"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying."

I love the rain. Sarap mag-emote. My friend's been walking around this afternoon crying. But nobody knew. He just told me. I asked why he didn't tell me because I wanted to cry too. Maybe he cried for the same reason that I wanted to cry. Something inside hurts. In my head, I wanted to tell him that if only I was the one he chose, he wouldn't have had to cry. But then again, I never heard what I wanted hear. He gave his heart to someone else and the moment I knew, I didn't bother to tell. But we're good friends and I have a new reason, someone else to cry for, to cry about.

It's raining inside. It's nothing big having to walk in this rain with friends but when everybody's got to go their own way, you have to go your own way on your own. At the end of the day, you have no choice but deal with the rain on your own, alone. I tried to wash away the pain with the rain but all the more I got hurt. I can't deny what my eyes have seen, and there's no denying the feeling when I saw it. Fun is a good cover. It hides everything, at least it stops me from crying for a while but no umbrella or shelter can cover me from this kind of rain. I wish I could have fun forever, then I wouldn't have to cry. I wish I can freely cry, then I wouldn't have to hide my tears in the rain.

It's raining outside, and it's the second time this month that I went home soaked but who cares? I love the rain. Sarap mag-emote.

KISSU!!!

This is ILLOGICAL.

I am Mayuri Kurotsuchi. I am Szayelapollo Grantz. I am Inui Sadaharu. To analyze is my pleasure - and for that, I care not if you were turned to ash. Bwahaha! Ashi ne? I was just talking to my friend about some personal stuffs [that you aren't going to know unless you ask me personally,  kokoro no ichijou] and I told him that I am currently studying some "specimens" and gathering data and... Ahaha. Never mind. I just felt like saying those thing. well, I don't really have anything that much to write. So...

Aww.. My friend's got a girlfriend, just last Friday. Aww.. Sweetness! He told me just now. It just happened out of the blue. They both felt the same way for each other, they admitted and then.. Now they're together. What the... I envy them. I wish the same thing could happen to me. A friend's been telling me to make the first move since it doesn't really matter who says it first. The point is that you say it but I'm scared. I'm not a person who can talk about my feelings freely. And I'm not so touchy though I stealthily take my chances. Hehehe. My gut's been telling me things but my head tells me otherwise. [The last time I tried, some two or three years ago, I was late. He said he felt it too before but I was too late. He's already with someone else] It's hurts to be rejected but it hurts more not being able to say it. And I've been thinking of the consequences. He may feel the same way or not. If he does, we will end up together but if not, what could possibly happen? I can still be friends with him and pretend like nothing happened but chances are he likes someone else and he will start avoiding me and I'll be sadder than I am now. Aww.. Kanashii! I wish he knew but he has no idea. I wanted to touch him, hig him, kiss him. But I can't be to careless or I'll be too obvious.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
[[broken.seether]]

You may be getting tired of me talking about my love and the stuffs that goes with it but it's better than having to read my I-hate-the-world posts. Hehe.

Fact: Shiawase is NOT my only happiness now.  Meow.

My cousin came today. I invited her for my birthday and she came two days late. That idiot, hahaha! She thought the party will be next week but, well, it was last week. I've been planning to introduce her to my friend who likes her since New Year but it's seems like they aren't destined to meet. Haha. They were chatmates, they were textmates but they have never met. How.. Nice. Hehehe. She left with my brother to watch Transformers. I wanted to come and she was going to pay for my movie ticket but I don't feel like leaving the house today and I haven't taken a bath yet. I just told her to bring me something when she gets home.

I'm calmer now than when I was writing my last post, though my heart still feels like it's going to tear when I think of what I've been thinking. Anyway, I've been reading some astrology stuffs since the other night and I just came across something about my star sign that says I'm crabby.  Wala lang. Crabbiness [Grouchy; ill-tempered.] can be cute sometimes, and it does sound cute. Hehe. That's why I love these stuff. They tell you things you already know, things you do not yet know, and things that you want to hear, be it good or bad. Ah-just-simply-lavet!

