on leave

I came last Sunday and just currently wreaking havoc in my extended fam's crib. I'll be bloggin' when I get back. See you all in a few days...

boredom gets you

I badly need a vacation, I'm sore, sick, rotten staying in this house. I need to stay away for a while. Luckily, we're leaving this Saturday. I have no money for vacation but I'm still going. Actually, I used to have some money but being bored silly and taste fatigued, I kinda spent the money I saved during summer classes on fastfood. You can't blame me for having oral fixation. My case is not the talkative, blabbering kind just the gotta-chew-as often-as-possible. Oh, well...

My feet has badly needs something too. Foot spa! It's been years since I had my first ever foot spa care of my cousin, and now... My sole is so thick, it literally SUMASABITs. Like one time, I had to stand on a rough surface, my skin peeled off. Baloney!

Trouble stirring just around the corner, I can feel it. Hahaha... This is gonna be fun.

Can't wait to go back to school!

why now?

At naintriga si Boris, sino daw ang dream boy ko? Hehehe...

It may be a bourgeois idealism, but without money I am immobile. I can't blame myself for being born a middle class citizen but I definitely won't let myself die a middle class. I plan to live a higher level of life. It may take some time, even years, but I'll be working on it. I'm too ambitious, self-righteous, self-efficient and plain selfish to stay where I am. And I do get tired of things easily and I crave for constant change, badly. Love moves in mysterious way? Yeah right, but so does money. In short, wala akong pera. Heck! This reminds me of the days before I had the money to buy my BSB concert tickets. The need isn't actually that bad but I'm just a bit stressing about how I can't have the things I want when I want it or as soon as I can. Heck talaga!

Perhaps they think I'm being autistic but I just don't wanna grow up and grow old. I'm nto intellectually impaired, just so attached with my inner child and makes me feel so left out. My cousins for example, even the younger ones are busy about grown up things. This child needs children for playmates and not young fashion zombies obsessed with meeting people, getting a lovelife. Seems like, the things they care for do not bother me a wee bit. Must be that our real life situations are very different but why the drift?

I won't be getting earrings this time of the year but I'd still be pushing through with the henna tattooing. If I get to Lucena on time, I'll be having it with Boris. I'm not really sure when the fiesta is and some issues will cause some probable delay that I do not actually need because I'm in it for vacation and I don't think I can use any of it. The one of my reasons I want to go there is to see someone I won't be seeing for a long time or maybe ever again. I just wanna say goodbye, though we'd still be texting but I don't think, with the way my life is going, that I'll be going that road anytime soon after today. Bahala na!

I did this survey from BlogThings.com out of boredom and I think the results are kind of cool.

Your Linguistic Profile::

50% General American English

30% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

BJ and Tyler won Amazing Race 9. Romy Garduce and the 1st Philippine Everest Team made it to the summit and is going down now. I wanted to join DLSU-D's Mountaineering Society when I was still a freshman, and even now but I don't have equipments and I'm too lazy, but it's on my to-do list that I want to accomplish before I die. Jewel in the Palace is in its last 3 weeks. No movies for me, for now. The movies I'll be missing will be added to my collection when they get released on video and I go o shop for VCD but that won't be anytime soon, and I know that. Shark tale premieres in HBO this May 28 but I'm afraid I won't be seeing it 'cause I expect to already be in Lucena by that time. I'm building this theory that some of the people I know, whose names will not be mentioned in this post due to insignificance, are simply LIARS. Hahaha... It's not confirmed yet but through patient observation and constant paranoia, I therefore conclude that they are. Hahaha, again.



@Boris : Di ko yun dream boy. Nagpapaka-obsessed lang ako sa cuteness nya kasi ang tagal naming di nakita. Bassist namin yun dati. Nga pala, see you sa fiesta! Kelan ba makukuha ang yearbook? Yung Philippine Idol eh franchise ng American Idol na isa sa magagandang paraan para ilagay ang sarili sa kahihiyan. Sana walang makakilala sa 'kin pag punta ko ng SM, pero enjoy, susubok pa ko ulit hanggang di pa ako 28! Hehehe...
@Renan : Bakit mo naman naisipang lumipat sa I.ph, anong meron?

