One year and counting...

Hey, bloggy! It's your birthday! I'll be blogging 'cause it's your birthday! Hehe... Happy 1st birthday to my blog! He may not always make sense but he's been my bestfriend this past year. Yup, yup! This blog is a male though I still don't have a name for him. And I'm planning to give him a total makeover but not now. Maybe after this semester and before summer classes begin. Happy birthday!

Crushmates are everywhere and I'm loving it. There's this guy from our economics class that I really, really like. Nope, he's not the chinito, Rafael Paterno III but I like him too. The guy I'm talking about has been missing class for quite a while now and when I saw him this morning and he's got a broken arm. I got to talk to him but I didn't get his name. Well, I didn't bother to ask. He looks a lot like Sir Greg that's why I like him and he's really nice. I'm so looking forward to being friends. This is so rad! There's so much wonderful thigns around and I like the fact that I'm liking them. I wish I can have a chance to get his name before the semester ends.

I like you! I like you!

That song keeps playing in my head. Haha! It's not Starstruck mania, maybe partly, but it's mainly appreciating the beautiful things around me. Those boys are beautiful and I like them. Awww...

I'm taking AJ's word. They are doing solo stuffs but they'll be back and it's not gonna wait another 5 years. I'll pray for another Manila tour, looking forward to attending their Soundcheck party, asking for autographs, taking pictures with the guys... I can't wait.

I had fun with the girls today and it seemed like years when I last had moments with my girl friends. We went to the library today for Economics. We sat there, went to some books with loads of pictures and just laughed our hearts out. Haha... I'm gonna miss this people when they graduate next year. I may feel forgotten but I will never forget them, and I'll be missing those moments. Imagine how much we've been through in three years, we were together, drifted apart and back again. Bamboos bend with strong winds but does not break but stand their ground, and I think this is what this extraordinary friendship is all about. I've been with the boys for the last two years and I almost forgot how it was to have female friends. Forgiveness just does it. How could it be now if i never learned such virtue? It's not that hard really but it's still harder to forgive yourself but that's just not the point, I just wanted to say that.

The boys got me now into a new game called Freestyle from Level-Up Games. I'm not really into Basketball PC Games but playing with them makes it all good though you can't avoid being weakling. It takes me time to learn the games I play before I can be good with them though I'm still working on my DotA, I suck big time! Though I am proud that I do not really spill the first blood. I like playing PC games though I don't really become good at them. It's not gonna feed me in the future anyway, but some people make a good living out of their expertise in playing. Well, not all things go the same way for everyone... UNDERDOG! Hehe...

I feel so good about being sober. I've already forgotten the last time that I cried out of hurt. I do get teary-eyed with some stuff but I'm good. I get angry, I experience an array of emotions every now and then but I'm just so back to my worry-free self, I'm fatter but I'm so me. I'm so alive. Guess who saved me from being HUMAN. I'm not superhuman, I'm not a god, I'm neither an angel nor devil, but I'm Levy. I mean, when you're growing up, you go through things that inevitably changes something about you or even affecting the whole you and you find it hard to distinguish the real you and the person that the world's trying to change... Those stuffs. I know who to thank for this: faith, BSB, Cogie, crushmates, my friends, the family and... everything in my small, but beautiful world. I love y'all!

I guess that'd be it for now. I know I'll be having a good night's sleep tonight and I hope you do too. I'm considering treating my eyes again with cucumber slices tonight like the other night. I woke up feeling beautiful, hehe... I just like to thank those who's been reading my journal, you make me feel loved. You do not let your presence be known but just seeing the number of visitors through my StatCounter, I'm thankful. I'm not a celebrity, maybe that's why people don't bother to comment except for some people I know, but I feel special. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you all and Goodnight!

All I Need...

I just love the way he prays, the way he does the sign of the cross brings me close to heaven. I've been staring at him from the corner of my eye and I can't even remember a thing our professor said though I really am getting good at multitasking (read: stealing glances and listening to the lecture at the same time). I can't help but dream that he's immitating the way I sit or maybe it's me immitating him. The school year is almost at its end and I still haven't got the chance to talk to him though I do manage to ask him to hand me or pass something when our papers are being given out. I know if we're meant to know each other, we'll eventually get to. Only a few weeks left but it's only now that I'm starting to talk to my other classmates. there's no problem with my blockmates since we'll be hanging out together for the next two years but being irregular on some of my subjects, especially that one with R.C.'s class... How in the world will I ever get to talk to him? By the way, R.C. is not Ramon Carlo, because if he ever thinks that I was talking about him... Oh, my! I can already imagine his narcissistic reaction. Yeah, he's cute but not my type not when I've known him since highschool. I just have to leave my hopes to prayers and destiny. Awww...

I like you!

My heart thumping with the drums, a childhood dream happening right infront of my eyes... I can still clearly remember everything. Cellphone lights shone like stars in the night, burning bright for BSB. Of all those stars, their eyes shone the brightest. I heard voices from heaven and they are talking to me through their songs... And CUT! End of dream sequence. Hehehe... Isn't it wonderful, having to wait for something for half of your lifetime and so suddenly having it right infront of you. I was born for it, I believe. As David Pomeranz sang in a song, "It's as if the powers of the universe, conspired to make you mine...". Imagine having spent nights crying a week or two before the concert because of fear that I may not see it since I only got Php1000 at that time. It was well-planned but some things just didn't work out adn finding yourself stressed out with thinking of how or where you'll get the money for it? If you'll have the interest of digging into my archives for post from November, when I heard of the upcoming concert, till a week before the big day, I'll tell you: I was desperate like hell! I was brooding like a kid who wants a Barbie Doll but can't actually have it. Thank God, thank God! *Throws kisses to heaven* This must be what a certain bible passage promised, something like: Ask anything in prayer and you'll get it. Well, it's definitely not the exact words but it said something like that and I forgot which apostle wrote it but still I'm blessed and grateful and it's definitely worth the sacrifices I'm making right now and it's really hard. Really hard for me being, at some point, extravagant and binge-loving.

Having mentioned the song Born for You, there is this line I love: What is the chance in heaven that you'll find your way to me. It kinda fits the way I feel about Alex (bSb), Cogie and... check the first paragraph of this post. Hehe...

It was written in the stars... Awww! That is very Romeo and Juliet, and I just love it!

I bought something for someone special. It's nothing expensive but I know he's appreciate it. We are in a lot better condition now than we ever where some years back. I got 2 for the two of us. But it'll have to wait till May 'cause only then will I see him. I'm just happier now that no one can stop me now from being close friends with someone who's been a special part of my life. DABAX!

I'm feeling better everyday. I've always been self-centered and I think it's not to bad like in my case right now that I'm trying to put my pride back together, trying to build my self-esteem and trying to improve my self image. Life is lighter now that aside from school work, I won't have to think of most things that doesn't really concern me. Look at me now, and I can tell you I can kiss my self in the mirror again, just like before. I'm just loving life and living love and living life with love. Haha! I'm losing my sense of sense once again but I suppose you can tell I'm happy. Heehee...

Wish you all a good night's sleep, thank you for wasting time reading my thoughts...