Man, I'm broke but chances are presenting themselves to me again. I think i'm joining CSPC's logo-making contest. Hahaha. It's my last year anyway, I have to take every opportunity that comes my way. $__$ La-la-la.. Ahoho!

Yay, we're watching Harry Potter on Wednesday and invading Pau-pau's [the nick, c'mon!] crib on Friday. My, my.. I'm so busy. Nyahahah!

I need a makeover. Badly. If you have only seen me two to three years ago, you would have wished I stayed that way. The way I dressed and carry myself is way different back then. The clothes I wear, eyeliners, accessories. I was a rock star. Ahaha. Look at me now. I need a new look, I'm getting sick of my current look but... I don't like shopping for clothes like my brothers 'cause I'd rather buy food with the money, and I don't like fixing my self and getting dolled up because it takes so much time. What on earth am I suppose to do? Blah! Heh!

*sob*sigh* I want a new phone [iPhone, K800 or N93 will do], I want a violin, I want a piano,  I want to cosplay but I need money. Huwaaaaah!

Can I sing to you? Can I sing for you? Can you be the song I sing?

XXI

Dang, I'm so stupid! Sir Joribs greeted me today. And I asked him how did he know, all he said was "Secret!" and smiled. How could have I forgotten? He was our class adviser when I was still a ComSci student. That was how he knew. It was really heart-warming that he never forgot but some kind of idiocy made me ashamed of myself. I know, and pretty sure that I've hurt his feelings. Baka! Baka! I even asked him for a favor this afternoon so I can get my files at the computer lab. I remember trying to invite him but he refused. Aww... man!

Kissu! Kissu! That word kept me laughing very hard this afternoon. Haha.. Everybody's trying to kiss somebody or get somebody to kiss someone else. Pisikalan! It's Shayne's fault! Hahaha! I'm not used to having huggey-kissey-touchey friends but it's fun [trying to avoid lips that are after you and arms and hands that try to hold you down. Waaah!]. I never had that much female friends as I was growing up and never had a sister, maybe that's why. I'm close to my female cousins but we're not that [huggey-kissey-touchey] close. I didn't even grow up to be "malambing". I was born lovesick but introverted, wild child, lone wolf, lonely and lunatic. Well, as you can all see I've changed a lot but still the same on some extent. Oh, well.. I still think girls that are kissing each other is WEIRD. ^__^\/ Hahaha!

Ditchers will die! Whoever ditches me tomorrow will suffer bad luck and humiliation for the next seven days.

Yay, I have my first project as an apprentice. I have to do my best. GAMBARE MASU! I have to summon all my darkest powers so I can create a really dark, dark-themed artwork. I met my fellow Graphics apprentice today and *fighting pose* Kyah! Hehehe! Wala lang.

Charge! Hahaha! The guys are into this game named Charge and it seems to be becoming a fever. Everybody's doing it. Nyaaah! I've never tried it and I don't think I will since I'm too uncoordinated for such games. They're into Magic The Gathering too and, Word Game [I love this one!], Logic game. Of course, I don't know how to play Magic and I'm not into card games and the Logic game... I'm not so much of a logical person. I'm more of a right-brain person. Excuses! Hahaha! Oh, yeah the jokes too. Even the corniest jokes can make you laugh especially when no one laughs when someone cracks a joke. Hahaha! Yeah, and our Tambay Committee. After-class Tambay Sessions at 7/11. We chill the day's stress away. Food trip, laugh trip... Don't you just love those Ningens? Hahaha! I love calling them ningen [human]. I remember someone asking me before, why ningen instead of people? I told him, People does not only refer to human because individuals/creatures that are part of a certain group like colonies, and flocks etc. are also called people but you cannot call other beings humans unless they're humans. I am right, right? You have no choice, you can't do anything. Hehehe...

Greeting came later than I expected. But at least they never forgot. Aww.. thank you, minna-san!

Yay, li'l party something-something later [umaga na eh!]. Oh, yeah! This would be fun and I hope I can make my guests happy too. And I hope that those I invited would come or else... Ditchers will die! Bwahaha!

OHAYOU GOZAIMASHITA!

