still haven't had lunch 'cause I just woke up from my afternoon nap. I'm so glad that I finally let out what has been annoying me. So that's it, I'll get something to eat now... Buh-bye!

201st

2006-04-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

I was 15 minutes late this morning. Atleast I'm not having hard time catching up with the lesson. Taking only I class, helps in my concentration. Just one fact annoys me, no cute guy in class. Well, there's this one who may qualify but he reminds me of someone. He smiles a lot like Luis Manzano and I don't like Lucky.

I thought I was gonna puke. I had a glass of halo-halo, then stormed through a bag of cornick, which is like a feet tall, then forced myself with mocca ice cream. I'm still dizzy, and cooking up some noodles. I felt like I've never had mocca ice cream in years. Haven't had cornick for a long time too. I'm just glad I got through it.

So Ybrahim did die in the hands [or arms] of his own child, literally. I think this is Encantadia's last week. Avisala!

Yay! Imagepop.com is back online. I thought I lost all the pictures I kept there.

Matteo is nauseating. Been surfing Penshoppe.com and he's all that I see. 'Asan na si Cogieeeeeee!

Hoy, ikaw! Umayos ka nga, walang natutuwa sa'yo kundi sarili mo. Hahaha...

I haven't had a decent meal today. No rice at all. But I'm having some tonight or if I don't, I might pass out.

I'm done with YOU! Ayaw mo magparamdam ah, so be it! Di na kita papansinin pagpunta ko jan. Buh-bye na! This will be the last time that the world will read anything about you from me. They don't even know you're name. I will never forget you... Rest in peace... Ahahaha!

I miss eating original Cup Noodles from Japan. I wish I can find them in PX shops here. They don't make local counterparts as good as the original which reminds me... Bryan is Japan right now. Maybe I can ask him to buy me those noodles. I'm not sure if my cousin is going back to JP anytime soon, so my only hopes are Bryan, my uncle, our family friend's daughters. Kainis!

I still haven't posted the celebrity links I researched. I'm just too lazy.

Ang hirap talagang kumain ng walang tinidor.

It's not fanaticism. I'm not obsessing. It's true love. I love you, Cogie.

201st post and counting...

blue on black saturday

2006-04-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

I've done a lot of thinking last night. I was thinking of this something I used to love, I've always held on tightly and possessed. I still think I own it but it's out of my life. I've always wanted to let go but my hand just held on tight. I want it to just always be there, but then I realized it just can't and won't. It has its own turns to take, evolutions it has to go through and there are no other options left but let it go. I wanted some sign before I hand it over to destiny but I don't want some humongous billboard to fall from the sky, and hit me hard on the head before I start to comprehend the reasons of things. Change is constant but I didn't expect it to happen so fast, well, not actually fast but my eyes had to be deceived before truth could reveal itself. I keep on saying it but now I will do it. I'm getting rid of YOU, until I get over the fact that you have silently got rid of me atleast that's what I assume. Never had any word from you for a couple of weeks now, and yeah, I started this cold war but you should've proven me wrong. Buh-bye now. This time, it's for real but you'll always be my friend and I hope you'll always know. Buh-bye now. I hope I can do this...

Hold it... Stop... Don't touch anything! Before you proceed to the next part, I just wanna make it clear that the first paragraph I wrote has nothing to do with romantic love, it's all pure friendship. Okay? Alright? Uh-uh, I like! Hahaha...

Truly blessed is this year's Holy Week. Water from the faucet felt like it came down from heaven. Not that the weather's really, really hot but a nice bath, and a good night's sleep felt cleansing deep down to the soul. This time of the year, I felt baptized once again. One minute I was filthy with sins and short comings, the other I was cleansed. It felt good to be back in grace. I feel better now, I survived the harshness of last night's lonely thoughts. I have plans [I actually don't run out of it] and I think I have enough will to make things happen. Heavens have given me new life, I was saved once again, all oever again. I will be forever thankful...

Bright side naman beybehs!