I can't believe I'll be wearing plus size from now on. It isn't actually that big 'cause it's Filipino size and the standard is only that of CD Jeans but 2XL is still plus size. And because I have to get a new pair of uniform to fit me for this school year and the budget's a bit short, I won't be buying a new bag. I'm blaming the same people for all these. They are so far away but their problem is affecting my way of living. They do not understand that I live for backpacks, I love 'em, I gotta have 'em and I'm so looking forward to buying a knapsack. I hate how money and my relatives have to ruin my plans, my obsession, my happiness. This feels exactly just like last Christmas. I'm not asking for too much, just a good house for my school supplies that feels like one obedient monkey hanging on my back. I sound pathetic but this means so much to me and nobody cares. Ha-ha from me, for me... *sigh*

I can accept how things don't always go my way but it doesn't really have to happen this often and why on the simplest of things that I want. BUWISET!

miss

I haven't seen him almost 2 years and now I'm obsessing. I saved all of the picture of him that I got from his Friendster and from ex-girlfriend's on my pc. What can I do, he's so dreamy, cute's and he's singkit. I have more reason now to go to SM more often which reminds me... I'll be going there to buy my stuff for this school year, too bad lang he stopped schooling na definitely because of that witch he used to love. Heck! Okay lang, tropa naman kami and I can never be more delighted by just staring at him. Ewan, but he's so lovable when I saw him yesterday, ang sarap nyang titigan. I don't intend to go beyong boundaries anyway. I learned to adopt to how the love cycle by just satisfying my eyes with eyecandies, I don't wish to really keep them for myself except for Cogie pero there's nothing wrong with dreaming on 'di ba, malay mo, malay ko, sinong may malay? Hahaha... Buti na lang talaga things didn't go as planned. I was supposed to lead my cousins in a mall pilgrimage but luckily I didn't... Long story, basta!

Bryan's coming home this August and told me to come since I was the only one who didn't come last year. Well, nobody told me but it's my fault 'cause I let someone steal my phone. I'm definitely coming. The band broke up because I got tired, I quitted and... Basta! I'm sure that was one of the reasons. No idea but I miss them more than I miss my other band. Maybe because I still see those from my other band in school but still... I prefer the music I make with ViS than ES, I think I established tighter bonds with ViS [esp. Bryan 'cause we share an almost same level of frame of mind though he can be a little twisted] than with ES though I've known them longer. I quitted ViS because got tired of having to go to Dasmarinas every weekend and even after school to practice, my time with them are the darkest days of my college life because I was failing my Math and ComProg, I was having problems with my personal life while I quitted ES because I had to do most of the work that has anything to do with requirements, I was getting tired of the band in general, I got tired of having to wait, I felt like becoming the underdog [which I didn't really feel with ViS]. Don't get me wrong 'cause I enjoy the company of all the people from both bands but they're still different. I can't help but compare 'cause I miss ViS so much. We only had one gig but they're still the best band I ever had and will ever have. This is the 2nd time I quitted ES but this time it's for real. I tend to loathe poeple when they get too close or when I see them more often than I wish to. Sorry, I'm just a female human species trying t express how I feel. Closeness can be the greatest allergen that'll ever hit me. I'm so sorry... As much as I wanted to write more of the comparisons and differences, it just woldn't be fair. I can be a little bias but I love them all! Mwah!

I feel good. Nothing in the world worries me and it had been this way ever since summer classes ended. My spirits are high. I have learned to accept facts and theories that I would usually brood on. I'm not getting any younger and it's about time to grow up. Things just aren't the way they are when I last saw them and all I can do is look on and look up and hope for the best. I don't wanna and just can't say goodbye but I'd definitely love to see everything I used to love and own somewhere down the path where I left them when I get to set foot on the same road again. I hear loudly what my heart cries out for but I know I have to fight against it. It can and surely will wait if they know they are for me. There are just so much that I want today that I will not let myself miss out on them and with that some things will have to be put aside even if they have the same value to me than those I chose to take first.