KISSES!!!

Dreamy

It would have rocked my world to see RAW Live, but I'm still happy to have managed stealing pictures from those who came to see it and watched some videos uploaded in YouTube. I know I said I won't use it again but what I meant was I'm not going to use my account there again though I visit every now and then to see some vids I feel like watching. When will I see my Edge or my Jericho? Someday, maybe...

I didn't get to see Starstruck because of all this "national chaos". I hate it but I already have my own Final Four and I'm sure Iwa and Marky made it. Maybe they've shown Starstruck but I can blame it to having watched Shrek 2 on HBO. I didn't get to see it on cinema so I made it a point to watch it tonight, I even set it as an appointment in my phone's organizer. I love it! Awww...

Almost done with my school works, Jaivee keeps bugging me on making him a testimonial, I'm sure I'm gonna get annoyed again tomorrow on Sociology, and I'm almost done with my debts, I will give Iam and Jerome no choice but pay for our Economics projects since I'm the only one working on it or if they won't cooperate with my demands I'll have to eliminate them from my "business organization", 3 more weeks and it'll be over! Atlast!

I could only imagine seeing RVD do the Frog Splash, Triple H do that mouth spray, Ric Flair say, "Whooooo!", chant with the crowd, see Carlito spit bits of apple... Awww... So much I've wanted to see but I guess I have to wait till they come back or when I'll be taken abroad to see them. Man, Mick brought the ever-stinky Mr. Socko. Well, I can be on track through the WWE PEx thread and reading through, I can tell the show was well-staged. Oh, man!

After this school year closes I'll have all the time in the world to spoil myself and I won't take chances on missing out on things. I'll be ready. After all these, (Hey, Spongebob, say it with me!) I'M READY!!!

Yay! They are currently showing So Happy Together in CinemaOne and my awaited scene already came. It's Cogie's part! He played Oliver, a technician and lover of the gay Osmond (Eric Quizon). Awww... Makes me long for something I never had and haven't even met. I love you, Cogie. He doesn't know I exist but I'm not losing hope on meeting him someday. Awww... Kissy! Mwah, Cogs!

Pissed post

Oops! Edit ulit! Haaay, typos and grammatic error are everywhere! What's wrong with me? Check the whole entry again for more errors then tell me...

.......... Awww... I won't get to see the WWE Raw Live Tour in Manila. No Edge for me. *sigh* Tonight is the night but I'm going to miss it. I just hope they come back. I've read there was a rude reporter during the presscon that irked them, like that in Australia when BSB had their press. They are humiliating the country but I don't think that stupid reporter, whoever that was, knows what he just did or maybe did it intentionally. Haaay, I dunno what to say!

I had fun today. We went to GMA for an interview with a DBA. It's my first time to be with Erika, Lanvin, Pol, and Mark though they are my new blockmates but I enjoyed it. I had a dose of second-hand smoke because two of my companions smoked but I guess it won't hurt to get smoked at sometimes though I don't have a day at the house without it because my dad smokes and now I'm suffering from colds. Nice?

I'll be back when I remember what to post. Hehehe... BRB!

..........

Proclamation 1017 : State of National Emergency. The congress should ratify before the president can declare this but I don't remember hearing anything on the news that the congress agreed with any of this. Now, they raided and took over the printing office of Daily Tribune for writing stuffs that "incites sedition and rebellion, and aim to destabilize the government". In my opinion and every press people's point of view, this is Suppression of the Freedom of the Press. They say it is like Martial Law. Malacanang even denies having raided the publication and even threatening all media publications and stations to be fair or the government will use it's power to do whatever that is they are gonna do. I can't believe this. The government has been protecting Gloria long enough and keeping mouths shut from teling the truth. Arresting who they think is a threat to stability... I do not understand a thing! It's a good thing I live a bit far away from Manila that I do not feel the effect but just look at this: this seems to be just some diversion for declaring Martial Law. Why would you disperse people when they are just peacefully practicing their right to assemble? They've been rallying during EDSA Day for 19 years and now they're on their 20th, why stop them? She, they are afraid. The people can tell. Why would you deploy policemen clothed as a normal civilian to infiltrate the crowd and cause a commotion? They need to have a reason to stop the people from taking power away from the unrighteous. Gloria have been holding her seat for too long now, too many crimes are being committed under the name of presidency and the government have been constantly lying to the people of the Philippines? She should've been ousted long ago, she has already betrayed the people's trust and the low rating and rallies here and there are enough to impeach her. I have no idea how she could have held on to her power that long? Her controversies are still unanswered and she knows she has a lot to pay for, could she even sleep well at night? I do not have answers for these, I just want new people to govern my nation and not RULE, serve and not be served. I may not make sense but I think this is just pure bullsh*t! OUST 'EM ALL!

Anyway, I saw this cute guy from Bitoy's Funniest Video. It was this Taxi portion of the show. He said he's the nephew of Freddie Aguilar and he's in a band. I didn't get his name but he's really cute. He loves RPGs and... heck! I like him! His fave expression, seems to be, "Nice move!". Aaawww! He has a band abroad but if he'll ever get into Philippine Showbiz, I'll be his number one fan! He'll be second to Cogie on my list and third to BSB. Hehehe!

No matter how happy we get in our own lives today, we cannot change the country's situation. What can I do to help? Give an infectious smile to make it better? That won't be enough? Revolt? I'm not sure if that's the answer. What is? Dunno. Pinoys removed two presidents from position and that may be do it again, I just hope the Armed Forces make their move now. They are one of the very few things that's keeping Evil in power. LET'S PLOT OUT A COUP D'ETAT! Impeachment won't work 'cause it didn't even run. Forcibly grab power, assassinate the president, burn the Palace down, drop them bombs, kill them all... If that what it takes to end it all! *God forgive me for my destructive thoughts*

† May eternal light shine upon the souls of those who died in the Leyte Mudslide. †

The BCS peopz are having a their traditional outing. As much as I've wanted to come and join the fun, I have no money, *sigh* LIBRE N'YO 'KO! I hope I have money when that time so I can come. I had fun the last time and after next school year, I won't be hanging out with them anymore 'cause they'll have graduated then. Aaawww...

He finally remembered not to forget. Damn! He said he misses me but... the hell! It feels good but I just hope he does not misinterpret everything that's been happening. We're friends and that'd be all that we will be, nothing more nothing less. Thanks anyway!

Last na lang! Bryan, my former bandmate and keyboardist, sent me this message in Friendster. It's in English and it kinda makes no sense. Praning na naman ata si Bryan!? Haay, hehehe... Atleast he didn't forget about me...

Paris, the Dummy! Haha...

I was taking this survey at Tickle.com called Answer If You Dare when I came across the question: Who is the dumbest? The choices are a. Paris Hilton, b. *I forgot this one*, c. Anna Nicole Smith. That was just so sick, it made me laugh. Who in the world doesn't know how dumb PH is. Haha! Good for her, she deserves it.