Thursday. My cousin came. Wala lang. He treated the fam to merienda. A lot of net surfing, then we had our movie that night. Grabe! We stayed up till 4am. We watched Fear 2 and Monster Inc on the pc. Friday. Tv lang. Channel surfing. Then, we had a long chika till 3am. I also dived into my closet to pick some old stuffs and have my cousin choose what she wants and the rest will go to my other cousins who are coming next week. As much as I wanted to keep them, I had to give them away 'cause they simply wouldn't fit me anymore. I also... shoot! I forgot what I was going to write. Haha... I'm currently stalking celebrities. Haha... I'm doing an intensive research in Multiply.com. Haha... Writing down every site I can find of familiar, almost famous names. I can't believe I'm actually doing this, acting like a real fanatic. Don't get me wrong! All I care for in Philippine Showbiz is Cogie Domingo and if finding him means having to stealth through these people, so I will! Haha! Okay, okay, call me obsessed all you want lalo ka na *prrrt!* Haha! Ikaw nga! Speaking of Cogie, I saw na the pictures fo that girl that I wrote about some time last year. She won a date with Cogie. Inggit ako! When will I get a chance to meet him? *sigh*

*~*~*~*~*

I like her, she's really nice unlike... Haha... Secret! Oh, just a reminder: I do not know her personally, okay? I hid her username intentionally. Peace!
*~*~*~*~*

I plan to learn Vectors this Summer. I already tried na with the tutorial site I got but it's really difficult. I will try again, it's time fr something new. I just hope I don't get too lazy carrying it through.

Please don't think I'm disgusting but... Man, I stink na! I could smell myself because I covered my face with my sweaty shirt. I didn't want to but I can smell cigarette being smoked from outside of the house and I prefer getting dizzy with my own smell than suffocate from cigarette smoke. I will take my bath after I'm done with scanning these celebs' Multiply contacts. I will have them link here any time this week. But I do not guarantee that they are the real thing. Basta, that's what I found. But then again, I will eat first. I'm starving!

I read that Cogie has been spotted and his a bit chubby now. I bet looking healthier, he's cute as ever now. And bagay na kami! Yiiheee! Ride on, 'wag kayong KJ! You know this makes me happy! Ahahaha!!!

YIHEEE! MY 200th POST!!!

I LOVE!!!

down deep

2006-04-13T13:44:00.000+08:00

Hooray! Good news, got it confirmed that Drew's coming back. "Ayt, see you when school starts". Hee-hee! It would somehow bring very little ease to my loneliness. This early, I'm depressed. My friends are graduating next year, only a few will be left to finish where they left off, mostly are the shiftees that belong to other colleges. I can't and I don't wanna imagine myself without my friends. I got news this morning, one of my friends' friend died. He said something about sleeping when you're hungry. I remember doing that just this morning. I was up till 3am, I'm hungry but I prefered to sleep than grab anything to eat because if I eat, I will get sleepy, and if I sleep without having digested my food first, I would still risk it. And how would I feel if I was the one who lost a friend to death? I'd rather lose my friends through differences that cannot be settled than have them dead and have to attend their funeral, see them lowered to the ground. I don't think I can bear it, that kind of pain will be far too much than I can imagine handling. GOD FORBID IT! But I will admit, imagining myself dead and all this people mourning for me. Well, I prefer cremation. Haha... Alright, dark humor isn't always appealing but I can't help it. You tend to propagate morbid thoughts in your head, you go way beyond possible possibilities and you end up breaking down in tears. Haha...

I'm trying to fight it but they still keeping running in my head, but I'm not giving up the fight. I will try my best to be nice... Hahahaha!

even more devastations

2006-04-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

Heck! Try to look at these: 1) Scoop Magazine January 2006 Edition will have to wait till July, 2) RG is starting to shoot CB [Darn you, Chardy!], and now... *Drum rolls* That BSB Official Book is on sale for only P80 in BookSale in Starmall EDSA Crossing, and I want to have it. I'm nto sure if they have any other stock of it, since that's where Mariya got her copy, I don't know how to get there [I'm geographically challenged! Di ako marunong lumuwas! Grrr... I'm doomed to being an eternal home body. I don't know how to go anywhere alone except for Lucena, and Imus. *pfft!*] I'm not sure if I can find it anywhere here, anywhere near me 'cause I haven't really checked since I've only been informed just now, and through mail. I could ask to have someone from the YahooGroup to buy it for me, and pay for it but claiming it would be another problem. Heckadoodles!

I hate RG! I hate RG! Grrr... Let me say his name... I hate you, Richard Gutierrez! Why? Dunno! I just don't! Berserk mode!