Seeing yesterday's PI Fast Track Auditions, I'd say RnB has become the standard of singing like an Idol. Darn it! I don't like RnB that much, and if I knew earlier, I would have tried a song of that same genre and could've had a better chance btu anyway it's just a short cut audition, the main audition is still on June 3 and this is only the first Philippine Idol and I can still try until I'm 28. It's more prestigious than Pinoy Pop Superstar but auditioning for PPS is more difficult, not sure if I'd want to try it again [but I still can 'cause I'm not yet 22].

Finally, I uploaded something on my Deviant Art!

ang baho ko!

Today's heck of rad! It felt better than those I had before. I finally absorbed the fact that I'm not the only one making a laughingstock of myself. I forgot to record my ground-breaking performance. hahaha! I didn't make it, so i'll be trying it again somewhere else. Atleast I can SOMEHOW handle my fear now.

I ran into Kong at SM today. He's looking good as ever. He first saw me on the escalator, then I saw him at the foodcourt then I had my cousins to come back up to the second floor to see him. He works there in a stand that sells instrument. We had a little chat and I found out that he and that wicked girl whose name starts with a B aren't together anymore. He has this good aura. He keeps hanging that tag I got from the audition and talking about me to his friend which is good. I've never seen him like that when they were still togetehr or atlest no one stops him now. I used my cousin's junkfood as props. Also I got his number and I'll be texting him when he texts me, and I hope he didn't smell me because I'm afraid my deo wore off due to excessive sweating and I'm afraid a stunk silly. Heck!

Naipit ang daliri ko sa pinto, God forbid that it kills my nail. Whaaaaah! I have a friend with dead thumbnail of the same hand... Wag naman!

They are definitely showing that on tv. Oh, no... THE SHAME!!! But anyway, my friend is planning to try out to... just to trip but guess what? NAUNAHAN KITA! It's impromptu audtioning. Hahaha! I just heard it last night on the radio and went to gather the requirements.

Aras won sole Survivor! Wala lang!

Sobrang gutom ko, sobrang baho ko... Ahoyyy! At wala pa akong tulog!

rainy days

It's still raining...

The Brenda psychic thingy is fake... so what?

My school is sooo telegenic. Haha... Saw it on tv again. That's why I saw that ABS-CBN OB Van infront of the ERH building last week. Like my friend said, it's Anne Curtis and Zanjoe Marudo [stars that ought to be called mga bituing walang ningning, can't really blame them if their stars don't really shine and I just don't like Anne Curtis!]. Man, they love my school but they don't like my schoolmates. For what reason? I don't really know.

I haven't written anything for quite a while, that's because tere isn't much that's happening in my life since summer classes closed. I tried to paint last night but didn't have enough inspiration. There is an output but still lacks sense. Wait, does art need to have sense? Not sure. It just so... inexplicit... vague... plain... lame. Aw!

I'm missing BSBFCP's 2nd Fancon for the same reason as the last one's... I don't know how to go there. But I will join them someday. Someday...

I still haven't left for Lucena and I'm not so psyched about it. Yeah, I'm sick of home and I want to get away but there just isn't so much to look forward to getting there, except maybe for the yearbook that should've already been done with for three years now. I hope I can already get it when I go there. I'm definitely writing about my visit to Lucena and I hope things will be good 'cause my instinct and the things I've been hearing is telling me something... different than what I expect things to be.

Heidi from HF texted me and told me my work was chosen to be in this year's issue of Palad but I'm just not sure which one because don't remember passing anything for Heraldo Filipino. I did make a poem for USC's contest, a poem for HF's writing workshop and a painting for the HF's art workshop. Which one is it? AW! I'll know when I see it. Heck! The suspense is killing me!

