To the moon and back...

If moon's what you call that big sphere where the stars hang around, been there just now but it's not yet my time to stay. I just came home from Quezon City, GMA for my PPS audition. I had to wait before I could get in. I've also seen some celebrities and tv personalities while we were waiting outside. They were Ivan Mayrina, Rhea Santos, then another female anchor but I forgot the name, then Lhar Santiago, Mike Nacua, Wendell Ramos, Anna Leah Javier, Tessie Tomas, Tia Pusit and of course, Arsi Baltazar the PPS Audition Master. I also made new friends, Andro, Kimberly and another girl, I forgot the name again. This is the second time that I messed up in front of a lot of people, luckily none of them know me except those I just met today. I was scared and shaking like hell. I was grasping my breath and had to buy some drinks to calm myself. Well, I don't really feel bad about what happened today. I even feel more relieved that such burden was lifted from my back. I was not prepared to undergo that test but I still chose to go. Not that bad right? Atleast I tried to fight off my fright but I still lost my battle against myself. Nervousness and the airconditioning of the venue is taking over me. I was cold inside and out. I thought I was in for some heart attack. I don't really expect anything good when I'm nervous. Hearing "Thank you but I'm sorry" sort of set me free. I felt good the very second the sound waves hit my eardrums. All my worries seemed to have died out. Everything's just so light now... By the way, as i see it, I have once again misunderstood what the stars are telling me having it mistaken for something else. Like the PPS thing, the stars are telling me something and I have already assumed it's about it but with so many things I have under my belt, It could be one of it. Maybe I'll have to think things over... I have to put off the PPS plan aside for now. I still have a lot of activities in line. No reason to be sad 'cause I didn't really work hard for it though I made some sacrifice like giving up some hours of my sleep for the day just to attend that audition. Oh, well. I believe it's God's will and He has better things for me. Anyway, up next... KTS, and Palad. Hmm... It's not the end, actually everything's just beginning. Trust me, you'll see.

Darkness in my soul...

I'm blogging back to black. I have already begun by adding the melancholic background music. My depressive-perky self is coming back to me. I know those two words totally oppose each other but that's what I feel right now. That hidden sadness that I have within me since childhood is coming out. I'm again having these ideas of eternal sorrow, journey-through-eternity thing, loneliness, being hollow and alone. But I can't help but want to let out my happy self. I've been laughing as loud as I can when I'm with my friends, talking of our happy future plans, sharing what had been during our day... but I'm still sad. Things are a bit lighter now because I do not think about death as much as I do before but there's this longing... I can't understand. Am I reading vampire books too much and those other stuff that talk about the after life or not dying at all. I'm so attached to these stuff. I feel like I'm in them and they're in me. It must be a mania of some sort. You have no idea how sad I am right now but feels good to be lonely. Loneliness completes me. I've been like this long before I even learned about the Goths. I just love lugubriousness; it's so me. Haha! You must think something's wrong with my head. I think so too and if you, the one reading this, know anything about this kind of mind state, please feel free to tell me so I could understand. I just would like to know. Dreary? You tell me...