Shifting to Senti Mode, now playing: 100 Years - Five for Fighting

Tomorrow [tomorrow is actually today 'cause it's past midnight already] is a holiday so I can stay up all night, all I want. I'm bored. I know I have a lot of reflecting to do. I just can't help but feel the pain of despair. I remember having learned something in Psychology about it, and should not be feeling this until I'm in my late 40s. It's something about achievement, when you grow old and weren't able to do the things you wanted to have done in your life, chances are you will feel either Despair or Integrity... It has something to do with the Ego, and it's killing me. I saw myself almost crying again yesterday. I'm watching tv watching these people, younger people, people my age, older people... that could've been me, I should've been that, that would've been better if that were me! Sh*t! And I said, I wasn't gonna lose hope... I actually am losing hope, wondering what the future holds for me, what is waiting for me out there, will I live to see my dreams come true or am I doomed for... God forbid it... A lifetime of failure! I dunno...

Next song: She Will Be Loved - Maroon Five

I've been camwhoring again [I hope I can upload them soon, I want them for my Friendster] this afternoon. That's what I do to feel beautiful. Haha... Ever since I've started gaining weight like crazy, I been feeling soooooo, uber ugly. My very little confidence have been reduced to a smaller amount. It's sipping the last of the very little I have. Atleast I know my best angles in photographs and I know my colors and how to combine [I'm talking about make-up, my theory: if you know how to paint, you know how to apply make-up 'cause it's a lot like painting, just that the human face is your canvas], I feel a lot better. Actually, I felt 18. Haha! I'm turning 20 this July but I'm still feeling 18. Yeah, 18's the number! Time goes by so fast. And did my life change, during the first two decades of my life? I hope so...

Senti mode is good time to reflect pala. Buti na lang Holy Week I thought of being nice and not elaborating why I hate RG. Haha...

Bless you one and all...

Fighting Temptation

2006-04-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

As I write this line, Anghel sa Lupa is being shown in CinemaOne. I think I'm in heaven. I remember watching that on cinema with Cana. There were very few people who went to see it, atleast when we went to watch but it was really good. I'm not being bias just because stars in the movie but I just love the story. Plus long hair looks really good on him. Oh, my... I'm starting again. *sigh* I went to Robinsons then to Lotus looking for a cope of Scoop Magazine January 2006. I was told that there was a feature on him. Excited that I was, I was devastated to know that past issues will have to wait 6 months, meaning I'll have to come back again on July just to grab that precious. Am I starting to sound like Gollum? Haha... But darn seriously, that magazine is priceless. I wll do my best to get that ish for my birthday since it is when it's coming out again. I will have that or I will... cry! Waaah!!

It's holy week, and I haven't eaten meat. Hehe... But evil thoughts are running through my head. Forgive me... Good, but not actually good, things are just hard too resist. Haha... I'm only human, and my brain can go farther than I can reach by foot. Haha... So get over it! Ahahahahaha!!!

I'm just watching some vids in YouTube and it's loading fairly fast. I should be sleeping now but I just wanna blog at this time of the night. I was playing PangYa earlier with Jerome. I must say I'm improving. I also had a game and a conference with the other guys. Haha... Loads of fun! Of course, we're making fun of our fave friend, Amor, and Shaun's at it again with his... uh, what should I call that... "Philosophasterical tendencies"! And it's the first time in months that I've actually talked to Rende through YM. My brother bear is going to be a seaman! Haha... I'm being sporty now, haha.. atleast with my choice of games. Basketball with FreeStyle and golf with PangYa. Haha... I'm not in the state of being athletic and health buffiness, and I am so far from getting there anytime soon but I made some changes. I only eat waffles for lunch, ever since Summer classes started though I would eat lunch often when I'm not in the state of hibernation but most of the time, I just sleep during lunch time. Haha... I'm not sure if it will affect me in anyway, but hopefully it could help even if it's just an itsy-witsy bit.

Statistics isn't much of a burden at the moment, and I hope it doesn't change, or if ever, just change a little. I think I'm doing good and it would help if I could maintain it. I can't let Math prey on me again. I have to fight, I should be predator not a prey. I'mabitechah! Ack! Ahahah!

It isn't right but I'm seeing through a friend's indecency. She's of age already and she should know better than do what she does or atleast keep it to herself. I'm not judging her, I'm just disappointed. I know she could be submissive and do anything for love but, doesn't she know her limits? Or is that really love or just worldly urges? Carnal inclinations? I wish that she isn't just being impulsive on responding on things around her. I just wish...

It's late and I should be retiring now. I'll check again tomorrow if I forgot anything but for the mean time... Tulugan na!!!

Oh, now that's what I forgot! Haha.. I had the links made already and...

