This is one of the few celebrity collages I made in MyHeritage.com. I've tried some of my photos and my brothers' too. So far, this has been the best result I got [look, it's Jang Geum!]. My, my... I am... flattered? Haha.. Who wouldn't be? Look, they're all so pretty! I belong! Bwahahaha! Gotta love the angle! Well, there were 10 celebrities but I chose the prettiest and I counted out the two other including Imelda Marcos. Yes, She was part of this set's result. Haha! But I've seen pictures of her from her younger years, I must say she is pretty but her prettiness had pretty much gone to her head and... [I'd like to thank myself for my hair and make-up and my closet for my outfit, you won't see me looking like that everyday... SUGOI! ]

So I had my first meeting today as an official Graphics Apprentice today. The office is so warm and cozy. They happen to be nice, friendly people after all [they don't bite, hehehe]. The KOWAI aura of the panel interview was gone. It was nothing like being with my new blockmates. Those ITs give away their real personalities without having to speak. To cut the story short, they're cold. I dunno want to end up badmouthing them, insignificant that they are for me, so I'll leave them be. Bwahaha! Maximum tolerance. I was told that I can start hanging out in the office but I just don't want to go there by myself, alone. The place is too warm [not hot >_<] it could get lonely. I know myself very well and I know how I easily get lonely. By the way the Literary editor gave me my first assignment [I am 3/4 Graphics and 1/4 Literary Apprentice, yeahehey!].

Even my friends can tell that I've been having a hard time. I went to our kubo/tambayan/booth yesterday afternoon after class looking... I dunno how I looked like but my friend knew something was wrong. My blood has reached boiling point, my brain became molten lava and I was ready to explode. No kidding. I wish it was something I could laugh at but looking like that kind of fool isn't my kind of humor. I am not built for programming, I cannot even create a single simple program, I take jokes about that weakness personally, you have no idea what kind of hell I have to go through during my programming subjects. A little more and I could explode. It's torture but I have to hold still for a while. I just need to pass or I'll be kicked out of HF before I can even say "Junior Staff". F***!!!

I was shocked when Andrew told me what happened to Chris Benoit and his family. It's been a while since I last watched wrestling and never had news since I don't read my WWE newsletter anymore. Apparently, he committed suicide after killing his wife and child. They are dead but I don't believe he could do such thing. I don't know the man but I believe his innocence and it's not clear yet why he did it. To Chris and his family, I know God is always with you wherever you are, † May you all rest in peace †

Yay, Jet Li's in the country! Heehee...

There's no stopping now; I'm applying for DMS and auditioning for LPB, got my forms already. Oh yeah! Adik-an na 'to! Bwahaha! Oh, and ILSFA too, though I haven't really paid my membership fee yet. Hehehe! Can't stop my Rock! Yosh!

Awww.. The guys [my tropa, the boys] are planning to go to Puerto Galera at the end of the month [July]. I want to go too but I have no money [O, hindeee!]. I just need P2500 and we'll be spending 3 days if I ever get to join them but... Where will I get that kind of money? Asar! My daily allowance is only P150, and I spend P50 for the fare back and forth, which leaves me with P100 and how on earth am I going to produce that sum in time for the trip. I've never been to Mindoro and Puerto Galera and I've been wanting to go out of town since summer. Nakakaiyak naman! *sigh* PAUUUTAAAAANG!!!

Alright, the Genshiken family is growing. Woohoo! Love it! I'm enjoying their company more and more and I get too attached I find it hard to leave. I have no plans of leaving but I love them so much that I can't seem to want to go somewhere else other than where they are. I go to class for a while, my mind flies to the time when I'll be hanging out with them again. Every moment not spent with them is like a class missed, a meal skipped, and a Friendster invitation rejected. Haha.. Ahlavet, don'tcha?

Man, am I busy or what? Or what? Hahaha..


master!
             apprentice!
                                heartborne!
                                                    7th seeker!
                                                                        warrior!
                                                                                      disciple!
                                                                                                    in me, the wishmaster!
                                                                                                                                            --fantasmic, nightwish

A GRRREATO Burrrning Day!