Wits and Focus

So, how do I start? Today's one fine day. I failed to submit my overdued article project for Retorika but I don't really mind. One of my *crushmates greeted me on my way to the faculty. :-) We went for screening for KTS. I had a lot of fun with the band. Yes, you read it right, I'm back with the band. I went for my first rehearsal last Wednesday after a few months of stagnation. I just felt a need for change. I was hell nervous. I think my voice was shaking and hitting offkey but the others said it was fine. I hope we could get in 'cause that would mean a lot to me since... uh, well. I dunno. I just wanted to perform in KTS. Louie was ever goofing around, dancing and telling jokes. I also met new faces, not that I haven't seen them before but hat was the first time that I got that near to them like Larry who is currently the bassist of the Lasallian Pop Band and the funny guy (didn't get his name) who is the vocalist of Zealots. I also seen Rex whom I've only seen, if I remember it right, thrice since the semester began and he's still the cutie that he is when I first met him, Oui! I also got good news to share which I think I can be proud of, Jhay-Ar's band, Adea, is representing the school for Nescafe's Soundskool Battle of the Best College Bands, Rex is still with them, so is Narsi. The Zealots (Louie O's band) already has an album, Mark (Anna's boyfriend) is playing for drums for Ewige Sorge (Oh, yes! We're alive again) and Cresta (from COE) joined us and is also in vocals, Felson's also auditioning for PPS. Almost everything feels right though I feel depressed for reasons that I do not understand and I prefer isolation most of the time like when going home. Maybe I needed to sleep during my ride home or I need to think. I hope those who have observed can understand. The lone wolf is in me again. The stars are at it again, telling me to go forward towards my goals and heck! I'm listening. I just need to focus, use my wits, trust my guts, utilize my talents, and thank God. I hope everything turns out fine even if there will be twists that might not meet expectations. I'm hoping for the best this semester, this year. Two more exams and one more term and I'm of for vacation. I can hardly wait...

The MEN I Love [Part One]

Brad Pitt as Louis in the Interview with the Vampire

I'm not really a fan of his but I loved his acting in this movie and his [Louis] looks are vampiricly convincing and I have this queer fascination with vampires. I also like him as Achilles in Troy but this one's still the best.

AJ McLean as Raoul of the Phantom of the Opera in BSB's music video Everybody

My favorite Backstreet Boy. I'd love to be his girlfriend. Haha! I don't know exactly why... It must be his looks, the way he dresses, the way he sings or could be that something more beyond the physical that I see in his eyes. I love you, AJ.

Gary Oldman as Count Vladimir Dracula in Bram Stoker's Dracula

My all-time favorite vampire. His eyes are truly enthralling even as the messy Sirius Black in Harry Potter. I thought he was Johnny Depp when I first saw the movie years ago. He left me fantasizing about being Mina Harker. I'd love to kiss that vampire's lips. Grrr...

Tom Cruise as the vampire LeStat in the Interview with the Vampire

Same story with Brad Pitt, I'm not one of those female human species that would die to marry him but as I said, I love vampires. He gave vampires a sexy name. Ooh...

Orlando Bloom as the wood elf Legolas in The Lord of the Rings

I'd love to belong to his race, Elf. I love blonde men with pointed ears, cute! I'd love to fight by his side against those gruesome orcs. Orlando's really gorgeous in his black curly hair but I prefer him blonde, carrying a bow and an arrow in his hands and with a sword by his waist.

Kenneth Brannagh as Hamlet

Power of the tongue, insanity, looks, strength, Shakespeare gave me a reason to live. Kenneth stood out as an actor in this flick. Well, I've only seen a few of his movies but I say he's really good.

Nicholas Cage as the angel Seth in the City of Angels

Angelic. I was never hooked to Mr. Coppola [did I spell that right?] until I've seen him as an angel. I don't really find him handsome but his face is just... I can't find the word but it makes you wanna stare long at him, relieves you from alll your burdens... Heavenly.

the many faces of Johnny Depp

Depp in my heart... He becomes whatever he plays, he's sincere and real [as I see him]... He's got that look in his eyes that will leave you breatheless. He's drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, versatile... He reminds me of AJ, not sure why... Most handsome pirate I've ever seen, Capt. Jack Sparrow. I don't wanna die without having to see him, even once in my entire life. Aw...

Antonio Banderas as the vampire Armand of Theatres Des Vampires in the Interview with the Vampire

Spanish vampire, hmm... very Howie. Haha! He's a good actor though I don't really watch Banderas movies 'cause I think most of them are action, he's a beautiful guy, mmm... I don't know what to say.

Stuart Townsend as the vampire LeStat in the Queen of the Damned

Another wampyr on my list. Well I have this penchant for vampire-looking men. I love them pale, with long, wavy hair at least shoulder length, age same or older than I am, a good pair of enrapturing eyes... Aw...

