Monday, July 31, 2006

Heal

Balik-sigla! I'm starting to talk Shakespeare again. Life is coming back at my half-dead self. Last week, so far, is the most physically exhausting and emotionally draining week I've had ever since the year started. Unfortunately, I also missed the Superman tumblers at KFC because of last week's commotion. Well, I'm slowly... uh, what do you call this... Recovering. Getting the good vibes back. Whooohoo!

Everything I imagined to be perfect, everything I think I worked hard for seem to have lost its significance. The pain somehow departed, though particles still hit me on the face while it flies with the wind but I'm better than now than I've been during the weekend. I just hope nobody spoils it. Tranquility, serenity... I'm almost there.

I'm starting to read this book Beast. I've no idea yet about the gist but judging the cover, it's good. But as the fabulous Melanie said, don't judge the book, read it! Hahaha...

Palad again! I'm ready, I'm coming. It's my fourth Palad seminar. Yehey! Ganda, Creative Writing, Scriptwriting, Poetry... Weeee!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Mind Kill

Why does everything have to be struggle? All the time it's the same thing, it's a fight or flight situation for me. I seem to be intentionally disappointing my self. What I dreamt of to be perfect ends up to be such mess. My self-esteem is evaporating and I'm drying up. I'm running out of restraints and patience, losing my calm, I feel like bursting out in fury. I need to rejuvinate somehow. Somehow...

Someone just plucked my last nerve yesterday. Sayang, I almost hit him but he caught my arm and someone passed behind him. One more word from him and I'll make sure I break his nose. I've kept my rage long enough. Just one more offensive joke, wherever we are, whoever you're with, you will get hurt. But worry not, I'll send myself to the University Discipline Office afterwards if you wish it, as long as I get my revenge. It'll be worth dirtying up my record. If he only knows that I've already murdered him inside my head. I imagined myself beating him up, battering him to death. He laid bleeding, and his existence is at my mercy. Hahaha!

This is evil but I'm just being true. I'm angry and I will tell it as I feel it.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Another day

Tuesday night has been so cruel. Storm outside, tears flow, and emotions stirring all over the place. That night was more hellish than the hell week we call exam week.

Wednesday made me sore. Tireless walking along the corridors of SM Mall of Asia. The trip was of short notice and I wasn't prepared. My limbs still hurt till now. Felt like I worked out five hours straight. Ouch! Despite the "hurt", I still enjoyed yesterday. I literally froze the whole day. I wake up in the freezing cold of dawn, then Patrick's car airconditioning, then MoA's skating rink, then the aircon again. Heck! The temperature was really sleep-conducing, and I slept during the travel then laugh along when I'm awake while the guys played with Veronica and play "gay" with each other.

Before that I went to watch ES jam. They were supposed to play for the COS GA but they had no practice. It was fun but there was some annoying emo boy who would open the door of the studio to peep and there was this guy who went in to seat. I don't know why. And before that, I had yet again one of the greatest insults I will ever receive from stupid, pathetic creatures who are lesser humans than I am. It's arrogant and immodest to say but I mean it and that serves them well. I'm not saying their name, but furious as I am today, I give myself the honor of vituperating them without them knowing it. Backstab, baby! Tried and I'm tired. I hope they get to read this. Wahaha!

No matter how happy doing the things you love can be, sometimes you can never help but feel so uninvited. What used to be my stage is not mine anymore. My last bow... Bow-wow-wow! Bwahaha! Who cares?! I can set another stage for myself. Beat that.

Thursday can never be more cruel. Reluctance, desperation, frustration and desperation. I failed myself again. I dreamt too much, miscalculated, missed my aim and worst... Expected to much from other people. I had it already, and this time it's really over. It's either I do it alone or I don't do it. I'm not mad though, just a bit upset but other than that I'm doing great. So good to have sweet distractions to make me forget for a while. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be lost inside your head, seeing only beautiful things, not having to experience the harshness of the world outside. I have enough strength to keep my peace and sanity but what if I don't. Maybe, I'd be happier. *smiles faintly*

I'm currently reading the love story I've fallen inlove with a thousand times. My heart is simply overwhelmed. Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy but it gives me all hopes with love. You definitely won't understand. Anyway, I thought I have outgrown my love for Amy Lee and Evanescence but I'm living that love again. Wala lang.