I've still in a struggle fighting against laziness but I did manage to attend my first class this morning and if I may say, is the lousiest class I ever took this semester. I don't remember a thing he said, I was thinking of what I should eat during the break and couldn't care less about listening. Hw's so much into this blah-blah, I felt like watching a fish in an aquarium. I started the sem looking forward to learning about the subject but definitely end up despising it. If we get to please him with our presentation about Family Planning, I'll be in so much relief that I don't have to take the Final exam in his subject anymore. Getting to class is the first hell you get to experience in the morning but more hell is unleashed just the thought of enduring the nausea of just being there but the airconditioned classroom somehow lessens the aversion. Just two more weeks, two more exhausting weeks and it'll be over and done with. I won't have to deal with him anymore and I hope that'll be the last that I will see of him.

Manila, once again, is in chaos. The WWE Raw Live Tour Manila is scheduled to begin this afternoon and the battles are supposed to happen tomorrow but political instability threatens to postpone this momentuous event. The Show's gonna happen without me. Thank God it didn't happen before the Never Gone Tour because I'd definitely hate being in the Philippines. The WWE Superstars came last night but I didn't get to see them on the news but hopefully it'll be shown tonight. I really want to be there to see it but I had to make a choice: I may choose not to have watched the BSB Concert with Patron Seat Tickets and go General Admission and Go Patron during the Raw Tour but I love BSB more than I love WWE. I wanted to see Edge wrestle live but I have no more money, what's so new about that? Vivienne wanted to go too but she won't be and she did regret not going to the concert with her cousins. Haay, there still is a next time and when that next time comes, i'll be so much ready. I'm not getting any younger, I'm almost 20, and I have 10 times more freedom than I had some seven years ago and I can't afford missing out on things that could make me enjoy being young. Youth should give us the sweetest memories of life and if I'd keep myself just locked up in my own world, I'd be doomed to eternal regret. I don't get to have everything I want instantly when i want it but I'm sure that I'm happier than most people my aga and most people I know who gets to be spoiled. I wanna keep that till I'm old. I don't wanna be a victim of unwanted circumstances and Kill-Joy people. Rawks, eh? Yeah!

Lovelife. Lovelife. I think I'm fallin'... Yeah! Hehe... He's the freshman I was talking about. I think he's a year or two younger than I am. He's quiet and he's cute. Too bad, the aisle stands between us. Hehe... Same row but the distance is a seat apart. I can't even talk to him and I hardly steal a glance in class. I have two classes with him. In my sit-in subject Computer Organization, he sits at the second row at the back so i can't see him 'cause I'm at the first row and in my real subject Data Structures, he's at the same row but seems too far, I can't even talk to him though I get to check his paper during quizzes. I had a chance to get as close as I can get when they had a laboratory experiment, an inch away, baby! Aaaahh! During class, I do try some side glances and at the corner of my eye I try to check out what he's doing. I even pretend to see him looking at me. Grrr! I really lie him but not sure if he does, or if he'll ever like me, or if there's even a chance of talking to him. During LAB, I did try taking his picture but it's just so hard to get a good angle without looking straight into the person. This afternoon, I started scribbling his name on paper. That is the sign of mania, I'm getting hooked. Aaaahh! I like you! I like you! Not sure if he's got a girlfriend but I still like him. Can I say his name? Awww... I like you, Rey Crawford! Waaahh!

Where is Cogie? Where is Cogie? I dunno! I dunno! I love that guy, hope he comes back soon on Primetime TV... Miss you!

School election is up next week! I'm voting SINAG straight again this year! Go, SINAG!

By the way, FRIENDSTER RADIO is ASTIG!!!

Kewl, rawk, and rawr!

KEWL!!! I'm finally catching up and slowly absorbing back every sense of sense I've lost. Back on track with school, must've had a lot of time to breathe deeply and take in some fresh air. I can say my head's working once again. Not quite well as before but atleast it's functioning.

I am, as I write, studying how to sing like Bayang Barrios. I'm listening to Ivo repeatedly and maybe I'll get the hang of it or maybe like a parrot bird, I'd learn the style. It's giving me headaches and my breathing is cut short. I'm just so hooked with Ethnic music right now. I wanna do Ethnic/ Tribal for a change. I remember Vince telling me his brother wants me in their group last year, not sure if it's still gonna happen, hope so. I do one of my Conciertos inside my room, singing to something which sounded like a native African chant and I'm loving it. No lyrics, just syllables, sounds and the whole humming thing... Awww! It just sound so wild, magical and enchanting... Ay, Heaven! Makes me feel like Elyza Thornberry and revives my connection with nature. And I do practice some bad ass Rock 'n' Rolling at night, head banging and stuff... RAWKS!!!

Here goes the blah-blah, again. I cannot remember how many people have already asked why I quitted the band but Jobert is the latest. They think it's a waste but what do they know? Nothing. They know nothing about the psychological phase (I'm not deranged, I'm not actually having some nervous breakdown, just a little disarrayed but certainly, this will pass) I'm going through right now and I can't tell anyone. I'm in one point of my life that I have to face alone, fight inner demons that's been keeping me weak, stopping me from giving my best on the things that I do best (see? how can you not give your best on something you do best?). I'm so easily affected by a lot of things, and though I may be good at keeping what I really feel, concealment always has a time limit and you can't expect me to just blurt everything out and feel good about such way of release. Repressed emotions are so hard to keep no matter how repressed they are. I just have to pick myself back up together and do it all again. All the shame and humiliation (this is the most appropriate word I can find) of the past years (some were already lost but they keep coming back and overlapping the new ones and become too hard to contain) just broke me into shards and I need time to fix my brokenness. I lost my pride to losers. They tried their best to keep me down and somehow they've succeeded. No matter what soul-boosting words I get from my friends, I just can't convince myself to get back on my feet and kick some ass again. And last year was the hardest year, in the sense of achievements, I've ever had since I went to college. Plus, people are making me feel bad about my weight and figure. How do you face that? I don't know, I just hope I get well before the Summer ends. I want to go to school next sem, recharged. Free of negativities, liking my self better, more confident and be as wild and free like the creatures of Africa.

Born wild, built for the kill, once again.

RAWR!!!

Straight thinking

I knew it! I knew it! Cogie didn't leave at all. He's just "in hiding". I wanna see him because I read that he's been building his body and changes are already visible. I wish I can see him in person. I already have connections but they just can't help me. Now I have a problem. The PC is not reading my old diskettes and it has my oldest Cogie collection. I've kept them since I was in highschool. I just want to tranfer them, nevermind the diskette. I'm not sure if the problem is the floppy disk drive because it said: A:\ is not accessible. No ID address mark was found on the floppy disk. Or is it the old diskettes. Aw! No, please! Heaven forbid it.

Again, I saw alot of cutenesses today. Aaawweeee!

Nothing much to share but being so fed up with school work, I just wanna rest, but something makes me stay. Must be shame, must be will, must be something else but I really deserve a rest. A lot to do but when I find time, I just can't think of where to start. I end up doing nothing. I've heard myself say that line before. I'm just... exhausted but not really.

Alert : There was no intruder. Wahaha! Thank God.