'YUN LANG!!

eye candy

2006-04-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

Something new for the eye... My layout! Okay, I don't own it but it's really cute so I chose it. I got it from Blogskins.com. The links, the welcome message, the rest of the blog is still on the works but it won't take long. Trust me. I just need to rest my eyes for a few minutes and I'm back to construction.

AHLURVET!!!

Getting there

2006-04-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home from school this morning when this woman sitting between me and the jeepney driver... break winded! Ahaha... To make it easier to understand, the woman simply farted. Ew! Luckily, I sat by the door. That was really disgusting. I bet half of the jeep heard it and smelled it too since they were behind. I'm not gonna sit in that part of the jeep again, atleast without anybody I know. The only people I remembering sitting there with is Val, Wilbert, my mom, and my cousins. Heck! Reminds of the BSB concert, the aisle was crowded, teeming with ecstatic fans when all hell broke loose... Haha! 'Di na nahiya!

Things are getting better. I found Victor Basa LiveJournal. Haha... I'm so proud of myself! Malapit na! I will find something on Cogie. I just know it. And, oh, by the way, I found some pictures of Penshoppe's P4P [Pledge4Progress] pictures, but I only chose those with Cogie in it. Another picture with him smoking. I don't really mind. Smoking doesn't make him less of the Cogs that I loved, hehe... Even if it's just in my dreams. I also found names with possible connections with him like Doris and Ana. Hmmm... Who are they? I have no idea!

Someone told me I needed some shameless self promotion. How do I start? You tell me. Firstly, I'm too shy to flaunt, secondly, I quitted my band [and I'm glad I did!], and thirdly... uh?.. I'm so lazy to do anything. Haha... Nice, huh? I have ideas but Ihaven't started it just yet. They are so M:I [read ~ Mission:Impossible or just M:LP, Less Possibility]. Help me, help me! Anybody!

I'm not obsessed with Pinoy celebrities. NO, never. I just wanna be like them, I wanna be in their circle. It's the brightest idea I have to get to... who else! Haha... It's him alright. I can't stop thinking of YOU. Hurrrr!

I just love Ice Age 2! Still playing in my head, like a song giving me that LAst Song Syndrome. I still can hear Diego saying, "He's the gooey, sticky stuff that keeps us together...", And Sid, "He's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. She completes you." [*smiles sheepishly*], Manny with, "I'm the daddy, Ellie will be the mommy, and Diego, the uncle who eats the children...", Ellie, "This morning I woke up possum and now I'm a mammoth", Eddie and Crash, the possum saying, "Dung patch?", "My legs, I can move!", "He can move!", "I can run!", "He can run!", "It's a miracle!", "Hallelujiah!". Haha... I simply love it. I was thinking a concept for the next movie Ice Age 3. Hmmm... Manny and Ellie already has babies. Diego's former pack of sabertooths is back for revenge. The kid they saved in the first movie has grown up. Poachers are after them, and this time the kid saves them. I will wait for that third movie. Animated movies are so inspiring! I wanna be one of the artists that bring them to life. That is the career I wanna pursue after college. I'm not a good programmer, and I heard it's boring. I wanna give life to my childhood fantasies. I will make my own 4d animation someday, and the stars... the folks of my fantasies. I'm writing them down and probably have them printed as a children. I wanna make my own Bestsellers. I can make that dream come true with not much effort unlike in my Performing Arts, you'll need connections or get discovered which will take years and I'm not sure if I have enough patience for such undertaking.

I think I'm starting to sound like Sid. Haha... Cuteness!

I just have so many dreams, and talents to go with it but I don't have much support but, hey! I'll get there, in time. *sigh* In time...

I will make a website for Cogie someday, I just have to learn some more things and then I'm off...

Zoom!

Higher

2006-04-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

First school week is almost over, weekend na! It's tough re-adjusting my sleeping patterns but I think I got the hang of it. My eyes hurt already but I haven't blogged for days and I so i will...

The Ice Age characters are still talking in my head. Awww... I wanna see it again!

I was on YM earlier with Mhel in webcam. Haha! Hi, Mhellow! You're telegenic or should I say, "webcameogenic"! He's so cute with all the making faces, and the beautiful eyes... Hehe... I replied to his latest post and he told me that it wasn't really his birthday. Hehe... I think I just didn't read the entry well or my brain is still in hibernation. Oooohh!

I was going to write something about some Pinoy celebrities but I thought I'd rather not or the others may get me wrong and I don't wanna offend certain people. I'm trying to be nice just this once. Hehe...