It's raining but rain or shine the mosquito feeding frenzy on me doesn't change. I wish I can get rid of those pesky mosquitoes. I hate 'em all but without them, there will be no balance. They kill the weak and they help in preventing overpopulation. Let's just hope I won't be one of the casualties.

Things change and might as well be prepared for... Whatever! I keep on thinking about things but things just won't think of me...

I'm just plain paranoid.

walking in the rain

Last night is like the first time in two months that it rained. I usually woke up in sweat but last night was good. I love the rain. It brings so much memories, mostly or all are happy, if I remember it right. Not that I want to live those days again, it just feels good to look back. I love walking in the rain, coming home from school dripping wet because I don't like bringing an umbrella, running around with friends... Awww! The days... In a few weeks, I'll be needing my blanket once again which will take until the -ber days are over and then BIRTHDAY KO NA ULIT!

Is it just me or time is running fast?

school's out

Just when I'm feeling the "blog rush", electricity zaps out. I would understand if it has taken a few hours but it only took a few seconds and it's back. I had a nice intro about school, SCHOOL'S OFFICIALLY OUT! Ahh.. Nevermind!

Flab is fab... NOT! But really, I learned to accept how I look and feel good about it. I know how to get rid of it but until I earn my own money to support my ventures of vanity, it'll have to wait.

Kamusta na kaya ang highschool yearbook namin? Sana makuha na this May kasi three years na dapat tapos yun. I'm so not guilty of not having helped doing it kasi they should've asked even before the graduation eh di sana it would never have taken that long. Ang dami kasi talagang "magagaling" na... Ewan! Basta!

I had the weirdest dream, not sure if it was last night or the other night, about me being with Dennis Trillo. Heck! I was sitting beside him in a bus for a field trip, then we were talking, then I had my camera phone and we took a picture of us together and somebody else appeared on the picture. There were 2 celebrities inside the bus with us and some models. Next, we were in an auditorium and I was talking to someone and... I forgot what happened next and then I woke up. Weird! I don't remember fantasizing on Dennis Trillo, plus, his chest is hairy! EW! My dreams these past few weeks are really weird because [like I've said in my other posts] they don't make clear sense and they involve the most unexpected people, and they happen at any time of the day. I dream when I take my afternoon nap and my night's sleep or whenever I'm alseep. Weird, weird!

I'm finally taking a vacation in less than two weeks but I have to get the enrolment thingy done. Vacation, finally! Not that I suddenly acquired the love for travelling but these are the days that you just get sick of home and want to go somewhere else. Rotting days are over...

Gerald Santos won PPS! Mabuhay! Though I'd still go for Harry. New kid in the Big Brother House, Brenda. She's psychic and I love her! I love people with strange queerness! I wish I have that kind of powers too...

Okay na ulit kami ng friend ko! Nagparamdam na sya finally! Ahaha! Siguro I'm just overreacting and over manifesting paranoia. Pasensya na, tao lang.

I've been thinking and I tried to think of the last time I really thought of anything that made real sense. When was the last time I wrote something educational, inspirational and I realized that's been a while but actually, I don't care. I just wanna say that. Hahaha! I think using my skills in blogging is good enough and I won't need those skills until I'm actually working or I need it to compete so.. why bother? Hahaha!

Levy time! I am finally getting all the Levy time [read: time for myself] that I need to indulge with my first love, the arts. I love my works! I'm posting them in my Deviant Art page as soon as I have them scanned which will have to wait till June 'cause my priority right now is my vacation. Hahaha! I will be continuing the BCS 31 The Animation that I started last summer. I won't be letting those creatures without any bit of pakisama stop me now. They'll all be slack-jawed, speechless when I'm done. Grrr! I'm painting my pastels on the walls of my room again. Hahaha! I love it! I love it!