The winds of change is singing to me. Shall I hear more of it or shall I answer. Can I be bold enough. I'll think about it.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Love it!

Now what? First, the storm then now the SONA, then the storm again. I've been out of school for three days now. I stayed home last Friday because I got no exam scheduled for that day, then classes were suspended on Monday so the whole country can listen to the president and his minions clap orchestratedly as she says every line. So staged and scripted, but not so satisfying. She proclaims ear candies every year but there's hardly an output. The storm and the SONA came at the same day, and imagine the storm's name was the same as that of the president. Wahaha! They had to change it to Glenda to show some respect. Heck! They didn't really have to. The country's been in calamaity ever since and it just keep getting worse. Everyday is a GLORIA moment. What a waste?! I do need some disruptions sometimes but not today, just not a good time. The postermaking contest was supposed to be last Monday but that stupid SONA has to come and ruin my schedule and plans. OUST GLORIA! Wahaha!

Don't rule-breakers rock? Madonna made it to the top of rule-breaking videos. I'm not a Madonna fan but I love it when someone breaks free from the norm. Wehehe! PASAWAY!

Oh, yeah! I've seen the Mahiwagang Baul last Sunday. My Cogs is as gorgeous as he's always been and I believe he'd do good in a Tele-Fantasia. Can't wait for his next tv appearance or better, a regular show. Finally, I found some picture of him from the Animax Sundown Party. Love it though there are some alien creature with him in them, Aw!

This is rad, I'm obsessing on Leonard Whiting's young self. Awwwee! I don't know. I just feel in-love with my Romeo and started to download a lot of his old pictures and put up this page in
Multiply. I love this feeling, having my imaginary prince wearing young Leonard's face. I think the real Leonard is in his 50s already but who cares. I will paint him one day with me [talk about manipulation] and I'll post his pretty face on my wall [I plan to paint other guys too like Christopher Reeve, Brandon Routh, Johnny Depp, Cogie et al]. I'm not into the old him, who's probably married and has grandchildren, but the him that was him before I was concieved or my parents even met. I'm so obsessed that I'm currently fooling my cousin to believing that the avatar [which is a picture of Olivia and Leonard walking, hilding hands] I'm using in my YM is me and some special guy. I'm actually flattered that she thinks that it was really me because she's a bit of the same figure as I am in that picture or maybe it's the dress [as if I'd really wear a dress]. The picture quality is quite good that you wouldn't know, unless you're a fan, that it was taken some 30 years ago. Whatever! I'm just loving this! She's playing, I'll play along. Yeehah!

This is interesting, Leonard looks a bit like one of my friends, Carlo. If could only be a bit neater, try preppy fashion, lighten the hair color a bit, comb his hair... Hunk muffin! Wahaha! Peace!

Yay! Visitors from Europe, USA, Far East, Japan and Taiwan. Thank you, thank you!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

That week

I went to see the Dead Man's Chest last thursday but it still isn't sinking in. Heck! I love Johnny Depp, I love all these 'pirate' thing but it just lacks something. I can't figure out what. Anyway, the heart of Davy Jones is still with Norrington, that old captain from the first movie is back and Jack Sparrow is inside the Cracken [did I spell that right?] and we'll definitely see a third movie. Oh, well..

Been having strange visitors in my dreams, and my dreams themselves are strange. I may be thinking too much but even those I hardly think about appear to me in my slumber. And I thought my way of thinking is already weird, my dreams can get a lot weirder. hehe..

We're competing this Monday. The Bill Collectors are at it again. I hope we get the gold just like the olden days. Haha! It's been years since we won first. I want it again this time. They've been cutting on the budget but it's still not bad as long as you have something to win.