I'm afraid I'm going to miss the BSBFCP Grand Launch. I still have no money for that. I still have debts to settle, school projects to throw money on to... Man! Sucks but I have to deal with it first before anything else. I just have to set my mind to work and to save. I just feel lazy, too lazy to get anything done. Lazy me, uh oh!

I got my sign. Remember the one-week deadline I set on my last post? Well, I got a missed call from him last Sunday. I was thinking last night what might he up to. I came to conclude that I've shrank from Love of his life to nothing more than just a side dish. Haha... I'm just not used to not having him behind my back. I'm not possessive, just wanna feel secure that I'd still have him though not really mine. My emotions are really messed up right now. Thoughts of summer vacation is so intoxicating that I want to have it this early but I still have a room to clean, five subjects to pass, lies to keep (I love this one!)... I can't even organize the thoughts I'm writing. Blah-blah, I hope I'm giving you a sense of sense.

I have once again escaped and saved myself from unrighteous anger. Stealth has always been the answer! I don't wanna do things for other people anymore, I've been missing a lot for myself. I can't even find time to do what I love doing but I do find time for sleep.

Same things all over again, lost faith in people. I know who's been lying, I seem to see through pretentions, I doubt people's intentions... A bit vague but I do know what I'm talking about. Like the rest of them, I'm pretending to like what's happening, I try my best to elude every unlikeable circumstances in my way... Blah-blah! What am I saying?

Still can't think straight.

By the way, I'm considering a new layout for my blog. I'm just too lazy to get started.

Dream on

I intentionally missed my first class in the morning but I did not intend to have a stomache ache. Rice porridge and a bottle of Powerade happens to be not a good combination for breakfast. Well, it served me well though. I used it as an excuse to skip class. That class ruined my morning last Friday. I was tired walking from Gate 3 to the basement of CBA then when I stepped in, there was a substitute teacher leading a morning exercise, breathing exercises. I was disgusted! I didn't got there to exercise and if you think walking a few meters to get there is tiring, the more it is to endure such lame class. Also, I don't feel like attending and get annoyed by other people's unwanted suggestions, comments or whatsoever and I haven't done yet what was asked of me since I don't feel like doing so. Heck!

Anyway, after breakfast I changed to my uniform and went back to sleep. Like an hour or so, and guess what. I dreamt of kissing Brian. Nyaaah! Right, Brian of BSB. Then I remembered, today's his birthday and exactly one month when I first saw them. Maybe I should count the days until they come back again.

And, oh, Happy birthday, Brian! I was happy not to have seen the lame interview the MYX VJs gave. Sorry but describing things as lame is becoming a habit since that is how they appear in my eyes. I was pretending to interview them while I was on my way to school today. Of course, only in my head. I've seen a lot of their interviews since they were officially back and they were being asked the same questions, Wudda?! Well, except for those wacky shows where they get to "play".

There seemed to be a lot of cute guys everywhere today. First was this guy inside the jeep who's a schoolmate. I wish I got his name but he covered his ID well when he got down. He must've known I was looking at him through the mirror opposite where we sat. I only got the initials R.B. and of course his photographic facial details in my mind just in case I see him again. I must be dreaming too much but I think he gently kicked my foot to maybe get my attention, I don't know. We sat so close together, I can imagine him intentionally rubbing his arms to mine. Man, he's so cute that I can't help but consciously daydream. Then my crushmate, err, classmate in Data Structures. He's a freshman but who cares, I still like him. He sits at the exact opposite of where I sit at the other side of the room. I'm on the left and he's on the right. I can't help but pretend to see him steal glances of me from the corner of his eyes. Asa ka, Levy! Hahaha... I love it! I love it! Then, this cute guy from Friendster who sent me a message that says, Cute mo ah! Yihee! Flirty me, I replied, Naman! Nagba-blush na ko!. Ahaha! *Covers face with a fan and eyelashes battling* Weee! He used to be my playmate in Gunbound. Then the Florida guys who sent me winks and messages in GothicMatch also replied. Awweee! I feel really cute that someone far away from where I am appreciates me even if it was only a picture. Oh, me likey! This crush thing is making me look like a nerd but I love it!

My cousins are coming today, I just hope they aren't bringing strangers with them. I don't want to share my habitat with a lot alien creatures. It alters the Ecosystem. The autistic in me finds new faces disturbing and the animal in me finds new scents aggravating. And you don't want be disturbed and aggravated. My tolerance is as short as a lion's and my territorial instinct doesn't need scent marks to be triggered. Haha! Freaky? You oughta be freaked out 'cause I mean it... Haha! Ayos ba?

Lazy day, lazy me...

Look here

It's sad to see people fall apart not because they've ran out of love but they have to be taken away from each other to seek better grazing grounds. I was witness to this sad event last night. Last night will be their last kiss, last embrace or atleast for now. They aren't my friends but I think I felt their pain. There will be no certainty to this kind of love story. It has nothing to do with me but it hurts when you know more than you ought, this is reality and I just hope it doesn't end here for them.

On the 28th will be my first year of blogging. Reading back on my first few post, I made no sense at all. I needed to write something but find organizing my thoughts to be tough. Who cares, nodody's reading my posts anyway? Even if somebody does, except for some of my friends, they wouldn't let me know. Haha! I write these things, and if nobody would want to read, I'll read it for myself. Who needs readers? Haha!

The club meeting went on without me yesterday. As much as I would've wanted to be there, I'm geographically and financially challenged at the moment though I did manage to treat myself to KFC Chicken Steak last Friday. I would've prefered to get a Chicken Tempure but I would've needed the wait of 10 minutes. I have new plans now. Back to my old plan of making Friday, a Jollibee Day though it wouldn't always be Jollibee for me 'cause my tongue may crave a certain taste that day and I have to take something else. This is one of the simple things that make me happy.

Been infront of the computer for more than 5 hours yesterday and I suffered headache last night. I wanted to stay up all night but my head just won't let me. I took medicine and cooked soup to go with it and slept. I woke up by 2:30 am and I tried getting back to sleep. It took me some time like an hour because the moon shone so bright straight to my face, from the window like a street light. Thoughts ran in my head, thought you wouldn't even wanna think about then when I got back to sleep, I had a nightmare. It was something like doom, there were different creatures I've never seen before everywhere, I hardly remember everything but I can clearly remember this song with its dreadful melody, I even heard myself saying the lyrics, and it sounded like Marilyn Manson's. I hate that guy, I hate his music, I hate his philosophies, I hate the whole of him but he's a lost soul, we who aren't should know better but understand. Has he fallen? I know not but will he ever rise again from the darkness he has placed himself into? Heaven knows.

Twenty more days in school, that is four weeks or a month but I still feel lazy to do anything. I have a choice not to go on with this anymore 'cause I passed most of my subjects in the Prelims and Midterms - not that I didn't the others subjects but I was not informed if I did - and not going on with the Finals won't fail me. Aaahhh! Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

Yay! We're back to Encantadia and Etheria's over though I'm still not sure if I'm going to watch it like I did before.

I haven't met him yet but I miss him. RG got the CB role and I hate it. i bet it's gonna be lame again. Haha! Goodluck, RG!

Realizations here and there, all over again... Love it, hate it, but I have to be it...

Good day, everyone!

