Blessed

Tonight is so blessed. After waiting for a few months, I finally got a glimpse of Cogie. Well, not really in person but atleast I saw him. He's in this awards night tonight at the Westin Philippine Plaza and he escorted this Sexbomb girl. Buti na lang I watched 24 Oras or else I would not have seen him. Just like when I first saw him, he's gorgeous as ever and healthier now, hehe.. I really wanna meet him, and be his friend. Maybe I should do something like that Brian guy who did all he can to get this date with Drew Barrymore. More lessons to go in my Internet/Web Application Development and I'm off to really doing that. If he only knew I existed. I wish he gets to read this or someone who knows him... *sigh* After all these years, I'm still loving him. Until that day happens, I will have to sit on one corner and dream of him.

Hi, Cogie! If you only knew how much I love and admire you. I even wrote a poem for you and sketched your pretty face. The drawing isn't really done yet because I feel like something is missing, you. Maybe when I finally get to meet you, it will be completed. So will be my happiness. I may sound absurdly obsessed, and chances are that you may freak out when you read this thinking I'm some stalker but actually I'm harmless. I've been a loving fan ever since I was highschool and the dreams of actually being your friend has been my inspiration for doing things. I wish you can personally read this. I have so much more to say to you but I guess I'll save it until the day we actually meet. Goodluck and God bless. I love you very much, LEiGS.

Hopes up

I've just seen this documentary film My Date with Drew. Made me think, what if I do the same thing? Maybe I'll get my chance on meeting Cogie and even being friends with him. It's all about the "6-Degree Connection". I actually got 5 but I'm not so good with connecting the dots. I know the heavens are with me on this I just have to make my move. But how?

I"M CLUELESS!

My I/WAD subject, and all the the typing/encoding that has to be done is boring me but atleast I'm getting something. I just don't like typing long paragraphs but the whole idea that we're being taught to make professional website is simply fantastic. I wouldn't have to bother the "masters" that much. I won't have to drool on the idea of making a site for my dearest Cogie. And most of all, I will know how to make my own blog layout. This is totally FAB! What isn't is that Physics Lecture. I don't mind defending different systems allover again at every computer subject I have but putting my unmatched mathematical skills to test will be too much. Just when being geographically-challenge is bad enough, things could get worst. How can you ever make your weakness in Math a strength? What the HECK!? My focus is a wreck! Numbers, Xs and Ys... They're giving me headaches, and feels like anytime soon I'll be in a hospital for stroke. One word: POTEK!

I'll be back next post for more, for now it's BATH TIME!

Countdown

I'm a week away from my birthday. I'm turning 20 and what's up with that? I'm not a teenager anymore, it's about time to see the world outside my side of the world. I already have my blueprint of the outside world exploration but making haste turns to waste so I'd have to take it a day at a time. The world is waiting for me, I know and as a matter of fact, opportunities are presenting themselves to me, seducing me, "I'm all yours for the taking, get me!". Like this acting stint that I can try on to but I'm not really sure I can act and pretty enough for the camera. I do have a thing for showbiz but I'm much too shy and inconfident and... uh, nevermind! I'm still having tough time to decide if I'll give it a shot 'cause, like I said, I'm not ready for something this big and my cousins wants it too, and I'll go if she goes 'cause I can't go alone because I don't know how to [fact: for the Nth time, I'm geographically challenge, and I'm not much of a traveler, hehehe...] and I need support atleast if they're there I will get courage from trying to show off to them. That's be so cool, wouldn't it?

There's new addition to my wide array of crushes in my crushlist. I never thought I'd say this but, though I always fancied Batman, I love Superman. I was too young to have fallen for Christopher Reeve when he wore those legendary blue tights but he lives in Brandon Routh. Awww! Man, his girlfriend must be feeling soooooooooo[woooh!] lucky like, "Look at me! I beat you Lois Lane, Superman, the real thaaang is with me". *Drooling* From handsomeness, let's go to the cuteness that is Zac Efron. He so resembles Leonard Whiting in his Romeo and Juliet days [circa 1968, hehe.]. It's dreamlike to see such beautiful creature actually exists. Actually I already did a research and found out he'll be 19 this October 18. Hmmm.. Just a year older? I don't really mind. Come to me, my Zachary!