***

I'll be posting more next time. This is only part one but I'll mark it as my favorite post and when I finish working on my projects, I'll be working on the new layout of this blog and Favorite Post will be added as new feature. So, just wait. To those who would like to use my collages, I just hope you'd never claim them as your own because I took time searching for those pictures on the internet and a lot more time on working on them with my Adobe Photoshop CS2 provided by Matt. I have the PSD files as proof that I made them so don't even try.

WAIT AND SEE

I'M PREPARING MY NEXT POST. SO FASTEN YOUR SEAT STRAP AND STAY THERE. HAHA!

I corre deu ive... Mwah!

I'm almost done with Bram Stoker and I'm getting ready to meet the Count. I just had an idea for my next post, my Most Loved Men (Fictional and Real). I'm posting some pictures here a little notes to give hints to why I loved them. I'm getting ready for the exams and the audition for next week, and man, am I excited! I also realized that it is about time to countinue writing the book that I started writing when I was in grade 10. I have only finished two chapters and I will be revising the whole thingso I can restart my writing afresh. Do you have any idea what song I am listening to this very minute? World music, baby! Joey Ayala's Karaniwang Tao at islamusik.multiply.com. I've had the link for quite some time now but it is the very first time that I actually thought of visiting the site but it's cool though. I wish they'd have more of those there 'cause it feels like years since I had a dose of those kind of music. Miss 'em loads of lot! Reminds me of Sir Greg, 8-Modesty, Kalikasan and... my, oh, so lovely sophomore highschool days! I just read what happened during Cogie's birthday. He just stayed home and slept. That is sad! I should know, and definitely I do, 'casue that's what I did on my 18th birthday. I slept right away when I came home from school. It was so frustrating 'cause I expected a lot for that day and I had plans but physical hindrances just won't let me... My, my. I could have been happy if I was with him at that very fleeting moment. Aw! Anyway, there's a new Penshoppe girl. It's Nikki Gil. Well, so what? Haha! Man, I would love to be in her place then I would get to spend a hell lot of time with Cogie. Grrr! Hehe! And another thing, the promo they have in Penshoppe today... Got an idea what the price is? Cogie. A time with him. God know how I would love that but I'm just to busy in school and working for my dreams, and saving my money to buy a new phone so I can't spend it on clothes at the moment. And I do have plenty in my closet but not everything will fit because I've grown so... Err... fat? Not actually FAT but fatter or, if I may say, grown bigger than I was 2 years ago because of my unforgivable eating habit during that time and until now, I'm afraid. But I'm not really worried 'cause there will be a time for me, there is and I know it. About the title... I don't know if I spelled it right but it's from Encantadia and that's how they say I love you in their language. And that goes out for Cogie and for my Sugo, JC. Haha! So long! By the way, before I go I just want to call out to anybody, if there's any who reads my blog... please leave some comments. I just want to hear from people. Or if you don't like, just leave anything at my chatterbox anything. Just anything. i just wanna know if there really is anybody that goes this way and cares to give themselves a piece of my mind though it may be a waste of time. Ayt? Thanks! I really have to go now. I have a book to finish, paper works to finish and... there! Haha! Buh-bye! I'll catch you all on my next post! Mwah!

*yawn*

Do I have anything thing to write today? Lemme think... Well, I'm almost past halfway to finishing the book I started reading last Thursday. It's Bram Stoker's Dracula. It's like years since I've wanted to read that phenom book but can't find any anywhere. I was so lucky to pass by the counter and find it on the counter desk, fresh from the hands of the last reader. Yeah! Adventure of a lifetime! I'm off to search for Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire when I finish reading. I love vampire books and movies. I've seen quite a lot already and I want to read and watch some more when I get the time to search everywhere I can for it. I also would like to read Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince (Year 6) as soon as anyone would let me borrow their copy since I can't buy the book just yet because I'm planning to buy the whole set of seven volumes for my collection and I don't think Year 7 will be out until 2007. But Kat sent me through e-mail a link to a site that has the copy what is contained in the book. I'm not sure though since I haven't checked it yet. Man, I've got loads of plans for this year and the stars are telling me it'll work out if I work and hey, I'm so at it!