I haven't talked to my tropa for almost a month now and I was lucky to catch Val online and asked him how his internship was and he said, "Tataba ako sa munisipyo, pakain nang pakain", then signed off. Nice. I do see Patrick go online but I don't know what to ask, Jerome want to play FS with me but I just don't catch him but we send messages, Mac rarely goes online but he replied to my PM in Friendster, and the rest... No news. I guess bonding will have to wait till June. Haaay!

We are drifting away from each other once again, but this time I'm afraid it'll not be so far from saying goodbye forever. Not sure what will happen next but whatever it is, I pray it'll be for the good of everyone. I just hope he'll never forget that I will always care even if I sport otherwise. Sorry...

Weird, but I had/am having this dream that I do not actually remember what exactly but I do know that I love that dream. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Haha...

Statistics isn't really as hard as I thought it'd be, well atleast not for now. It was cool as breeze but this Summer class and summer itself isn't as friendly as it was last year. I've seen familiar but not so friendly faces. The aura in the classroom is just neutral. No vibe of friendliness, nothing so exciting about going to class [except seeing Edd next door, I wonder what his class is], no nothing. The people just feels so... dull. I'm glad I know someone from last Sem, Mitch from our Psychology class, another guy from the same Psych class [forgot his name], and Sonel from LAN. The rest is... Ugh! Mostly were from CLA, which I suppose explains the aura but I did imagine myself becoming a CLA student but... Grrr! I hate their [those in class] energy level because it's like +1 down to negative something. Dunno! There are lots to be discovered since it's only the first week, and till then.. I hope they change. Yun lang.

Still no sign of Cogie anywhere. I did try something crazy [one of the dozens I've plotted] to get in touch with him but it just didn't work. Well, I'm not running out of ideas but I'm not sure how to start my operations or how on earth am I going to make them work. Heck! The stars will help, they always did and I will... beg them! Waaah!

Plans fail and I've already expected it so it didn't really hurt. I don't think there will be piano lessons for me this summer. Eager as i am right now to re-learn, there are things that is totally out of my control and I just have to accept how things turn out. I'll still pray to get what I want but... basta! we'll see na lang.

Embarrassing as it is, I think it's stupid but kids make me cry. Well, It's so frustrating to see poeple younger than I am achieve more in life than I do and succeed in your frustrations. You wanna be 'this' but you can't 'cause of 'that', you compare yourself to these kids, and you start to think that if you were given the same opportunity when you were their age, you know you just would have done better. I'm not that old, I'm just turning 20 a few months from now but... Argh! *sigh* I can't help but think, "That could've been me". I believe God has plans for all of us but I would prefer to have it all, be "it"... It makes me feel too old to do things. For almost two decades now, I have been a dreamy-eyed child. I appreciate that I got the very few people appreciate my potentials but it seems that I just can't get people to help me appreciate myself and reach for my star. Too much or too little, I demand it! I blame them because I just got tired of blaming myself. I wanna make changes but... I dunno, I'm totally lost.

On the lighter side, I'm still considering a new layout, my own. I just need time to learn how to. I still haven't encoded anything on the first one that I made. Help!

It's late, gotta go to bed, maaga pa 'ko bukas! Nyty! [Umaga na pala, 12:10am] *Kisses*

Vibes of Summer

2006-04-03T19:55:00.000+08:00

Meine ewige sorge hat beendet. I hatten einmal einen Boden, zum auf zu stehen, aber jetzt verlor ich sie. Ich werde schließlich mit meinem Kampf getan. Es ist Zeit, an zu bewegen. Ja schaue ich zurück, aber ich komme nie zurück. Ich finde einen höheren Boden und einen Versuch, um dort zu bleiben. So bis dann...

Translation, nevermind. Let those who know the language understand, and let those who do not remain ignorant. There are just some things that are too much for me to handle. Like the Spice Girls said, too much of something is bad enough. Hint: I've decided to leave the band for good. I will still play with my friend but not for ES, not even if they change their name. There are just some things that I won't take any more of. Not, no more.

Why do I feel like things aren't gonna work? My plans are taking unlikely turns and I'm not liking it. Something is wrong but I don't know what. And basta... I'll update you later when I figure things out.

Someone said something to me that I did not understand but sounded bad. I got offended. It has something to do with money and... I'm making it one of the factors to... forget things. I know she can be vulgar but I never thought I'd hear it from her, atleast not in my face, whatever that is that she said. Buh-bye na lang, Biatch!