I am so blessed to have seen BSB in concert and complete, all 5 of them. That may be the first last time I will ever see them together. Kevin has left. The heavens gave me my childhood wish to see them and I think I would have to be thankful for that. I'm not sure if Kevin's the only one leaving 'cause they're breaking up one piece at a time. It's not right to think this way but I love these guys, I've loved them all my life, they are a part of me but I'm terribly sad about what's happened. I'ts breaking my heart. Well, this is just a phase, a part in one's life where you have to let go of something you loved all your life and move on. I wish you well, Kev.

How but something cheerful to lift my spirit? Ahaha! I never run out of those. A few minutes ago I signed up to Disney Channel's Pirates of the Caribbean contest. It's almost my birthday and I'm hoping that will give me luck to snug those precious figurines and other movie souvenirs. I will definitely see that movie when it's out. Hehe... Captain Jack is back! I love it!

Ikaw, bakit ka Kapuso? Dahil kay Cogie, at nasaan si Cogie? Sana lang alam ko. Hay, buhay!

High School Musical rocks! And I'm seeing it again next Sunday for the Encore! Encore, Encore! Bravo! Something cool is coming up, July 15. It's spelled as K-U-Z-C-O! I love that Aztec boy and I'm going to see it, only on the incredible Disney Channel. Haha, I know I'd make a good endorser!

I was pysched to find out that my blog has visitors from as far as India, US and South America. Thanks to ClustrMap, I don't feel so bummer anymore. Thank you visiting though you don't really leave traces that make feel special. Thank you, 5 claps for you, 3 stomps and 1 big Hooray! AHLAVYUAL!

It gets you

I do have a penchant for Korean actors but right now I'm starting to dig Japanese. It's nutty but I have developed this strange liking for Jun Matsumoto of Gokusen and the lips of Dennis Trillo, who isn't Japanese. Why is it only on the last month that I started watching Gokusen when I could have seen it when it was first aired in 2005. My lost! In its last week, I will have to wait till they show it again just like the other good shows that has made good followings and popularly demanded. He reminds me of Vic Zhou as Hua Zi Lei in Meteor Garden, and Kaede Rukawa in Slamdunk [but I love Mitsui better.]. He's so much like the real me in real life. I love! Awwwee! hey, but Cogie's still my number one!


I would love to kiss those lips! Mwuah!

I've been missing out on Love of the Condor Heroes ever since Jewel in the Palace. I would usually stay up late till eleven but now I only last until Majika's done. I think sleeping early is a good idea. I can stay up all afternoon now and sleep long enough at night. And what's up with that? Wala lang.

Aryty! Rex is back! He's enrolled and I hope he gets serious with school this time. Enough said.

Can you feel the end? Volcano after volcano, earthquake after earthquakes. Last eyar's fad was flashfloods, and hurricanes. What's next? Ahaha! The end has come and it will all be over, including us. Farewell, brethren!

I've already finished saving all 102 screen captures of Matsumoto from Gokusen that I found at Future Blues. Oui! I love!

On and on

But we all need to move on. We can't carry everything with us. It would be too burdensome to be carrying all the stuff we have especially those of no use to us anymore; or those that might cause harm to us. If life is a journey, we have to travel light....

I read these gentle words from a friend's blog. It made me think, I must be carrying so much from the past that makes it hard for me to move on. I still carry my grudges, the pains, angst... As much as I've wanted to believe that letting them go would make my life a bit easier but they've been a art of my emotional strain ever since the people who caused them gave them to me. That is where I get my emotion, without it I am existent but emotionless, a body with a mind but no heart. I bring my memories wherever I go, whether they are bad or good. They either turn me to stone or to a live human, should I chose now what to leave behind?