About the band... I think I'm changing my mind. I just said I wanted to join them again so suddenly I didn't know what was it I'm thinking. Yeah, I know I said I missed Rock but I'm now having second thoughts if I really want to get back into it, totally. Oh, well! I can always avoid them and even play hide and seek. Haha! I can be the elusive jaguar and they can always try to catch me if they can. Haha!

Uhm... so that's it for now, my thoughts are running out. Anyway, about Cogie... Hehe! I still love him, Haha! You can do nothing about it, oaf! I also love my Sugo, JC but he has a girlfriend already and it's almost a decade since we last saw each other. Anyway, we'll catch up when we meet, hopefully soon. Haha! I'll see if I can get him from his girlfriend, kiddingly half-meant. Wahaha! Peace out, my favorite suckers! \m/

P.S. I'll be working on my blog's new layout after the exams and hopefully I can finish it just in time that I can brag it to the whole Internet community. I'll be adding more features so to add more flavah (sizzling)! Haha! See y'all!

Can't stop the rock

I've never enjoyed Rock music as much I did last night. The school held a concert for the launch of the school's FM Station. They invited Moonstar and Parokya ni Edgar and some more school bands. I was standing on the bleachers in the grandstand and had a good view of the concert though I went there late because there was another program I had to attend to. I miss screaming and head banging to the music like I do back in highschool. I miss watching concerts like those they had last semesters ago. The bands are not so famous but, hey, I love rocking with them. i also thought of going back with the band. Hmm, what do you think?

NEWS FLASH!!!

Does your feeble mind have any idea who I just found on friendster today? It's my first love who didn't, as in never, knew that he ever was! He didn't change much, still has the cuteness that caught my heart in our younger years. My, oh, my!

Ang Sugo (Hweh?!) Looks like Richard Gutierrez, doesn't he? But he's a lot cuter than Chard, trust me!

Know Me. Love Me

I just can't help but get sick of people and things that never changed. A friend was right about me, I can't stand routines. I need changes and I need it right now. I don't have to tell people anything or even explain myself. If they think I'm in to my lunacy again, so be it. I just thought of writing something just now. Maybe they'll have a clue, if they read this post. I even had it on my Friendster profile, if they should know. I'm just so sick of being paranoid about what people think, not that I really care but it still bothers me. I'm not really sure why. But let me tell you all: 1) FORGET ME AND I WON'T REALLY MIND... 2) STICK WITH YOUR FRIENDS; I'M NOT ONE OF THEM SO STAY AWAY FROM ME 3) DON'T GET TOO CLOSE, I MIGHT DESPISE YOUR PRESENCE 4) YOU CAN'T CHANGE ME UNLESS I WANT IT AND DO IT MYSELF 5) I'M NOT AS DEPENDABLE AND RELIABLE AS YOU THINK, I CAN LEAVE YOU SUSPENDED IN MIDAIR WHEN I GET TIRED OF YOU 6) STOP MAKING ME SICK WITH YOUR NONSENSE, I JUST MIGHT THROW UP ON YOU 7) NEVER THINK YOU KNOW ME PERFECTLY WHEN ALL YOU KNOW IS MY NAME 8) WHEN I DO THINGS ON MY OWN, IT MEANS I DON'T NEED YOU 9) IF I'M NOT TALKING, IT SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD THAT I DON'T WANT ANY CONVERSATION WITH ANYBODY 10) I'M BACK TO MY SICK OLD SELF SO NEVER THINK 'CAUSE YOU CAN CURE ME, YOU CAN'T Need I add more? That's all you need to know for now 'cause that's all I want you to know. Whoa! That felt good. It'd be better if I could only blurt that out on people's faces. Maybe then they will feel my pain or could they? What do they know? Nothing. Like what they are, They are NOTHING! I thought they could save me from myself but instead they're the ones killing me. They made the monster that I am, all they can do now is beware. I can be a disease that kills from the inside without them knowing it. Haha! Scared? You better be!