Word Slap

Achievement of the day: Making that Yaoi boy shut up. Hahaha. I yelled at him and I managed to shut him up at least for a short while. He's too annoying for his own good.  Serves him right, I think I scared the others though [hounto ni sumimasen!]. My exact words were: Don't touch me. I don't like you. You're annoying me. I was shocked too. Didn't hold back, my tolerance just ran out. Seems like the core of his very existence is TO ANNOY beings other than himself. The others are just being NICE trying to tolerate him as much as they can but that's it.. Word vomit. It came so suddenly before I realized what I did. No, I'm not sorry. I just hope he'd be smart enough to start avoiding me so I want have to get more annoyed than I already am and I don't have to do the same thing all over again till he gets the sense of it. He caused me too much stress, good thing there was a cutter and a styrofoam to play with. I carved the words: Ningen, Evil, and L.

Yay, I bought my first book, the first book I ever bought that is not for school. I bought Phantom of the Opera from Book Sale from Scott's bazaar. Oh, and there was this booth that sells delicious dumplings [siomai]. Yay! Yay! I'll start reading it tonight.

Nothing much happened today other than the usual tambay we do. In a few days, exam na. What the?! We're doing doing this experiment something for PC Troubleshooting, and guess what? We have to buy our own experiment thingies. Makes me wonder where our tuition goes. I was like.. WTF? I have thesis [panels, editing, system] to pay for and I haven't even paid the whole sum of my tuition fee. Heck~

What now? Now what?

Part of me, wants to take the world upon my shoulders
Part of me, wants to run around for four leaf clovers
How could it be, that I should want these totally different things

You see a part of me that's safe from harm
Can hear a future calling far away
I'm trying to say
That a change is coming, we both know
And I don't know which way to go, which way to go

Part of me is so in love
There's a fit between us like a glove
But we're so young with so much time
Waiting for tomorrow's rise
Part of me is so naive
I believe that we can stay this free
But deep inside I need to go
The world ahead is calling part of me

I remember all the joys and trouble we have been through
(Part of me) Wants to stick around to mend those broken wound
(We both know) Even though we fight, we're running out of time
The world goes on and despite our cry
To stop a moment, once before we die
You can't deny
That the earth is spinning round and round
And where it stops I will be found, I will be found

The earth is spinning round and round and round
And where it stops I will be found, I will be found

I feel a change is coming, we both know
And I don't know which way to go, which way to go...

- part.of.me.billy.crawford -

Don't get me wrong. I am happy [  haffyburdey , c'mon you have no idea ] but with all the excitement [excited? really now? haha, to think I was badly depressed a few days back and almost backed out] for that special day I feel something coming. Something from within me sings supernal peace like that kind of peace felt by someone who's about to die. I don't know. The beginning of the second decade of my LIFE seem to signal the end of another or maybe of the same life. I don't know. I don't feel the usual sadness and loneliness I feel during special occasions like Christmas and my birthday. Well, it's not like I can do anything about something that is meant to happen, right? I am a fatalist, so we'll leave it like that. Sabi nga ni Hagrid, we'll face it when it comes, or something like that. Hahaha!

It's a good thing I didn't join the others in making the bulletin board yesterday. Hahaha. Clue: Give away na yan:  haffyburdey  Wala lang. If I went to school I would not have been able to chat with in YM. I know he's not going to read this post so.. Ahoho! This is the time when people actually sing, "Happy na, birthday pa" La-la-la! Ahlavet!

I woke up this morning from a dream. A cute but weird dream. Guess who I dreamt of... I dreamt of Paul [Yes. You, Paul!] Ahaha... I'm not telling what the dream is about but as I've said. It's cute but WEIRD, hehe..

I'm not old; everybody else just happen to be younger. I could start interacting with everyone in the HF office but I'm confused. How should I address them? It doesn't feel right to call them ATEs and KUYAs because I'm older than most of the people there, even the EIC. Well, I have no problem with my fellow newbies since they're the ones calling me ATE and I don't really mind. Oh, well...

Pa'no ba yan... Count down na? Hajime!