Physics lecture class is not getting any fun. I came to class on the second day and mathematical equations welcomed me. Do I deserve to relive such nightmare? What have I done that I am being punished for? Waaah! Anyway, I will finally learn how to make a professional website. I have a subject on Internet/ Web Application Development. The only problem now is having Sir JC Ribo as professor. I can pass if I focus but remembering what I had to go through just to fail JAVA Programming, having him in front of the class is pretty distracting. I just pray that I could survive, help me, God.

My reason: No matter how much you love something, when it doesn't give out the best in you anymore and it doesn't make you happy anymore like it used to, it's just not worth going through anymore. I guess I'll have to find myself another one, band that is. Paalam, Ewige Sorge.

I'm still desperate, wondering where Cogie is. You have no idea how much longing I'm feeling right now. Nasa'n ka na? Lumilipad na si Captain Barbell suot ang mukha ni Richard Gutierrez at kung 'di dahil kay Annabelle, si Cogie sana ang lumilipad ngayon suot ang costume ni Captain Barbell. Wala pa rin balita tungkol kay Cogie kahit sa'n, galing kahit kanino. Kung alam nya lang na may isang nilalang na di nya kilalang naghihintay sa pagbabalik nya. Inaasam na makilala sya at makita sya kahit sa telebisyon lang. Sana may paraan para matupad ang pangarap kong ito. Pag natuto na ko ng paggawa ng website, igagawa ko sya ng site at lalakarin ko para maging official yun para sa pagbalik nya malaman nya kung gaano ko sya kamahal. Di po ako obsessed. Ganito lang ako magmahal. Kung alam nya lang *sigh*.

I had a weird dream some time last week. Imagine a Backstreet Boys concert in a grandstand, packed food teeming with cobwebs and spiders, Kong, Jerome and the gang, A giant crocodile bridge, and me running everywhere. It just doesn't make sense.

Hanggang hindi pa tayo nagkikita, mangangarap muna ako...

Plain

I saw Andrew this morning, or he saw me. He changed a lot. I didn't recognize him at first and I was staring at him blankly. He said, "you look the same". It sounded alien to me, not sure why. He's bigger than I expected he would be. It's just nice, I finally get to see him.

Nothing much happened today. Didn't save anything from today's allowance. Oh, well.. There's always tomorrow. Still adjusting my sleep. Okay, I gotta go. Buh-bye!

Dito, Wala Sa Piling Mo

Pansamantala, ito muna ang gagamitin kong layout. Wala akong pagpipilian dahil di pa naman ako marunong gumawa ng sarili kong layout at sawa na ko sa "frames". Tiis-tiis. Peace!

Unang araw pa lang ng klase ay nahuli na ako. Di ka kasalanan. Kahit naman umalis ako apatnapu't limang minuto bago ang oras ay di ako nahuhuli pero kanina ay masyadong mabagal ang daloy ng trapiko lalo na palabas ng baranggay. Kainis! Lumihis pa sa tamaang babaan ang tricycle dahil sa matandang babaeng kasakay ko kanina. Lalo tuloy natagalan. Pasaway na matanda yan!

Nakabalik na si Andrew pero di pa kami nagkikita. Ayon sa testimonya ng mga saksi, mas malusog na sya ngayon kaysa nung huli kaming nagkita nung isang taon. Mabuti naman; Nagpapatunay lang iyon na nakabuti ang paglayo nya at sa panahong nawala sya ay nalimutan nya o kung di man ay naibsan kahit paano ang mga bagay na bumagabag sa kanya noon na naging sanhi ng mga nangyari... Ah, basta! Masaya ako na maayos na sya ngayon. Kakamustahin ko na lang sya pag nagkita kami. maligayang pagbabalik, pare! Ano'ng bago? Sinira ni Vince ang sampayan sa loob ng bakuran nila at nilagay sa ngipin nya. Si Jobert nangayaw na rin sa ComSci at kaklase ko na sya ngayon. Kambal ang cellphone ni Amor, identical twins! Malaki ang nabawas sa timbang ni Renan dahil sa... Hehe! Ano nga ba ang sikreto nya? At ibinida nya ngayong araw na nakita nila si Angel Locsin sa Greenbelt. Nag-aaya sa SM Mall of Asia kaya lang wala pa akong pera. Ahihi! Ang kyut ng cellphone ni Val, maliit! Ariba pa rin sa pagdo-DotA sila Chrysler, ano'ng bago dun? Nagulat ako ng nalaman kong Domingo pala ang apelyido ng kaklase kong si April. Sya na kaya ang hinahanap kong "missing link" na maglalapit sa 'kin sa pinakamamahal kong si Cogie. Ewan. Dahan-dahan akong mag-iimbestiga, malay ko, malay mo, at malay nating lahat, kung meron silang kaugnayan sa isa't isa. Haha!