Somewhere I Belong

What Group Are You?

created with QuizFarm.com

How did I fall in love with you?

Maybe I dream too much but I just can't get enough. I can't stop thinking of you, forever wishing you knew. How can I ever make you see how happy you make me? I have nothing else to write but how much I love you... People might think I'm nuts, wide awake, dreaming of you but what else have I to do? I would love to reach you and just be by your side, but you seem so far, so out of reach... Sigh!

Happy Birthday, Cogie!!!

He's turning 20 today. How I wish I can greet him personally and give him something for his birthday. I can only wish and that sucks. I haven't heard anything yet about how he's celebrating but I wish somebody would tell me. I wish I can be there. Man, oh, man! Anyway, I'll meet him soon and I know that. My morning was good because I woke up to a dream where he's with me. I forgot what happened but I remember it was good. It's also the first time that I remember having a dream of him. I always pray for him to meet me in his dream. We were told in Psychology that we dream every night but we don't always remember dreaming or what we dream of. Maybe he already met me in his dreams. That's as near as I can get for now. I'll see you soon...

Happy 20th Birthday, Redmond Christopher!!!

Wishing for you

One of these days, we'll meet.

Then and there you will know...

I wanna be a part of you,

I wanna be with you,

I wanna be your friend...

It's so hard to dream of you

Without having to make it real.

Di tayo magkakilala pero

Para akong tanga

Selos ako sa mga tao sa paligid mo

'Lang 'ya!

What do I mean with those? That is exactly it. Who's that for. The same guy I wish for everyday. I'm so close. I'm getting ready to cross the line to get to him. I just can't wait. Time runs too slow as I feel it but that's all I can do for now. Wait.

Stairway to Heaven

My day's been tiring but somehow I feel satisfied. It was worth all the wait and ngalay. For the first time in, I think, a decade I have once again entered the kingdom of GMA. I feel nearer and nearer to the man I love so. Aw! I felt a different kind of joy just being in that place. Anybody, please help me get hold of my sanity!!! Inhale. Exhale. While we were waiting outside the Holding Area, I can't help but stare at the whole building; That Main Gate is where he probably passes when he enters GMA. I can see the stairs where he probably climbs to get to GMA studios, one of the cars in the parking lot can be his. The sun shone warmly on my skin. Where could he be right now? I would love to know. What am I doing this PPS thing for? Him. If I get through it, I'll easily have my chance to meet him without much effort unlike in my state right now and even be one of his closest friends. I could just imagine. No auditions were scheduled for today but instead they conducted the registration and the orientation of first time auditioners. Man, I had a lot of fun. Not only am I in one of the places I wanna be but the persons who did the orientation is kalog. She also gave us tips to give us edge during the real audition. I have to go back in August 30 but I think I have to take either an advance or a special exam for the subjects scheduled for that day. The exam doesn't really worry me 'cause I have a lot of time to study but the thing is, I may have to go there alone because, as I've said, it's examination week. Anyway, I still have a lot to work on to look like a star so I have advantages when I go through the screening. God Bless Me! After the orientation, we went to KFC at Ayala Center to grab some lunch. It has also been years since I last went to any mall in Manila. I was born there but I know near to nothing about the city. Haha! Doesn't matter! I'll get used to it again, one day. Anyway, after eating late lunch, we went to stroll. Man, almost or more than 2 hours of tireless, aimless walking after a big meal. My appendix felt like it would burst. Wah! But something good happened. Do you have an idea who we came across along the road? (I think I'm having trouble with my grammar again, I'm not sure if my the construction's right but anyway,) It's Japoy Lizardo. I only realized why he was there when I remembered that there was a Taekwondo competition happening at the activity area (is that what they call it?). He was with two unknown guys. I would not have recognized him immediately if my friend didn't tell me that it was him and I was like, "Oo nga noh?". Well, he's really cute but I think I'm a couple of years younger than he is so... Nevermind! Haha!