Red Sunday, I am... Jealous of the girl who caught your eye.. Jealous of the one who'se arms are around you.. Jealous of the one who finally found you.. Jealous of the one who won your heart.. She's a very, very lucky girl.

Save me while you can. I drift on the most unreal things. I fill my world with fantasies, I live inside my head, I'm starting to drown. There's so much love I can give, so many things I can do but it's all in my dreams and I see it even when I'm not asleep. There's seems to be nothing in the real world for me. I wasn't born for this harsh life. There's something more, a lot more waiting for me in somewhere away from where I am now.

Let me think for a moment...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Happy

I just have to let this out! Wahaha! I missed Nuts Entertainment this week where Cogie sat on the Hot Seat in
Balakubak. Darn! No wonder I can't sleep that night. I spend a lot of time just sitting in front of the tv but how could have I missed that commercial. If I've seen it, I could've stayed up last Wednesday night and watched him. Heck! He apparently admitted that he and Lovi have been going out for 3 months now. Nobody knows if he's courting him or they're already together. Sana LEVY na lang, di na LOVI, wehehe! Kainis! Now, this Sunday he will be on Mahiwagang Baul's Alamat ng Agila. I won't be missing this one this time. I also missed his guesting last year in Bubble Gang. Kainis talaga! Anyway, I'm happy that he's coming back, step-by-step. Buti na lang someone posted it on the message boards and I read it agad or I may miss this one tomorrow. Awww... I love Cogie!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Clamour and Crave

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Romeo


The young Leonard Whiting and Zac Efron


Won't Zac make a beautiful Romeo? I wish someone would make a remake of Romeo and Juliet. Leonard is the world's favorite Romeo while Zac can be the cuter version of Romeo. Leonard is handsome, Zac is cute but there is a clear resemblance. If you see Leonard now, he's in his 50s now, you can already imagine how Zac would be when he gets to that age, which won't be anytime soon 'cause he's only 19, and I do hope that he gets to be Romeo before he turns 30. Aw, I love Romeo.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Stormed in

Wednesday. The rain falls on me like water from heaven. I was soaking wet but I didn't mind. It brought me memories of someone I used to share it with. I can never forget how he would hold me close so we could share an umbrella or how we both ran into the rain because nobody brought an umbrella. The stormy winds felt good on my face. It cleansed me and reminded me of things I usually forget like when I usually say to my self that I don't tolerate pain simply because I hardly tolerate feelings. I refuse to be ordinary and with that I refuse to be human. Thank the heavens for the gift of rain, it washes back what I throw away.

Thursday. I was literally stormed in. Classes were suspended and spent the almost all day asleep. It was good that the storm saved me from taking that horrible Physics exam but I didn't get to give my friends/ former blockmates the letter I wrote for their Retreat today. This was supposed to be the last Retreat I'm going to with my friends but it's never going to happen now. I made my choice, and I had to leave. The day went on and night came with the sky rumbling above my head but it doesn't really worry me. I woke up that day with a beautiful dream. He was here, in my house. My Red Sunday was here, we were friends and we were happy. But that was just a dream. To think that I've only had him once or twice in my dreams and never actually met him, my intuitively introverted unconscious mind must be telling me that the day is near that I am going to meet him. I'm still waiting and I will never stop.

Jealousy is storming me. It's about Red Sunday again. Let me call him that because I can't stand people ridiculing me about my feelings on someone who's totally out of my league. If you've been reading my blog, you would know who he is. Okay. I'm thinking of him, as usual, and he's rumored to be this singer girl's boyfriend, and I get this feeling that they're really together and happy. I have no news about him and I have no interest in getting any news about her unless it involves him. Dreaming to be his girlfriend is far too much, all I wanted is to meet him and be his friend. I always say that. I want to tell the world someday that I KNOW HIM. When is that ever going to happen? Aw! I also think he's the one she wrote songs for and they're all about him. Hey, I can sing too and I can write poems & songs too but the difference is.. we've never met, he doesn't know such a lonely creature like me exists and I'm not her. Heck!? Am I dreaming dreams or what? Or what! Haha.. I'm so pathetic!