Naninibago ako nang pumasok ako kaninang umaga. Walang namang nagbago sa La Salle pero parang di na 'yon ang pamantasang nakilala ko. Marahil dahil ito sa nagbabadyang kalungkutan dahil alam kong huling taon na ito ng pagsasama-sama namin ng mga kaibigan ko sa dati kong kurso. Marami akong mga mukhang nakita pero di ko sila kilala. Ngayon pa lamang, kahit andyan pa sila, nararamdaman ko na ang pangungulila. Pagkatapos ng taong ito, isang taon pa akong maiiwan sa paaralang ito pero di na magiging tulad ng mga taong nakagisnan ko ang taong iyon. Mawawala na ang mga mukhang madalas kong pagsawaan, kainisan, pintas-pintasan, at pagkatuwaan. Aalingawngaw ang kawalang kwenta ng mga usapan para lamang malamang isa na lang 'yong alaala sa 'king isipan. Mananariwa ang mga karaniwang nagaganap sa isang partikular na lugar at bibigyan ka dahilang ngumita kahit na-iisa na para bang nahihibang. Magtataka kung kailan kaya kami babagtas sa daang ito ng magkakasama? Aww..

Bukas na ko magpapaka-Emo gabi na. Hehehe...

unendlich

I'm still trying to figure out how to find Red Sunday. Unless I actually do something, go places, I won't find anything. This ingrateful show business seem to have forgotten him. I seek my destiny among the stars, but the heavens are just too high for me to reach. My longing is infinite. How do you walk the road to an unreached dream? How do I answer to the call of the heart that is blind and does not see the way? Hay, LABO!

Hinahanap ko sya pero di ako naghahanap. Gusto ko syang makita pero di ko magamit ng sabay ang mga mata at mga paa ko sa paghahanap. Naniniwala pa rin akong dapat kaming magkita. Ewan ko ba!

Gusto ko mag-post pero wala akong maisip. Meron akong naiisip pero di buo ang mga thoughts, as usual. EWAN! EWAN!

EWAN! ANG LABO KO TALAGA!

from the heart

"If you live to be 100,
I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day,
so I never have to live without you."
- Winnie The Pooh

iskul

Today is June 6, 2006. 666. They fear the day, but I wonder what will happen today?

A BSBFCP member will be interviewing Brian Littrell on the phone later today. Kainggit!

A pervert almost ruined my night tonight. Some vile creature sent me a perverted picture message with some text. I already had my REVENGE and even tried to call him but he turned his phoen off, he must have chickened out. That idiot! It's so infuriating that I went to chatrooms and gave his cellphone number away, I threatened him using my mom's cellphone, I posted a hate page on my Geocities account, and I am going to report the incident to Smart. I'm not going without a fight or atleast get that demon banned and his SIM card disabled. No one messes with me unless I want them messed. I've never been this agree in, like, a year. POTAH TALAGA!

I just knew it. Passing in Statistics is as easy as counting 1 to 1000 in Spanish. Haha.. I was five or six when I learned to count 1 to 10 in Espanol, and took me a year to count 11 to 20 and... How do you say 1000 in Spanish anyway? Ah, who cares! I didn't really need it to pass, I just did. I got the highest grade in the history of my Mathematics, as of my highschool and college Math. I got a 2.50 which equivalent to 80-82%. Alright, you may think it's not that big but it's so much of an achievement for me, and even a reason to celebrate. It's the easiest math subject I ever took, and honestly, the only one I ever enjoyed.