I got this from ala-ism.pansitan.net I stole some things today. Haha! I stole some pictures of Cogie today from websites without prior permission. I hope they won't get mad at me and forgive me I'll post it here. ^.^

I'd love to watch him sleep. There's also another picture of Cogie sleeping from Dawn's Friendster photos. Aw! He's cute! I'd love to kiss him while he sleeps... Aw!

I still far from being obsessed about him but I already am obsessed with what I'm feeling. Haha! I don't want to recover. I can't stay forever like this but I don't wanna understand the reason why I can't. It's so easy to fall for him but it's hard knowing this is as near as I can get for now. In case anybody has noticed, I'm saying almost the same thing in my every blog. Help me...

Weeeee....!!!

Reach for the Stars

I got this photo from Freaking Fabulous' blog. I think it's cute and a little true. But then again, Astrology is still a pseudoscience but it's really cute. Haha!

I've been missing out on a lot of things these days. Like... love? Haha! I don't really mind it that much if it's just about that 'cause it will come to me when it's time. I just find it cute (again!) when people talk about it infront of my face. Haha! I just miss it sometimes and I can't wait to see *EHEM* again. I hope to see him at Semestral break. Well, I'm not really coming back to him 'cause I already have someone else in my mind but I really miss his company. Again, I fell for the boy on tv and how I wish I can get close to him, as close I wanted to be. Man, I'm loving Cogie more and more everyday...

I don't wanna hate people but when they don't do what they're suppose to do, they spoil my plans... it just makes me sick. Hey, past is past but I hope they won't do it again and do a lot better next time. Anyway, I found stuff to get inspiration from. Maybe you can check it (also this one) too just so you can see if you'll get the same motivation that I got.

There's more to life than just love and dreams. One person proves it. He is Son of the Prodigal. I don't really know him but he posted in my shoutbox when nobody did. That was just a small deed but he really made me happy. I read his blogs and he's one faithful Christian, I admire him for that. I have no plans of flattering him but I just want to write what I think. His entries are really inspiring, so is Freaking Fabulous' and I thank God I found their sites.

I'm off to seek my destiny again. We're going to GMA tomorrow. Man, I'm nervous but unless I try, I wouldn't know if I'd qualify. No luck needed, God bless me!

I wonder...

I just want you to know...

I have mentioned about Cogie's accident in Tagaytay. It's kilometers away but it's good to know that he's just towns away, he feels so near. One of the cars that drive along the highway as I pass by it on a jeep might be his. Aw! Makes me wanna see him more... How I wish I got my own car so I can go see him there as often as I want while they're still taping. It's feels so good to feel lonely knowing you can just dream for now... Sigh!

Brokenness is just so me...

Heart, don't fail me now! Courage, don't desert me! Don't turn back now that we're here...

I'm not really there yet but I'm coming! I just need time and space to breathe and get ready for take off. I wouldn't know what will happen unless I go out there and see what's behind that black door. I just need support. So, I'm calling all my allies out there, I NEED YOU NOW! I think I already said this a lot of times before. Now, I'm missing Beverly more. She's one of the very few people who believe in me, a very good cheerleader. Well, it's not just her but the rest of the BCS11 Batch '03. I'm not close to everyone and even I left the class but it feels so empty knowing that I might not see most of them ever again and the others didn't even say goodbye. I miss those... them! I think it'll be happier to share my future success with them. I just wanted some fans, friends who will be proud to have known me personally. I wanna be happy but I'm broken and you have no idea...

I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face And a voice keeps saying, "this is where I'm meant to be"...

It sure feels lonely at the top though I'm just not there yet. Just thinking of it is killing me but that's where I wanna be right now. Maybe that's what looking back does. Maybe I just have to face it. I don't wanna be so attached anymore because those who were left to survive Computer Science will already be graduating next, I have to say goodbye, and be lonely for the rest of my days remembering them and thinking what could've been if I stayed. There's gotta be more to life than feeling what I feel right now every now and then. It's typically me to be lonely over things like this but I need to fight it somehow atleast while... Man, I don't really know. All is I know is I have to some way, some how.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky...