Copyright

Minutes ago, I just woke up, haven't eaten anything yet and I was scared as hell. I got this e-mail from YouTube about Copyright Infringement, ang I was like, "What the hell does that mean?". Somebody reported me for the videos I uploaded there. I don't even know what infringing exactly means. The moment I read the whole thing, I got off to Wikipedia and read about what it meant and get more information 'cause I do not really understand what it was about. I do not know if I was the only one sent with the notice, I do not know who in hell reported when I'm not the only one of the thousands who upload videos there... How should I react? I'm clueless. All I did was delete every video I uploaded that might be the cause of me having sent such message. I don't think I'll log on to YouTube ever again or even upload anything there again though I left the Groovies I made with Grouper-- I made that and they have no copyright with the pictures I made it with because my friends and I own it, well, except for the music I used. If I ever get sued, I do know what awaits me and I know I have nothing to pay for that, I'll be in jail... Oh, no! I am just wondering, of all the people who upload this exclusive stuffs for downloading - which I don't do, why me? Somebody over the net whom I know not hates me so much to have me reported or even sued. I don't know, it's just a speculation. I'm getting paranoid again over something I'm not used to. Have I learned my lesson now? Uh... Not sure really... Read before you sign up? Huh, I will... or maybe!

I'm a bit disoriented right now but I'll be back to add more stuffs to my post when I get to think of any.

2:27 pm and I'm back. I just had to take my fill and get my crazy head working again. That's good.

I feel so forgotten. There's this, dunno if it really is, funny thought in my head but I think of cracking him a joke of being one of those who died in the stampede that's why he's not contacting me. No text message, no missed call, no nothing. It's not good to make a joke of something that took lives needlessly but he doesn't even bother to let me know he's still alive, how he's been, what's he up to. It's been so long but I just can't let go. Just one more week, if he still won't get in touch, I should stop it there. Maybe he's busy with another girl, which is just right and should be because we broke up many years ago, 3 and a half to be exact. I just needed to be remembered. You know what happens to souls that aren't remembered? They haunt people so they'd remember them and I'm just like that.

Gimme a title

A friend said I'm obsessed with BSB, but I'm not... I'm lovesick! More people seem to punish me for that love. Well, here's what: 1. BSB is not the only reason why I quitted the band, 2. given a choice between BSB or them, Sorry but I'll wholeheartedly give my them up, 3. they do not know what BSB has done for me and my life so they can laugh all they want and it won't change a thing, 4. have they even had anything they love and value in their lives that they'd devote their life and love to? 5. my admiration is more than idolatry and the very word "admiration" says it all. Am I mad? No, I'm furious but I feel a bit better now. If I could only tell them my true reasons then they'll be hit by thundering silent slaps on their not-so-pretty faces.

I have just discovered a friend's lie. It took me some time to discover but I don't know much so I can't really blame her. If I've known earlier, I could have done something to make it a bit better for her. I shouldn't say anything more 'cause it wouldn't help anyway and the only way to help her is through prayer. I hope I don't forget...

On my way home, there were 4 market vendors inside the jeep I rode talking about robbers, snatchers, pickpockets and the like. It reminded me, isn't the Philippines a safe place for me anymore. I was enraged listening to them. I feel the adrenaline rush inside me as I imagine myself being in the situation. I am so blessed that I never get to ride with such shameless people. I love sleeping while I travel from home to school then back but I'm only half asleep. I don't totally dose off. But we can never really tell when such things will be coming, we just have to be ready. I can't imagine myself waking up, discovering I lost my stuffs, knowing that the only expensive thing inside my bag is my cellphone. But not-so-luckily, I have my share of having sat with, what I suppose as, maniacs. And knowning by instinct who I sit with or who I encounter, wherever I may be... I become paranoid. I always find myself in a Fight or Flight situation, and my Fight response is not always the warrior-type of fighting. I've always been silent, and most of the time use Stealth as a form of defense. Covertness often assures success. I've been in a holdup situation only once, in a jeep in Manila and I was little then and was with an adult. I looked intently on the robbers, even thought of acting as a hero and fight the bad guys, or be a star witness and point out the robbers... Can't help but let Epinephrine crawl into my veins. *Growls*

There's this song playing in my head. Alipin by Shamrock. I love the lyrics and the voice that sang it. That vocalist is so cute and CAN sing. I still haven't got a clue about him but I really like him. I asked Patrick to upload the song to his phone so I can send it to my mine through Bluetooth, thank God he has an uploader and he's also in DSL like Amor, Me, Matt, and Renan. I love GMA for making it the Love Theme for Jewel In The Palace! I love the Jang-Geum! I love Jeung-Ho! I love Jewel in the Palace! I love Shamrock! Haaaayyy...

He's forgotten me! I guess this is'll be our REAL goodbye...

I'm currently having problems with writing. I've read my last two posts and some sentences are missing some words and I get letters mixed up. I think something's wrong with me. I usually have problems on organizing my thoughts but I always knew how to spell and compose them. Weird world, this really is.

It's still a battle for ratings, isn't it? Haha! I applaud Sir Joey de Leon for what he did. I love it when people fight against those who do them wrong. As you can read, I'm so much into Philippine Showbiz esp. my Kapuso Station and the people in their. I love 'em and I'm taking their side. Yun lang!

Still no word about Cogie. I haven't met him yet but I miss him. We are two worlds apart but I'm not losing hope. Thank God that my friend is his friend's friend. Some connection, huh? So, what they say is true: We are all connected to each other by 6 degrees and in my case, it's less than 6.

Another day of random thoughts, just hope I made sense...

Looking back

10 years and counting... I've been loving BSB almost half my life. The tour is over, no clue when they are coming back. I can only keep track on them through Weird World but I'm not a member! Good, eh? I wish I knew someone who is a member. Awww... They're off the road now, on their own ways, doing their stuffs. Are they coming back? Dunno but if it takes another 5 to 10 years, I'll wait all over again.

Oh, yes! Valentine's is over and it can never get as lame as this year's. Ahaha! I'm so glad that no such things as Valentine Spirit ever existed liek that of Christmas. I got greetings from some friends but not from the person I actually expect it from but doesn't really matter now. I'm just pretending not having gotten over him. I still want him as my friend and we already are but even so, he has no obligation whatsoever to greet me on any occassion. However, this year is a bit different than the past years, I got something by accident. It wasn't really for me but since it wasn't fetched by the one who's suppose to get it for someone else, it was given to me. It's a small heart-shaped balloon. Oh, well! Atleast I got something.

It was Val's birthday yesterday and they went out without me! Hehehe! But I don't really mind, we still have a year. I was so tired yesterday that i went straight home, and not to mention so hungry and sleepy. Though I wished I was there. I've wanted to treat myself to KFC or Jollibee but I have no money, heck! Poor me, huhuhu! I have to save for that debt. I wish I have more money as an allowance. There's so much I wanted to have but I have no budget. Money, hey! Ahaha!

I just have to endure school for a few weeks and it'll be over or I can give up this early and let it go. I won't fail anyway. I need some strength to carry on with school work.