I hate poseurs! It's such a shame that they're my cousins. No, I don't hate them I just don't like being close to people with so much pretense. Yeah, it's a girl thing to be vain but you don't have to be babbling about how the guys dig you when it's hardly believable since I've known you since we were kids and lived in in your house for a few years. Oh, come on! One of them, she thinks she's so pretty when in reality, she looks like a gay-sha [geisha, hahaha!] She's over-MAXIPEELED! Imagine this: she's morena from the neck down to her toes and her face is icky white ~so thin like no more skin can be shed from her face to create house dust and her zits and zitmarks are dark because of that. SHe's planning to take glutathione to "tone equally" but seems impossible since I don't think glutathione can affect her genetics and she's been dissing on my other cousin which is only natural because she's been doing that ever since she can speak. And she's, or they've, been using Dawn's beach picture. Heck! I like Dawn not only because she's Red Sunday's friend but because she's really nice, and I don't think anybody will like somebody else using their pictures. She's even trying to be a make up expert and make fun of my other cousin's make-up. Heck with that! We used to be close but she's been corrupted and I condemn not her but her corruptedness and her corruptors. Evil creatures! She/They need serious reality check, personality development [I need this one too], and... BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES, ACCEPT THEIR FLAWS AND LIVE WITH IT!

I got so much more to say but I have to sleep now...

Zzzzz...

news flash

Nagshu-shooting na naman ang ABS-CBN sa DLSU-D. There were rumors that they've banned students from our school to work any kind of work in their network, but they keep coming back. I think it's the third time that they came back to shoot their can-be-ASSUMED topraters. I'm not sure yet who the stars are since I've only seen the OB Vans but I'm peeping tomorrow to check it out. I hope it's not Bea and John Lloyd again and I hope the rumors aren't true because... Ewan. I just hope it isn't.

no worries

I feel better now. finally, he texted. All's good... for now. Thinsg can't stay forever like this. Change is inevitable but until things actually change, there's nothing much to be worried about.

My friend told me not to watch PBB 'cause they're just exploiting the kids but I believe the kids are exploiting them too. They need the exposure and the money that's why they're there. So all's fair.

I wanna shout out loud: MALAPIT NANG MAGBAKASYON! YEEEEEHAAAAAH! If everbody in my Stat class will bring their Final Permit, we will already be having our Final Exams on Friday and then...

*drum rolls* SCHOOL'S OUT!

Just when I'm starting to like the Fred-Nina love story, Nina went out. Well, it's better that she was the first one to go out instead of Olyn. Finally din, Aldred started making tv appearances! I love! Jamilla looked good wearing that Krystala costume which, by the way, looks a lot better than when Juday played the role. Haha! This time, I want Clare and Joaqui out! Out you go, yo! I wanted to live chat with the former housemates but the site's server is busy, Aldred ko! A new housemates is going in tonight, and she's a SHE, hahaha... Bad news is: they rescheduled PBBTE on the same time as Love of the Condor Heroes and now I have to chaneg channel every gap so I can watch both. Hurrr!

Except for that Hypothesis Testing that I cannot get hang of, nothing much is worrying me. Life is more than just, and I love it.

Is Cogie coming back anytime soon? Not sure. I read that he's planning to go back to school, and currently busy with his modelling [thank you for that info, I love!] but I want to see him on tv 'cause it'd be wishful thinking to see him in person.

BSB won BEst Pop Act in MTV Asia Awards, Yehehey!

And the 2nd Pinoy Pop Superstar is... Bukas na lang, I'm still going to watch it.

grieve

Today's horoscope is distressingly relieving. I'm such an astrological freak. The odds of having a horoscope to happen are usually coincidental but... Well, uh, it happens. Anyway, it feels good to hurt inside knowing you can feel, but hurts at the same time knowing not what happens next.

Time has a way and time is all I got.
If my heart should shatter watching you,
That'd be one last thing I have to prove

There has been a change of plans, I'm saving the hair dying for my birthday. This summer, I'm getting a henna tattoo and earrings. The makeover's gotta wait till I feel better about myself.

What about that, I passed my Stat Long Quiz this morning, 26/36. Well, I thought I failed 'cause I missed some how-tos but I still passed. Way to go for me! But still the last lesson about Hypothesis Testing is really hard. I didn't catch a thing the teacher said.