Maybe next time, I'll post happier thoughts but this time let me do one of things I do best... EMOTE!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Super

I fell in love with a MAMI. That's right, a Beef Mami noodles. I went to this eatery yesterday and their Mami was so good. It taste a lot like the Beef Wanton I usually order at Chowking. Their beef was tender and sweet. Man, I came back twice. I love it!

I was supposed to watch Val, Andrew and Micoy tryout for the Sportsfest but I chose to go with the girls to watch Superman Returns. We would have prefered to go 3d in SM Mall of Asia's iMAX theater but it's too far and expensive. For a change, 'cause I'm always hanging out with the boys, I spent a little movie bonding with my girl friends. Oh, well... Man, I spent the money over the week to watch and I have to save again for next week. Pirates of the Caribbean 2's coming up next week but I think I will see it alone. I get too noisy when I watch movies with company. Read my review on Superman on my Multiply account. Tah-tuh!

I'm taking my time right now with Rainee's bluetooth. I uploaded, and downloaded, and... Wehehe! Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to me! Now what? Nothing so-special happened today. Just treated myself to a meal at Jollibee. The spa plan I intended for today didn't happen, but it's no big deal. I can have it any other time, just not today. I'm currently on a financial crisis and though I have so much I want to happen for my birthday, I just can't. I wanted to have a little party just like last year, and even rent a videoke, and band instruments for a night of pure chilling and music but I'll have to save that for another year; It may not be next year, or the year after that, or not even five years from now but I will make it happen... Someday.

Pacquiao won last Sunday and I just knew it. I just didn't expect it to reach until Round 12. Go, Pacman! Time to kick Morales and his terrible a**. Wahaha! Last Saturday we went to Val's place for his cousin's slash godchild's birthday. Good food, I say! We also had our usual bonding moment with a guitar, cellphones, stories, and teasing. I'm gonna miss those guys when they graduate next year. Aww..

Defending a system is not so much of a problem this semester, but one thing is. How on earth am I going to survive Physics? All the Math it requires is beyond my understanding. I'm dumb at Math, and even if I remember anything it would be all random and not so synchronized so no matter what I know, nothing will make sense. Hurrr.. I trying hard to think positive, convincing myself to believe I deserve a 60 for the Finals. It's actually just the Prelims and that is where all the Math horror happens since it's written in the map called syllabus that we have to "recall" our past math lessons. Darn Mathematics! Darn that syllabus! Darn that professor. Okay, forgive me. I do not doubt that he's bright I just think he sucks at teaching. The exams are coming two weeks from now and I do hope that he puts a lot of Identification, Enumeration, Matching type, and True or False because by far, that's all I can manage. Awdy-aw-aw! Harsh!

I love blog quizzes. Dang! They can give you accurate answers no matter how random they are. Prrrt! Ahlavet! There was supposed to be a a blogquiz above this but the codes are very erratic so I'd edit tomorrow and post it. Ayusin nyo code nyo, hah!?

I had so much to write when I came home this afternoon specially that driver of the jeepney I rode on my way home. He cursed and threatened the passengers because of only one. He blabbered, murmured, as if evoking something from somewhere, kept saying the world Diablo. What the heck was that? I'm not sure who's mistake it was but he sure is maangas. That one passenger apparently asked for change when he already gave the change. From the beginning of the trip, he's already mad at the barker carrying a stick, and some more things he came across the road. Heck! I think I remember that driver. I remember having rode his jeep some time last year, and he was furious at the traffic enforcer who shooed him where he was supposed to pick up his passenger. He cursed, hobby?, and sped up the drive as if he crazed and wanted to hit anything that crosses his path. He sure is grumpy. What's up with that? Ah, who cares?! Bless him. Period.