This is Jewel in the Palace's last week on-air. Paalam, Dae Jang Geum.

Okay, no stupid, new bag for me this school year. I guess I'll be throwing nothing for my birthday too. Maybe they'll give me money so I can buy my self something. I wanted my cousins to meet my friends but circumstances force me to bore out and get dull. I can't believe all these are happening simultaneously. I just don't. The only compensation I had was when I bought a Faber-Castell 0.5 Mechanical Pencil, I saw Kong playing by the guitar sales where he works, and having tasted that KFC Chicken Barbecue, which is, by the way, so good. As a matter of fact, last Friday I had it for breakfast and lunch and Chicken Adobo for Dinner. And oh, chicken all day makes your stomach go Bok-borok-bok! Ahaha! I got everything ready for Monday, when school starts except for the books I'm going to borrow since I'm not sure which ones yet. This early, I'm already planning my next Semestral break, Christmas vacation, and Summer vacation and this time I'm making sure that my plans are going to happen and that is BY ALL GOOD MEANS POSSIBLE, though I did something bad today. It's about someone I know.

Eto na naman ako, longing for my dear Cogie na sa pangarap lang mahahagkan. Asan ka na irog ko?

Ilang tulog na lang, iskul na naman! Yehey!

doom

School days are approaching once again but things are getting boring as the days go. It can be chaotic when the cousins come together, but there was never a dull moment even if we all have no money. We survive and find ways to have fun. I miss the fun but when I was with them, I miss my quiet too. You can never really have two very different things at the same time.

The efforts of looking for Cogie through the internet seems futile, I just can't find anything useful. Working through my connections is a problem too. I'm not that thick-skinned and I hardly know my prospective "connectors". It's either I haven't met them yet in person or I only met them once and they've probably forgotten me or they've met me more than once but doesn't actually know me because we're only connected through a common friend. I have some other plans but some other things will have to be done first before they can even be executed. How long do I have to wait?

Haven't had enough and proper sleep ever since my summer vacation started. Nothing's so unusual about that, really, since school is almost back, I need to make my eyes PANTAY, 'cause they aren't due to excessive PUYAT. Hahaha... Asar!

I have another year to change myself, not sure how on earth I'm going to do it but somehow I have to find a way. The makeover I've been planning should happen now or... Basta! I'm running out of things to say. I'm so DOOMED!

Here I go again with my eagerness, my flare, my dreams and plans only to be extinguished at the end of the year. I need the power...

Talaga naman!!

five days

You are now reading Five Days: The Lucena Chronicles. Haha...

May 27, 2006

We've waited so long for this vacation. My cousins' been in our house for almost a month and I've been rotting long enough. I needed to leave badly. Atlast the day has come. I, Mae, and Katrin decided to stay up all night and get fixed to pass the time. We did our manicures and make-up, we packed our bags, and ate breakfast even before the sun rose.

May 28, 2006

My other cousin caused us so much delay. We should have left days earlier but I can't really blame her for having a family like hers. They are so dependent and parasitic; they got married, had children without having prepared for it. They expect their kids to make the living for them and even their relatives. Asar! Anyway... we left home early so we can get an early ride but early as it is, a series of not-so fortunate events came upon us. First, the trike we took didn't give us our change, second the van we're expecting to take us straight to Lucena isn't there anymore, then when we took the bus, it broke down somewhere in Batanggas that forced us to transfer to another bus and have to stand for the whole of the trip till we get to Lucena. But then again, we survived. I was standing there carrying my weight with my arms and feet for more than an hour but we did it. We came to Lucena, alive. Hahaha! I went to play DotA wth my brothers and two other cousins. An hor and a half later, my company ate lunch while I decided to take my usual afternoon nap. We were supposed to go to SM Lucena by 2pm to watch SOP Gigsters but I woke up late and to find out that everbody else, except for Honey, slept the whole afternoon. I waited for Kat and Mae to wake up and get fixed then off we went to SM to stroll. We went here and about, sang to the top of our lungs at the videoke launge. We passed by the Etertainment center and saw that Paolo Bediones, Richard Gutierrez and other Kapuso stars are just outside doing S-Files so went out to the parking lot only to find JC De Vera, Sunshine Dizon,Gale valencia and Tess Bomb. We went back inside to print some pictures and grab KFC. We thought of hanging out for a while at Mae's house but due to his father's insolence, that almost ruined the night, she just grabbed the things she needed and then we left as soon as she's done. After dinner everyone decided to go to a carnival and it was RAD! Especially that Gravitron that used the concept of centrifugal force. The rides were all adrenal and left me with a natural high but the last one we had before we went home was lame as ever. A ferris wheel that went really slow, wrenched my stomach, had me dizzy that I wanted to puke. Heck! I regret riding that one even if I forced my brother to treat us to some free tickets because he won the color game he went to. I wanted to stroll some more but my head was laready spinning, I got myself a hot soup, a hotdog, and a cold drink and flew home together with Kat and Mae earlier than the others.