That'd be it for now.

stress level up

I've been stressing and badly needing a vacation! Yahoo! In less than two weeks time, school's out and I have to face other things concerning me and someone I know so well. I can't get over this getting over thingy and it's adding up to my stress. It's gonna be tough but have to get it done, even if it means having to face it alone. Thoughts are running through my head and I can already imagine what is going to happen. Maybe I'm thinking too much but isn't thinking what the mind is made for? I should have control of things, but everything seem to be so out of hand. I'm currently torturing myself by listening to silly, sentimental love songs and so far my desperate attempts of masochism are effective. Naiiyak na 'ko! Somebody save me!!! I kept on asking for signs and here it is, a big billboard dropped down from heaven and hit me hard on the head. There's you're sign! It's my fault, I know but never known it'd come to an end like this. I'm making hypotheses and running tests on what-ifs in my head for preparation. I'm so weak in deciding who I want, and who I don't want in my life. I'm thinking so much of other people and hardly myself. This is fear at it's height; Fear of rejection, humiliation, confusion, and the list goes on. This is great, just great!

I'm planning to get someone to enlist me during the enrolment so I can extend my vacation. I wanna have atleast a week away and I'm already planning the plans on how things are going to go. Even my dramatics, haha! The thought of vacation can't seem to cheer me up. Oh, the pain... it's a lot excruciating than the heat of the scourging summer sun.

Does Jimmy Neutron rock or what? Wala lang, I just love watching teen and toon shows in Nickelodeon and Disney Channel.

Senti pa rin ako...

I pushed you away, now I want you back. *sigh*

I can't lose focus now. The last part of Statistics is harder than the past lessons we had. Ang hirap, nalilito na 'ko!

I'm considering auditioning for PBB. Haha... Funny noh? But I'm serious. Atleast I don't have to sing to join. Haha... Magpapadiscover lang, and just for a laugh. It's not final yet. I'm still looking for someone to go with me. Hahaha... Watch out!

I lost track of the Secret Bible Week shows but I'll definitely catch the re-runs.

I guess that's it. Gotta blast!

bummer

Who cares if everybody's talking 'bout the end of the world? I care! Revelation is unveiling, the world is starting to heal her wounds and I think it's about time. We've been killing her for a long time now. I think a natural disaster is not a disaster at all since it's the Earth's way of restoring the balance that has been lost to human impertinence. We get in nature's way so it's our fault that "harm" is being inflicted on us. And we deserve it. Hail thee, Mother Earth for your ways are just! Haha! I love being Nature Zombified! Hehehe...

My heart is breaking and it's all my fault. It hurts so bad. I thought that was the last time I'm saying goodbye but I'm still holding on. I just want to see you again. I hate you! But it's not you're fault that you've totally forgotten about me and you have no business remembering me though I would have preferred it that you let me know that you're forgetting about me. But then again, I started this whole stupidity and I'm sorry. Goodbye.

I was disappointed 'cause I thought the new housemate is cute. They said he had 25 girlfriends and he's only 17. His name is Joaqui and if he doesn't do taekwondo and he's not black belt, he's not so interesting. Prejudging him, he's over-confident, he's cono [whatever on earth that means] and he's not cute. Grrr! I still prefer Aldred! Wootwoooh! Err, Renan! PBB lang pinapanood ko sa channel 2, hehehe...

There have been an alien invasion last night in our habitat. Hahaha! The house was crowded but only a few left now and it's not like all my relatives came and I was glad there was only a few. It's over now but just imagine one of them is feeding me with lies. Hahaha! She's so... uh! I don't know what to call her. She's so into telling things that people didn't care to know and way unbelieveable. You see, blood is thicker than water but I'm kinda anemic and with all the summer heat, I need a lot of water.

Sssshhh! The winds of change, can you hear it? I don't. I hope to hear it soon 'cause I'm feeling bummer.

I guess that's it for now...