The guys played basketball this afternoon and again without me. I just can't fight getting sleepy and so hungry 'cause it gives me headaches. I take afternoon naps everyday, get stiff neck every now and then but sleep revives me. I work on my assignments at night and I get sleepy early though sleeping doesn't really come next.

I love Kim Sam Soon, I hope everyone gets to watch it. Now, I look at being fat at a different way now. Not yet totally but I'm getting there. I'm starting to like myself again. I start having thoughts of losing weight and wearing my other clothes again. My figure is not my only problem, I also have skin problems I have to solve. Not only on my face but else where that hinders me from feeling good about myself. Should I say it? No, I won't! Hahaha!

Seems like there's no way, they're gonna show that BSB concert on televeision or release it as home video. I have my own footage but I prefer professional and official coverage. ABS-CBN is the lousiest Media Partner a concert can ever have. I wish they gave it to GMA7 instead. Thinking the artists that came to ABS, they gave more attention to F4 even giving them TV specials, WTH?! I hate them for that! I still see that night clearly in my head when i think of it. I wish there's still next time. I want to give them something.

Come back! I want you back! Aaaaahhhhh!!!

February

Man, I'm starting to like Leon Williams in Le Robe de Mariage. Since the start of this Chinovela/ Koreanovela mania, I started liking Chinese and Korean guys. I even started appreciating my bloodline. My Oma is half-Chinese, and I have my eyes to remind me that I have Chinese blood. Well, my eyes aren't that small but some of my friend are fond of classifying me as Chinita and I admit, I love hearing it. Haha...

I'm still counting weeks before school is over. I wanna have a vacation already and start Summer classes soon. Man! I'm so loaded with so much work but I'm feeling so lazy to even start doing anything.

Money is the matter again. The Grand Launch is coming this March 11 and they are auctioning this Never Gone: The Limited Edition Tour Album CD at starting price of P1000. I'm not sure if they will be sold in market but I really gotta have it but... I can't even save P500 for myself. Loads of freebies (BSB stuffs), lots of fun... I wanna partake on this event, this may mark BSB's return. I may have the stuffs I never had. Are feeling me, people? Do you feel my pain? Yeah, I sound pathetic but this is important to me. This is my lovelife, let me say this again, who needs a boyfriend? I don't. Anyway, the Club is meeting this February 18, I wanna come!

The Ultra Tragedy lives on! The finger-pointing on who is responsible for the stampede never ends. WTF?! They even said something bad about Mr. Joey de Leon about something he allegedly said. I believe him, I believe that he didn't say anything bad against those people. I feel that he's a good man and he could never have done what he was accused of. They have only misinterpreted what he said. Why are they doing this? For ratings' sake, of course! It's all about ratings, isn't it. How can people be so crude? Now, that is pathetic!

I'm addicted to something right now. I'm so hooked to Rice Mix esp. their Seafood Surprise. It's so good, I keep coming back. I plan to cook it here at home. I already asked my mom on how much crab sticks cost and currently spying on how to make that sauce, that tastes like Adobo. I had mine with so much pepper and a little puff of chili powder, YUM! Now, here's another good news: I'm having Mushroom in Oyster Sauce tonight... Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm!!!

My brother went to the CloseUp Lovapalooza last Saturday. Nyeeeeh! Though I may consider that someday, when I find... True love? Ahhnyeeeeeeh! QUE HORROR! Ahahaha!

It's Valentine's tomorrow, so what? I hate this time of the year. Jologs will be everywhere: couples wearing red, cuddling, kissing? EW! It will rain flowers, sweet BOLA (I don't wanna call it words or nothings), love songs... Man, I can't stand these stuffs! Maybe because I never had the chance to enjoy the day's festivities, if there's any, or I'm just not the... What do you call that?... uh... Sentimental type? I think that's it. I'm going home early tomorrow or people may think I have a date. I don't do dates, the only date I accept is a Date with Destiny, now that's what I call Romance. Ahahaha!

Awww... My shining star, BSB! How do get close to them? I loved them from a distant star, I couldn't reach that far. I can't believe how close we were last January 20th. A few feet away... I wanna get closer...

What now?

Where is the Love?

I've just watched Princess Diaries 2 tonight and something reminded me of an old friend. Finger wrestling... I used to play that with a friend back in gradeschool. We were so close and I was the reason why we fell out of our closeness before we graduate. Does that explain why we seemed happy when I called him after a few years? It was my fault, we were so close but I didn't like it when people started teasing it. I'm not sure if anything really went before us but that made me make us fall apart. Senti? So what?! It's the love month! Leave me be! Hahaha!

Another old friend issue... I've no sign of him for a few weeks now. No, I don't really mind and the feelings are gone but I'm just thinking of what happened or what is happening. No love but I still care, we're friends and friends, no matter the distance, care for each other. I just wish I have a clue whatsoever.

What else is there to talk about? I dunno!

Happy Love Month, Everyone! Happy Puso!

What say you?

Alright, burning every single video I have on the computer is not a good idea. I can't think of a way to shrink it to the smallest size possible. I only bought six, and one cd is only enough for one concert and I one even got destroyed, dunno how. I'm currently burning a cd as I write but the 3gp video I converted to MPEG does not match, the video runs faster than the audio, though I managed to burn the pcitures I got off the concert from my phone and of the other fans. No real problem with the 3gp files since I kept in my webspace but the BIG files, I have to wait again. I have to finish paying my debt before I can save for something else. Heck! I need a good lot of CDs to burn them all and just imagine that another BSB fan is asking a copy of all those vids! I can't afford to buy blank CDs in bulks and I don't have my own CD writer. My video collection have reached almost 10Gb already and I have to burn them before I can download more. we didn't have a computer when I first became a fan and now I have them there to grab, I don't have money. Heck! Now, I've just destryed another CD, which leaves me with only 3. Argh! It's such a shame, I wanna tell the world I'M BROKE and I NEED MONEY again. Look at this: I get P150 everyday, P50 goes to my fare, I have to save P65 for my debt which leaves me with P35 and I need to eat but do you know how much is the cheapest food I can buy? NAMAN! And then a lot of projects for the Finals require money to get done. How can these teachers can be so inconsiderate!

Tonight is the last night of Sugo! YES! I hope it's the last lame TeleFantasia that will ever be produced and we've heard the last of it. And I hope I don't see Richard Gutierrez in Captain Barbell! Man, it's so lame I don't wonder why Mulawin the Movie didn't get any award. Wahaha! Annabelle defending his son is out of pure love and belief in his talent but the feeling is not mutual with the others who've seen it and seen Chard perform. *Grins*

I got good grades! Yay! All my major subjects! Wahaha! I did it. I don't need to be on top and it feels good that I made progress. It just pisses me off that some of my classmates this sem who does better than I do, is so lazy doing their assignment. It's so unfair but I already did something about it. I doesn't and won't really hurt them, they just needed to be taught some lessons.

I missed on assignment in Economics because of... Grrr! Yeah him! That will be the last time he'll ever do that to me. He's so lucky, I'm quite in a good mood though I'm not so happy with what happened to me because of him, that parasite! I'd love to crush him!