May 29, 2006

We thought the festivities are over but I was told it wasn't yet so went to the "bayan" [city proper, just so you know.], and strolled in the middle of the night. We wore house clothes and flipflops, and went with the crowd that were mostly in their japorms. We had some food tripping, or atleast I have. I ate crab nuggets, siomai and before heading home, everyone helped themselved with a bag of popcorn each.

May 30 & 31

I don't remember exactly what happened during these days. We would grab fishballs and other junkies from a vendor that passes by the subdivision every afternoon. We, Sweeth Joy & I, sneak out to get something to eat. I went out alone at night to meet up with a special friend [Haha... usual teen stuff. Hey, that'd be the last time I'll be doing that because I would have to grow up someday, and outgrow some of the things I used to love to do and it may mean quitting on meeting up with him and even our friendship. It's harsh, but things has to happen... Nevermind!]. We venture out in vain to search for inihaw [grilled street food] but to no avail. At the night of the 31st, I went by my highschool bestfriend's house for a short chatter. We haven't seen each other in almost a year but things never really change; We still have a lot to tell each other, we would talk about different things about the same people. I believe she's really happy now. Awww... I really love that girl. I with my cousins Warren and Sweeth would roam the subdivision using my uncle's motorcycle, which is by the way the fad in Lucena today, you're not IN without it. I got Dominique's number and he would flood me with the same message which is really cute and annoying. Haayz...

June 1, 2006

I stole some bath salt from my aunt and scrubbed myself to death, taking away all the libag I can take. Haha... I, with my usual sleeplessness, slept only for a few hours and woke up at 3am, never gettign back to sleep. I kept thinking of when I'll be back this road again. I realized how bored I was living inside my head, inside the confines of my little world I call my room. Yeah, being alone can be cool but too much of it makes me a darn bore. The letting go thingy that I've been screwing my head off with for days isn't really necessarily, as I realized it. I can't move on with things if I can let go but I can not really let go of things and people that I used to love and I don't have to punish myself for not doing so because I don't really have to. I need some things to look back on to and visit once in a while. I slip-up on them when I have my mind on other things but I do not actually forget them. All I have to let go, all this time, is my fear of the uncertainties of everything because nothing is really certain. Haha... Whatever!

I'm back home now. I forgot to text the people I was supposed to text. SOme of my plans didn't work but there's always another summer to get it done with. The people who've seen me for the first time after a long while seem to have noticed the obvious, that I gained lots of weight, soem would not even recognize me and offended as I am, I would just joke about having nothing to eat anymore, that I would just beg from our neighbors for food when the reality is that it kills me to make fun of myself. I'm not sure of the exact chronology of the things I wrote and I'm sure I haven't written everything. I sure missed a lot of my routines when I left but I definitely made a lot of memories to last me until next summer. It isn't quite big for a summer adventure but I enjoyed this year's.

I'm not sure how to end this post but maybe I could share with you what I recieved after having this kind of vacation this summer, LOTS OF SMILEs :-)

back to reality

I just got back from Lucena this afternoon and I have a lot to tell but I just don't feel like writing today. Just so you know I'm already back, I wrote this.

to be continued...