KOWAI!!! It was very unnerving, [First meeting: scary!] I can't think straight. This aftertoon's panel interview was more like an interrogation than an interview. My friend said the interviewers would burn/cook me alive but what happened was that they didn't even bother to light a fire and start the burning... They ate me alive! Hehe, kidding. But really, I was dazed, too nervous to speak and answer all of the questions, one after the other, thrown at me. It felt like blood was rushing into brain and about to make my head explode. I don't think I have any chance. Good thing, after the interview I saw my Genshi-friends [Greg, Dan, Jason, Scott, Alain, Ryan, Jerome and Norman] at the CSO office and went to hang out in there for a while. I was so happy to see those faces. My stress-level went down a little but my head is already aching the moment I went out of the HF office but it was only then that I was able to breathe. I didn't stay long with the guys at CSO because it was hot in there that aggravated [whoa.. strong word, hehe...] my headache plus I didn't get enough sleep since I have to wake up early for the interview [and I was very sleepy] and I was the last one to be interviewed [I patiently sat at the recieving area for hours]. The waiting isn't really that bad since I had some new people to talk to, and make friends with and saw another friend [Paul] on my way going out of school. A'right! So I got home by 5pm. I went to whip up something to eat and went on to watch Honey and Clover. I went to check my cellphone and got the good news: I GOT IN! [Uhh.. Somehow?] Banzai! It was worth all the scare, the nervousness I got from the panel interview. Despite the blunders I circumstancially committed, I still got in. Wooooo! Gambare masu! And, oh, I think my new friends ["social circle" "extended network" hehe..] passed too: Shaira, Patrick, John Paul and that freshman from HUB that Shaira named "Pinkee" because he was wearing pink. We're having our orientation Wednesday this coming week. Oh, can't wait. But I don't think I'll be telling anyone else except those that already know, let them discover for themselves. It's not like I did a  very good job anyway, or atleast not... Uhh... Nevermind.

Woohoo! Honey and Clover is KAWAII!

What's left to be worried about? Not to fail any of my subjects. I have another programming subject,  VB.net and  I still haven't taken the one that I failed, which is VB [and Physics 2]. Next up... My application for DMS and LPB and ILSFA. I know how expensive it is to be a mountaineer but I really [hounto ni, hounto ni] really want to climb a mountain for atleast once in my life. So I will do my best to be part of DMS. I said I want to prove something that's why I want to join the Pop Band right? I stand by my word and I'm not changing it. About ILSFA, I think I'm having second thoughts. Oh, and our thesis, and my birthday... Man, why did I ever tell my friends to come over? I want to back out! Hahaha.. Too many expenses without really having any money at hand. Yeah, my CosPlay too. What the- My head is swirling! I, so suddenly, want to back out on everything I work for, everything I want  to work for, and things that are waiting for me to work on. I don't understand what's happening to me.  This must be  one of my usual Fight or Flight situations. Demons inside my head with sirens' voices, they're... I don't know... But... I can't make them stop...

I'll be alright... Maybe... When I wake up tomorrow... And as long as I have something, anything, anybody to hold on to... I'll be fine... I should be happy but I can feel something within me is breaking apart... Can't wait to be with my friends again... My BCS friends... My Genshiken friends... My former bandmates... My new friends... This year can possibly the last year they'll ever find me in good condition... All this time, I feel like I've only been delaying a nervous/mental breakdown and if I can't any longer I just might have to apologize to everyone and say goodbye... And don't be stupid, I'm not and never will be suicidal... Don't ever take me for an idiot like that... I'm just burning out... But I'm still fighting.. Sorry for the sudden mood change... And the ellipses, hehe...

Dear God, I know The Dolphin is watching over me while you're watching him. Thank him for me. I know someway, somehow you had him help me today. I'm really thankful and happy, di lang halata hehehe. He's done so much for me without him knowing it, and the others who have helped me in their own ways too, you know who they are. I know you're watching over them too. Please always keep them safe. I don't know what will happen to me without them. I'm keeping my promise, that one I'll write in his memory. Give me anough strength too so I could keep fighting for my sanity. You know very well how close I am to losing it. I think too much. Help me to trust others so I don't have to endure this ordeal alone. And please make HIM realize how I feel. Amen.