CS Idols went on last Wednesday. The production was a lot worse than last year. Championships were retained except for the vocal solo and I loved that one result, it was well-deserved and so is the Freestylerz's but the Acoustic... Err... I'm not bias but two other groups did better than the "Reigning Champions". I was not really convinced but I didn't mind since I have totally lost faith in the fairness of the Council that made it happen. I just wanna say what I think. And I'm glad I decided not to join the guys, I don't want to make myself feel bad.

Yay! I think I'll love the new Korean series Kim Sam Soon. I love Koreanovelas! Awwwee! I think I can relate to this one, already told my friend about it. I need something to make me feel better about being fat or stocky. I look around to see the difference in being stocky in the midsection with fat girls and pregnant woman. Imagien how bad people think of me. I get teased about being pregnant but WTF?! I wanna tell them, "Hell, I'm still a virgin!" and beat the life out of them but that will be too vulgar and barbaric. I can't pretend that I'm not affected because things like these just makes me feel worse about myself, affecting my whole self-image. How will people love me if I can't even love myself? But how can I love myself if people keep making me feel bad about it. Others say that what others think isn't important but it is to me... How can I forget being humiliated on stage last year by a fugly faggot who thinks he's some stand-up comedian in a comedy bar saying, "Buntis ba 'yon?". I wouldn't have known if my friend didn't tell me and didn't get it on tape when he covered the CS Idols last year. It's still in my head and fury runs wildly in my veins still now. I still that gay in school and I can't help but think evil thoughts in my head. If I could just be given one chance to take my revenge, he'll regret he even hosted that show. I know I was fat then and fatter now but nobody need to tell me 'cause I already know. My belly has grown big, bigger than my dad's, I can't wear most of my clothes 'cause some of them wouldn't fit anymore, but doesn't look like anything of a pregnant woman's. Dieting won't help me neither will exercise but I know a way. Science has all the greatness I need but then again, I NEED MONEY. I can a lot of Medical Procedures to get rid of my nuissant body fats ot take Medicines. I just need money or I can take offers if anyone has plans of giving it to me for free... I can already imagine!

I still have a few months before May to make some changes. I want to go visit my friends in Lucena and show them that I take care of myself though it doesn't really show since I've let myself grow sooooo big. Heck!

That's it, let me cool down a little...

Say what?!

Tough day, tough day. I still feel lazy and a lot to do. Finals na! I think I did better this Midterm than Prelims, my grades are a few points higher, I think. As expected, my former blockmates asked me why don't I and why didn't I join the guys in CS Idols. I told them straight, "Ayoko.". I really don't wanna do it anymore. I told my seatmate that I'd take a rest for a moment, from all the shame I had these past few years and put my pride back together. I think I'm quitting the band for good. I think I already had enough for now and I'm going back to my olden days of youth. I never enjoyed pressure and though I loved the band and the things we do and the fun we're having together, I would never think twice about quitting. I don't wanna stay locked up in THAT state, having to meet people's expectation. I enjoy performing for myself, that should be enough since nobody appreciates what I do more than myself. I'm holding on my narcissism, and it kinda keeps me alive. I think I do some things better tha anybody else though my BEST don't always show. I'm just self-centered but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. Oh, well...

Yay! My BSB Video Collection's growing! It just gets harder to download esp. in Rapidshare where I have to wait like half an hour before I could get the next video in line. No problem with the internet connection, that's what you get if you have DSL! Haha! I just need a cd writer to have them burned. I'm still expecting more videos from the other fans though they'll have to wait till March since the Videofest was postponed and in return, I have to give them a copy of my list that i gave them. Well, the list doesn't include the new ones I downloaded so I don't think that would be unfair. I will share what I said I will, right? The concert photos I got off from the Philippine fans allover the internet went to about 200+. Now the problem is how do I print them all? No ink at home, no photo paper... Awww! Both ink and paper is expensive, I can save for that but not just yet. I still haven't paid the whole amount I owed for the tickets, stuffs here and there... Aaaahhh!

Man, I miss my BSB Millennium album. I regret having lent it to... Nevermind that insignificant creature. I haven't heard of the songs there for years since I lost it in 2004 (or 03 not sure) or my classmate lost it for me. I was informed that there are no more old BSB albums being sold. Now, where can I find that? They are being auctioned in E-Bay but they are way too expensive and I don't want to resort to downloading them. It's only in cassette since we don't have a computer or even a cd player when they released that album. Most of my BSB album is in cassette except for the latest, Never Gone. Where in the world should I start searching? The Boys are under a new record company and all there is is their Tour Edition of Hits Chapter 1. I want my tape back!

One weird thing happened to me last week. I have NEVER been a fan of Richard Gutierrez but I actually woke up to a dream with him. The dream went, like, we were sitting on a bench (me, a girl, then him) then we were holding each other's hand behind that girl's back. Haha! That was funny since I usually dream of guys I really like like I dreamt of celebrities like 5ive, F4 (don't laugh, I use to really like Jerry Yan and Vic Zhou), Oyo Boy Sotto, Hero Angeles in my very room and I dreamt of BSB a week before the concert, and were walking along my school's Rotonda. Haha... But Richard? I think he's really a lame actor. Must be that stuff about Captain Barbell I was thinking about. Sugo (the corniest GMA TeleFantasia I've ever seen, like the poor main actor, poor effects, and story? Ehem... Sorry to those who like him, that's just what I think and I'm a solid Kapuso) is nearing the end and there are rumors that he'll be playing Captain Barbell, nyek! I think he's already overexposed and I love that role for Cogie. Most networks pay attention to those who are popular not necessarily to those who have talent. Not that he's not but Cogie's better than him. I'm not a Richard-hater but the only edge he has over Cogie is his attitude towards work and... his height? Hahaha... I'm so bias, I know but I would prefer Dennis Trillo, Dingdong Dantes or Alfred Vargas snug the role rather than Richard. I just don't like him. Everyone who knows me knows I love Cogie and I believe in him. I haven't met him yet but I'd love to show him how much I care... Yiheee! I wonder where he is now. They said he's gone to the US for vacation and build some muscles, yum! But I had this conclusion that he's just hidden somewhere to prepare for the role or maybe even shooting the series already, awww! I wish I can stalk him though that'd probably scare him to death, Hahaha! I just wanna befriend him but he said he'll be more cautious now in meeting and making friend with total stranger after that incident with that Felice woman. I heard she's pregnant again to his current boyfriend but they are just rumors. Still, she keeps me wondering WHAT IS SHE DOING HAVING ALL HER BOYFRIENDS IMPREGNATE HER, DOES SHE WANT HER CHILDREN AS REMEMBRANCE OF THEIR PASTS? Hmp! Nevermind, attention will just make her "popular".