Someone I know lied. She said she's coming out of something, I bought this little something, checked it out a couple of times and never found her there. Harsh! She didn't actually tell it to me, but she told someone else who told me. I knew she was lying but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She even used the story I told her about someone's , who goes by the same name as her, fate and she eventually used to decieve that someone who told me her secret. That's why she, the liar, didn't want her, the person who told me, to tell me because she know that I know that story since I was the one who shared that to her. Her schemes can be pretty dumb. Tsk, tsk. Look how insecurity can pull us all lower than we already are. No, I'm not dissing her. I just don't like what she's been doing. Why can't she, just for once, be herself. I wish her well na lang. My thought, that she can't read but even if she did, can't and won't move her unless she really wants to change. Oh, well..

That "band" thing is still haunting me no matter how I deny it, and tell myself I don't want to come back anymore. Actually I don't, I want to make a new band. A versatile one, a.. Oh, enough of this. I would be a band former member if I keep telling things behind their backs, or broadcasting it worldwide when they cannot even read about it. Sorry. They are my friends. Oh, well.. Speaking of worldwide, I've been getting hits from Europe, East Asia, and a lot from US. I'm nowhere near a hundred yet but, hey, as long as I know someone's reading my blog or just visiting, I'm A-OK with that. Thank you, one and all.

I've already uploaded almost all of the pictures of Cogie that I kept in diskettes all these years but sadly, it's not everything. It's just ALMOST ALL. There are casualties and I hate it! That's the closest I can get to him since we haven't met yer, and after taking a hell of care for it for a longest time that I cared for something in my entire life, including BSB stuffs, it would end up with NO ID ADDRESS MARK FOUND ON THE DISK Chuva! Bummer! Kainis! Anyway, I will start making the website I'm dedicating to Cogie after this semester. maybe by that time, I will have known enough to make it look like something professional. We all have something that we care so much about and he's one of those things that I care for sooooo much. My words are so FANATIC but they are actually of love. I'm wishing the same thing all over again, I wish he knew I existed. How I used to stay up just to catch up to his tv guestings, how I would tirelessly watch his movie whenever they air it on tv, how I stole his pictures from the library magazine when I was in highschool. Awww.. I know that stealing is bad but that's the only way I can have him, and talk to him, and touch him, even if it were only pictures. Obsessed? No way, this is my way of loving. And he's a star, and how do you actually reach for a star? Use a telescope to see him closer, get a constellation map to see where he exactly is, and board a spaceship and fly into the heavens to be where he is. It may take lightyears but it'll be worth the wait. Get what I'm saying? Haay, life!

I gotta go now. Gotta take a bath, and sleep after. I don't wanna wake up and spend all day with runny nose again. That just darn sucks, when you have to wipe mucus every now and then while feeling that tickly sensation that crawls into down and out of your nostrils. Wehehe! Nyt, everyone!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Breaking Free

I've seen Cogie on tv again, a small portion in S-Files. There allegedly is this impostor who's using his name and giving out his number to rich gays selling himself. My.. What kind of human would do that? But anyway I know he's fine, specially now that he's looking good. Hella good! This could be a sign that he's finally coming back... Thank heavens! Can't wait!

High School Musical totally RAWKS! Just seen it for the second time tonight. And I can't get enough. I'll be watching the Sing-Along Special on the 23rd. I also joined the contest, maybe my birthday will give me luck on snugging that prize. Man! I will pray hard for that, just like that on the 'Pirates' movie contest. Weee!

I got my first present from my dad when he came tonight. He gave me a Daffy Duck cap. Weee! Keep the gifts coming, you people! *wink*wink* As if anybody else would care to give anything this year. Well, I don't really mind. Not only that I'm used to not getting anything on special occasions, I don't really care if I get anything. As long as I'm happy, because there are things that make me happy. Oh, well...

Somebody just killed my hope on someone, oh, BUMMER!

Next post na lang, it's getting late and I still have to get my Image Mapping done. Toodlez!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Ehem

My bad! It wasn't the Sexbomb girl Myka. It was Lovi Poe who Cogie escorted last night. Bummer still. Sounds like an addition to my hate list. Ahaha!