Yay, my first blog prayer. Hehe.. Oyasuminasai, minna-san!

[PS: Kowai = Scary while Kawaii = Cute]

Autumn in my Heart

There's no way to stop what comes falling.

It maybe so, like how I could see myself falling, how I feel my soul falling apart and how I could hear the rain falling inside my heart.. But can't they really be stopped?



I could see myself falling... It's nothing new. I'm trying my best to get as close as I can get to him. I've only known him for a few months but I'm sure, I know and I believe that I really, really like him [though I still like Shiawase too]. I have this friend who likes him too and I'm starting to get jealous. I can see what she's been doing to draw him near and I'm afraid I will have to hate her if they end up together [She tries to look cute, friendly and innocent, and when the guy's into him she'll play it safe. I think that's how she does it and I find it dirty. Grrr!]. I'm falling, but I can't really say that I've fallen. I wanted to tell him [and I don't have anything against girls, like myself, being the first one to confess] but I'm scared. I can't read through him and I don't want to assume things unless he tells me the things I need to hear, be it good or bad. Rejection comes fast and easy but it leaves scars in the heart and stays there for a lifetime; No matter how friendship covers up the slightest traces, the hurt will still get you once in a while. I should know, I've been on that road before and it took me a while before I can free myself, take off and fly again.

I feel my soul falling apart... Graduation Day has been getting into my head too much. I've been emotionally strained about this since classes started. I've stayed in college for more than I should have. If I don't make it to the March 2008 Graduation and have to stay in college for the same course because I failed [I don't really mind staying longer if I'll be there for another course or maybe taking my Major] I may have to force my family to send me into a mental institution. Most people think it's just a matter of not working hard enough or not taking studies seriously, they think the expression "nosebleed" is just a funny expression, and do not understand how it feels to exceed your limit and almost die from stroke from it [F*** Programming! F***, Physics and the Mathematics that goes with it! F*** those teachers that always say, "You are expected to be /should be good at this and that because you're already on your 4th year or because they are good at it too]. Right now, I feel like standing at the edge of cliff with a bottomless pit below it [just like when Light felt like he's losing to L, imagines himself jumping off from a high platform to his death but stops in midair]. Right. That's it, I've already fallen off the edge and now I'm stuck in midair. I'm being sucked down the nothingness of the bottomless pit but something kept me floating. A part of me wants to stay fighting to keep myself together while the other just wants to give it up. My spirit particles are disintegrating, hehehe...

I could hear the rain falling inside my heart... Loneliness, sadness, uncertainty, doubts, jealousy, loathe. They're raining inside of me. I wanted to love but I keep fighting against the very thing that my heart cries out for. I don't understand myself right now.

By the way, I'm watching this cute anime right now, Honey and Clover. It's too kawaii, it's lovesickening! Awww.. *Clenches fist close to cheeks and goes googley-eyed*

Yay, the panel interview's tomorrow! I can't be late. I want this so bad, [why? refer to.. Blah!]! You have no idea. I'll pray hard so I can make it and do my best to be honest, sincere, and be whatever to convince those panelists that they should have me. But if I don't, I wouldn't feel so bad because I've made my resolve: If I get in, I will never fail to do what I'm supposed to do, if I don't I will never stop. i will join every contest I can join [like I always do] and keep doing what I love and doing what I do best. I can feel a good year coming ahead of me, it's the start of something new and it feels so right [so Highschool Musical, hehe]. And, oh, Love... Ah! It's in the air, can't you smell it? *sniff sniff*

GAMBARE MASU!

Back from the grave

TADAIMA!

It's about time this blog rise from the dead. It's been a while, hasn't it? I feels like Akasha being brought back to life. It's not like I died or anything but I used to love this site better than I love my Multiply. Awww.. Man, that's so gay! Hahaha. Anyway, I'm officially back to Blogger and I'll be keeping this as alive as my Multiply. That'd be it for now, see you in my next post!

JAA!