Anyway, aside from what you've read there's nothing much going on. I'm still working on my Midterm Economics project which is already late, very late. I'm still eating a lot and more but Sir Elmer thinks I'm losing weight. That Reverse Diet must be working, EAT MORE, BURN MORE. The CS Idols are up tomorrow but I'm not going to watch since I'm too lazy to wait till 4pm, when the program will start or probably later since thay are so used to starting things late or the typical F-Time, and my classes end by 12 tomorrow because there's no LAN on Wednesdays. I also don't want my former blockmates to see me tomorrow, they expect alot on my talent but they don't understand I don't have a very strong heart to take THAT challenge. I still have FAVORITISM issues in my head about some people who initiates those competitions, I start building theses about having put myself to shame and how & why things are happening. I just hate it and I'm trying to think straight and get back on track with what i love doing. I hope I cure myself soon. That's be it for now and I hope I made sense somehow. Ciao!

And, oh, prayers for those who died in the February 4 tragedy in Ultra, look at what one person's selfishness does to a big lot of people. Should I stop being selfish then?

Maybe...

Title, uh?

I have no idea what title to give this entry... Nevermind.

Just now, I was asked if I never get tired of BSB, I said nothing. I don't have to say it 'cause I won't. It's what makes me happy this very moment. Michael Borja texted me this morning and was the Nth person to ask me if I have a boyfriend. What the heck's with those people? I need love and I'm getting it and by loving them back, happiness begets me. Awww...

Yesterday, I saw this toy vendor along Nueno. I was attracted by a cuteness and I bought this orange mechanical chick. Haha... You should see it, it marches like a real chick. I tried letting it chase Bitoy, one of our housecats, and it got his attention. He ran away from it. Hehe...

Yay! Final term then vacation then... Aw! Summer classes. Nyaaah! I need some break and I think I'll get it on the week before summer classes begin. I can choose not to take summer classes but it'll leave me with nothing to do this summer but eat & sleep and get fatter. Speaking of getting fatter, I thought of buying Xenical yesterday (it's an anti-obesity agent) but it's just too expensive. I don't know what to blame for my weight gain and fatty build ups but I definitely found a solution. I just have to save for it since it costs P40 per tablet and it promised effect within 2 months, meaning I have to save a big lot. I could get it right now but I'm still paying for the half of the money I owed for the concert tickets. Good grief! I just have to lose weight and burn some fats but I'm so not into exercise or any athletic activities so... tell me what to resort to aside from slimming pills? I don't wanna take Cherifer anymore, that seems to be the cause of it all. I've been eating a lot ever since and then I take food supplements, heck! I don't think my eating habit really changed a lot even before I went to college, it must be that vitamins. I need Lecithin which has Phosphatidyl/Choline that will help me burn fat tissues, I want to take Xenical and money is my problem again. I just wanna look good and be able to wear my other clothes since I haven't worn them since I got fat 'cause they won't fit and people keep teasing me like I look... Whatever!

BSB Fan Club Phils, is having a Grand Launch on Feb. 18, Saturday at the Function Hall B Star Mall Crossing/ Shaw Blvd. Mandaluyong City. The schedule is still tentative but I really wanna come but I don't know how to get there. Like the problem I had before the concert, I don't know the big city. Someone offered to go with me but she's just not sure yet, she's a member too and from Cavite City. I'm not sure but something was said about having to get reservations if we decide to go and I'm not sure if I have to pay for anything but it involves money, there's a slight impossibility of my presence. I'm broke right now and I can't save just yet. Temptations everywhere, fare hikes, and the money I owe... Nothing's left for me. If that'd be so, I'll have to miss this one and look forward for another next time. But I always find a way, and this is sponsored my Sony BMG and they are giving out goodies because they'll be holding contests, games on the occassion. I have to be there... Oh, please! Help me, anybody...

Life. Life? Life!

Yesterday's highlight is the tireless walking. Just imagine, I walked from Gate 3 to the CBA building's 3rd floor, then down six floors to the basement (Oh, yes!), then up three floors again to get out of the building then run to GMH, then back to CBA building, then up to the 4th floor. Haha! I thought I was going to miss my Sociology test. I got the wrote the wrong room assignment on my test schedules, I ran up to the wrong room then went where I can check the right schedule. Haha! That was so dumb of me, must be my absent-mindedness but thank God I made it. Whew! So far, my performance is quite good, not that I'm sure I'm going to pass but I feel good. Though being hungry gave me a head ache. It's nice that I didn't take my last Math subject this semester, that would've made the exam week -as everyone calls it, HELL WEEK.

Friendster Horoscope for February 1, 2006
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)
The Bottom Line
With all the activity in your life, daydreaming provides an easy, harmless vacation.
In Detail
Ready to take off? To actually leave 'home base' and venture outward? Sure you are. Well, the heavens have agreed: It's time for you to get away, so if you're ready to get away, choose your partner and make some plans -- loosely speaking, of course. You may not be able to go right now, but if you start making your plans, you'll feel as if you're already on your way.

I just love what the stars are telling me. Good days are coming up, I already have it here in my head, what could possibly ruin my positivity. I've been pretty lazy after that concert last January 20th but atleast I'm back to the simple, laid-back, lazy-go-lucky me. Haha! I'm not always happy so just let it be "lazy". I love it that way. It seems like the first time in a few months since I last went to hangout with the guys yesterday. I was always never good at DotA but just being there with them, laughing at my stupidity and admiring their being good players gives the F-U-N to it. Awww...

Who needs a boyfriend? I don't. Atleast not for the moment. A friend asked me yesterday if I currently have one, I said I don't, he said, "Kawawa ka naman, walang nanliligaw sa'yo", I told him, Not relly ("'di rin!"). Haha! I'm not sure if I told him I'm happy. Guys or people having their first girlfriends and boyfriends can't help but be so naive, can they? They think it's really essential to human existence to have potential lifetime partners, but you can't really tell them that being alone doesn't make you unhappy or being unnoticed makes you less happier. I'm so proud of myself that I've found a reason to be happy without having to have a boyfriend but THEY don't understand that. Okay, we have different personalities, wants and need, feeling and those stuffs but do they really have to convert me to embrace their outlook in life? I therefore conclude that they do not know themselves like I know mine. They haven't explored secret corners in their heads, and haven't yet discovered what will make them complete aside from LOVE, or what other things they value and love, where they get love from. Yeah, it sounds autistic but this one of the things I've learned being the shy, aloof, elusive, loner child that I was. Now, I have my circle of friends, I once had a lovelife, but I have a separate for my self alone. Back then, I would play alone because I was never trained to mingle with people, even my teacher would have a problems with me because I wouldn't want to work in a group, young that I was I felt self-sufficient. Maybe it bad trait now as I've grown up and still exhibitit but that is how I was, how I still will be because that made me who and what I am now.

Have I said too much already? Haha! Actually, that felt good. Writing, or in this case blogging, is only a few of the outlets I have to relieve myself of my burdens whatever it is. I'm not a straightforward person, I am not tactless (or not directly), I do not say everything I have in my mind, straight, then and there. In short, I'm introverted. Not that I am not good in conversation, I just don't like people knowing what's inside me head like they can steal my thoughts and ideas. I read other people's actions, thoughts and words (between the lines), but I don't let them do the same to me. I want to stay as mysterious as the dark side of the moon (Hehe... got that line from a song from Mulan). That makes me feel COOL.

Now, you've read this part of my personality maybe I'm not so mysterious anymore but admit it, you've only learned a little when there still is a lot... Haha! Ciao!