On the other hand... Haha! To my "Popular" HS Batchmates, a big round of har-hars goes out from me to you. 'Asan na kayo? I knew 'he' was right when he called you "magagaling". Di kasi kayo nagtatanong eh. 'Kala n'yo kayo lang ang magaling. Haha! Kayo lang sikat, kayo lang magaling, kayo lang ang masusunod. Haha! Your popularity didn't really serve you well, atleast not after highschool. Yeah, I'm being bitter, sourgraping... Call it what you want, all I know is I'm right. Haha... Har-har sa inyong lahat, BOW!

I went to see Ice Age 2 last Saturday and it freaking rocks and uber cool! There were a lot of new characters like the two possums, Eddie and Crash, one of which reminds me of Shaun because of this gesture he makes [a knock on the chest, and a peace sign], Ellie, the female mammoth, Fast Toni, the armadillo, the two water predators, a tribe of miniature sloths and a lot more animals. Scrat is at it again! He's that squirrel running after his chestnut... Haha! He's been through a lot for that nut. You should see it. I went to see it alone but it never stopped me from laughing. The story went around Manny, thought he's the last mammoth on earth, Sid, trying to prove himself, Diego [My fave character], fighting his fear of water and Ellie realizing that she isn't a possum but a mammoth. It still has that certain something that made us love the first movie and it had a lot of water splashing, flowing everywhere. I love everything about the movie. I will definitely add that to my collection. I will buy a copy of the film when it comes out on video. It's, actually, the first movie I've seen this year and buena manos are always a sign good things to come.

I was just reading Maxene Magalona's blog and I find it weird. Haha... Wala lang.

Man, I miss my friends! They started in their internship already and I won't see them until June. One of my friends are coming back this May. Oui! I love it.

Let's see measure the distance: Me - Renan - Grace - Dawn - Cogie. 4 degrees, ang layo pa rin! If you'd call YM connection friendship it'll only be: Me - Dawn - Cogie. If I could only ask her his Yahoo ID so I can add him or his cellphone number so I can text him or his home address, so I can visit him... Maybe it's obsession and some may find it scary but do I have to confess all over again how much I like him and how much I really wanna get in touch with him, be his friend. But after what happened with 'F', he's probably think twice about hanging out with strangers. Haha... I'm dreaming! There's nothing I wouldn't do and the heavens know it. Kahit friends lang, sasaya na 'ko ng sobra. I admit, I'm jealous of those people esp. girls in his circle of friends and even those who just get to see him. Sino ba naman ako? I'm just a fan. Still, I'm not running out of hopes...

Summer classes are on and I already missed today's. Hay, naku... 'Yun lang.

Lot of new shows coming up on GMA, now I can't wait. By the way, the Gospel of Judas premieres this Sunday at 10pm on NGC. I gotta watch that. The stories of my fave tv shows are getting better... Yum!

Have I forgotten anything? Di bale, next post na lang. [Taglish, make my entry sound so... uh, cute? Hehe...]

[P.S: A lot of movies to watch out for: The Wild, Happy Feet, Da Vinci Code, X3...]

...........

2006-03-31T17:21:00.000+08:00

This is pretty heart-breaking! My drive A just won't read my diskettes. I'm worried not about the disk drive but my files. I kept most of them for so many years, they're hard to find now ans I might lose them permanently. I tried cleaning the drive but still won't read.

Tinamad ako so I didn't go out today but I'll be on it tomorrow. Now, tinatamad na akong mag-blog. See, I'm writing in Filipino. Gutom na ko. Next time na lang ulit.

~*~*~*~

And after five minutes, I changed my mind. I found something that confirmed my hunch and gave me more hope. Cogie uses YM, and... Aaahhhh!

Aasa na naman ako! I hope he gets to read this, baka maisip nyang mag-iwan ng message. Konti na lang talaga! Kung alam nya lang na siksik, liglig, at umaapaw ang saya ko ngayon. Haaay... Papansinin nya nga ako?! Di bale, mag-iintay pa rin ako. Too much ba yung umasa na kahit sa YM lang makausap ko sya? Or kahit sa phone? Or heaven na kung personal... Haaay... Iniisip na naman kita, eh, di mo naman ako kilala? Ang lapit mo na, sobrang layo mo pa rin? Kelangan kong kumilos pero sa'n ako magsisimula? Kumokorny na ko pero okay lang dahil yan ang totoo... Gusto kong sumigaw.

"Coooooooogieeeeeeeeeee! Reeeeeeedmooooooond!"

Alam ko... para talaga akong tanga!