I wanna write some more thing but I have a class later at 7am and I have to wake early so I won't be late again in class. I'll just do this tomorrow or I mean, later 'cause it's already morning.

Good Morning, Everyone!

I wish you were here...

Not on the mood for anything... I'm hungry but I won't eat... A lot to be done but I haven't started working... Sigh! I want a new phone. Man, this sucks. I used to be patient but now I can't wait. I need it badly now. My fingers are itching to touch that phone. Second hand? Doesn't matter! I just gotta have one. My savings still ain't complete. Grrr! We're going to GMA for auditions and I'm having second thoughts. I'm doubting myself again. The discman won't read the cd, this whole star thingy does not seem to work for me. Not that it really didn't or won't I'm just not sure. I'm sure I've got my friends' support but still... By the way, I already have taken my pictures for the audition and well... It just can't lie. I have grown so fat over 4 semesters and 2 summers. Sucks, bigtime! I wore the tunic top my Tita bought for me. It's actually cute but with my figure... Argh! No wonder why some people tease me. I miss my clothes. I actually have a lot in my closet but I keep wearing the same thing because it just won't fit anymore, even the jeans. My favorite jeans from Penshoppe?! Wah! It wasn't all bad, really. The full-body shot sucks but I like the close-up. I look like a drama queen in that one. I also took some wallet size photos to give away to some lucky people. Hehe! I'll scan those pic and put it on my Friendster and at my ImagePop account. Oh well! I, so suddenly, thought I wanna be a model. Not a supermodel model but those who endorse clothing brands, those who appear in commercials... Wow! Just imagine... Aw! My body's not so fit right now but who can stop me from dreaming? I think I need a liposuction and a lot of dermatological treatments. I'll be there someday. I just have to work for it. That's exactly what I'm doing right now. I just wish I could work hard for it... Things are already getting clearer. The Felise Cruz Pregnancy issue turns out to be just her way to get money from those who wants to interview her. Man, she's pathetic. I read this from an article and I trust this one to be true. The sl*t's a liar! Tsk tsk! Goodness, I was told that Cogie had an accident last Monday in Tagaytay. He slept while driving and bumped in to a trike. I hope his fine now. I wish I can check on him personally. Haaayy... NAF still does their taping and they do it Indang but I don't know in what part or how to get there. And I wish I knew what his plate number and car brand is. I'll hunt him. Haha! I love you, Redmond!

Price for dreaming BIG... haha!

The bigger, the better especially right now. Think big. No, bigger. Bigger! Some introduction, huh? Well, that goes for me. Read this: Things may not turn out as you want them to but you can always turn them yourself. Uhm... well, I'm already starting to work for my future, Big future. Hahaha! Uh, hey! What's extravagant impulsiveness? See this: You've got a bad case of extravagant impulsiveness, but it sure feels good. Go ahead and enjoy these uncharacteristically wild and wicked ways, but please remember that you may return to your business-as-usual self by the end of the day. Very me, right? You probably won't know unless you try to know me better by spending some quality time with me, sucker! Wahaha!

Has anybody tasted a dragon fruit yet? I already have! Wow! I think I'm one of a very few Asians to have tasted that fruit. We have that plant at home. My grandma brought it from Germany and now, Haha! I ate it! It tastes like a mix of guyabano and kiwi fruit. Wow!

The audition didn't turn out as good as I have wanted it to be. There are a lot of people and we're in a rush so we decided to go straight to GMA to audition and make my dream come true.. I was hungry like hell again today. I think I can skip any meal but lunch. Man, my head was aching so bad because I was really hungry and I think I look pale already but I haven't looked in a mirror yet. Man... man... man... I'm going for the gold! Yeah!!!

Finding Emo? Haha! I wanna have a new look, I wanna look Emo! Some trip?! I'm serious. Emo looks interesting. I think it'll look good on me. Hmm... I just need to get my hair relaxed one of these days, get a new hair cut, a new hair color, hair spa and then, I'm done. No more gothy for now... hehe!

Well, I finally have the prize for the drawing contest. I didn't really expect anything for that. I'm really disappointed with that one. Man, oh, man! Nevermind, it's over and done anyway. I'll be going solo next time. Sorry, guys! Sometimes, or in our case most of the time, we have to be selfish before we can be selfless. Oh, well!

Today's class was good. Mrs. Escoto's out and Sir Pil was her substitute. It was a lot better than... haha! Oh, well! Nevermind 'cause that won't change a thing. Man!

New Cogie pics are added to my collection and again, I'm out of diskettes! Give me one, okay?!

No holds barred?

Oh, no! Am I really gonna do this? My head is aching already just thinking of the requirements I need to complete before I can try my luck in that contest and I also have classes to come to before I can got there. But actually I have options:

a) I can drop by SM Dasmarinas before I go to school, have my pictures taken and go back here after class to try out in the audition.

b) Got o school early, grab some handouts then rush to SM, take pictures, register immediately and try to be screened as soon as I can.

c) Skip class, just complete my requirements, go to the auditions and think about the quizzes I skipped later.

d) Forget about the whole thing and just get on with my school life without it.

So, what am I gonna do? I really wanna push through this but I need focus. The whole thing's getting into my head and giving loads to think of aside from that 3.00 I want to get this MidTerm.

***

Are you ready to be the next Pinoy Pop Superstar? Think you have what it takes to the second season’s biggest singing sensation? The first day of each audition begins promptly at 10 a.m.. Those who make it past the scrutiny of Arsi Baltazar will return on day two to face the music with Danny Tan. Don’t forget to bring the following: A close-up photo and full body photo of yourself, your original birth certificate and a photocopy of it, and a minus one of the song you plan to perform.

***

Spotlight or shadow, right? I have a choice, I know but I'm having a hard time choosing. Today's Forecast There's a time for caution and a time to move forward, full speed ahead. Now is definitely the time to hit the gas -- you've got a narrow window of opportunity, but you really need to push in order to make it there. The Bottom Line Live large. Holding back just keeps you down. Open your arms and smile. In Detail Was that you that just blurted out that shocking joke in the middle of a meeting? Did you really wear that bright red shirt out of the house? You must be joking -- you're actually not going to leave work an hour early, are you? The answer to all these questions is yes, of course -- you're feeling daring and quite unlike your usual self. Most importantly, you're determined to enjoy it. The stars say go for it -- no holds barred! It must be somewhat irrational to believe in Horoscopes but as I see it, these are the signs I'm waiting, might as well go for it. On the other hand, Felise and her sister, Marissa, just won't stop. They keep insisting about Cogie's alleged responsibility. Oh, my! They're so irritating! Why won't they just place the sisters (when she comes back) and Cogie in one interviw. Face-to-face so that we'll know (if we really will that way) what they have to say about and to each other. Oh, my gulay!

Fight or flight

The month of August kicks off and I'm in dilemma. I don't wanna hang out or even to talk anybody. I don't know. I have so many things inside my head but I don't really know what. I wanna get depressed but I have no reason to be. I wanna get mad at people and I have a lot of reason why I should be but I feel lazy. Haha! But I'm serious; I wanna feel something but I'm too lazy. I just wanna be alone, have my privacy. People who can observed and have been seeing me might think something's wrong with me but well, yeah, there is. So... you tell me what. I wanna feel sick in the head but I don't want to. If anybody could atleast tell me something to make me feel better. Actually, I already have calmed down from the rage I felt 2 days ago, now I've become so calm that I want eternal peace but not death.

I still have 4 days to think if I'd go for that audition. Philip said I should but I really need to be told what to do regarding that. I need to see Felson tomorow, badly. His joining too and I need to go there with him or anybody. I need backup. Oh, man! The stars are calling me but I don't know how to respond. Can you imagine just how light my head feels? Nothing's in.

Though things are mixed up in my head, I still have my reason for keeping sane. He takes my breath away while giving me back my life. I haven't met him yet and I can't get him off my mind but I'll see him soon. Should I see a psychiatrist? Tell me how to fight this...

Cogie... Cogie... Cogie...